Today's Review of Assorted Cinema

Batten down the hatches and get ready for a Whale of a time in todays film: “The Whale!” Meet Charlie: a morbidly obese recluse in the last week of his life as he attempts to reconnect with his daughter and make amends for the ripples his abandonment of her caused. Its Fun for the whole family! Brendan Fraser gives a performance for the ages. Only an actor of his caliber could convincingly enjoy g...

Is that the smell of blood, sweat and air-brushed abs I sense? That must be a sign of todays film: “300!” This purist adaptation of a comic book barely based on reality follows King Leonidas and his 300 gay but also straight Spartan warriors. They must stand as one, and push against the invading King Xerxes and his horde of reject Power Rangers villains. Did you know if you play the slo mo parts a...

Simmer your expectations cause we’re kicking off our new “Lap Around the TRAC” with Ryan’s theme: “Overhyped!” And what better way to start us off than the “Prince of Annoying Film Nerds” himself: It’s Wes Anderson’s “Asteroid City!” Told from the perspective of a fictional play, the story follows recently widowed Auggie SteamDeck, who arrives in the title town with his four children before being...

Bust out those roller skates and your worst neon spandex outfits cause you’re in Xanadu now, motherfucker! Struggling artist and hater of work, Sonny Malone is visited by the Greek muse, Kira, who inspires him to follow his creative dreams by building Xanadu, a coke-fueled fever dream disco club where the theme changes every 3 minutes. Watch as Sonny and Kira fall in love because the plot demands...

Holy Kevlar Codpieces, Batman! We’re taking it back to 1997 with today’s film: Batman and Robin! This legendary failure from legendary director Joel Shumacher follows our titular heroes against dangerous new foes. The cold-hearted Mr Freeze, (who looks more like a Fury Road reject who got crammed into a cold press juicer), as well as the alluring Poison Ivy, (the only person in this movie who can...

In todays film, M. Night Shyamalan answers the question of are we alone in the universe by way of crop circles, dusty water, and weird Army recruiters in “Signs!” Retired priest Graham Hess grapples with his faith and patience as visitors from the stars play annoying pranks on him and his family like flattening his corn and running around on his roof in the middle of the night. This alien invasion...

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a Captain! It’s a Plane! Its… A 12 million dollar loss… It’s Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow! When the nefarious Dr. Totenkopf plans to steal the worlds greatest minds to perfect his own dream of the titular utopia, it’s up to the Sky Captain and his plucky reporter love interest Polly Pocket Pepper Potts Perkins to stop his dastardly plans. Be amazed at a cast of a...

Shock! Horror! Monsters! And that's just the description of some of the cast of Tim Burton’s 1994 biopic, Ed Wood! Johnny Depp stars as the titular director, an idealistic yet talentless man with dreams of making the biggest film in Hollywood. Marvel at the band of misfits he befriends to help achieve his dream, including legendary actor Bela Lugosi, played here by Martin Landau. Laugh along t...

From director Shaka King comes the real-life story of Fred Hampton, deputy chairman of the Black Panther Party in 1960’s Illinois. It’s “Judas and the Black Messiah.” Hampton’s attempt to cross racial lines to unite various groups together hits a variety of roadblocks when the FBI sends in low-level criminal Bill O’Neal to take down the organization from within. Daniel Kaluuya, Lakeith Stanfield,...

Buy me some peanuts, Crackerjacks, and some cheap ball players, cause today we’re talking “Moneyball!” Brad Pitt stars as Billy Beane, General Manager for the Oakland A’s, the richest, poorest baseball team around. To fight back against the tyranny of the Evil New York Yankees and their mountains of cash, Beane enlists the help of a fake character, Peter Brand, to min-max their way to victory by p...

From Matthew Johnson comes the story of one fruity phone company that's so good, it has to be true…ish. It's a BlackBerry! Johnson and Jay Baruchel star as Doug Fregin and Mike Lazaridis, two lifelong friends who started a tech revolution along with Jim Balsillie, a man who I can only describe as a political cartoon character with the word “CAPITALISM” written on his forehead. This dramati...

You’ve heard of Tommy Wiseau. You know the name Breen. But you aren’t prepared for Christopher J. Martin and his Hollywood classic: Meltdown! This 2009 or 2012 “film” comes from the bowels of Tubi and the mind of director, star, writer, composer, cinematographer, caterer, best boy extraordinaire Christopher J. Martin. FBI Agent John Thomas, the best agent in the field must take down a ruthless and...

From the mind of Robert Rodriguez, comes an answer to the age old question: Can a cerebral psychological thriller be dumb? That answer is today's film, Hypnotic! Ben Affleck stars as Officer BoringMan, a boring guy who uncovers a vast conspiracy about his missing daughter or something? Meanwhile, he must evade the film's villain who walks into scenes and Jedi Mind Tricks anyone he wants. I...

From director Gregg Araki and funded by The French, it’s the mind-bending, teen drama adaptation of White Bird in a Blizzard! From its humble beginnings at Sundance, all the way to its current home on Tubi, Shailene Woodley stars as Kay, a young girl who navigates the sudden disappearance of her mother and the aftermath that ripples through her life. This is clearly a traumatizing event but her mo...

From the mind of the gerbil that lives inside Vin Diesel’s head, comes every tabletop nerds fantasy come true: Forcing your friends to watch your OC on a movie studios dime! It’s The Last Witch Hunter! Kaulder, a centuries old Witcher- I mean- Witch Hunter- must take up arms once again in Modern day New York as a deadly magical plague threatens to wreak havoc. Follow along as Kaulder and friends g...

Crank up the amp and spice up your taco bowl with a bit of cumin, cause today we’re sitting down for a feast of a film called “Dinner in America!” Kyle Gallner stars as rebellious punk freakazaoid Simon, a social outcast scraping by in the hellish suburbia of Michigan. Crossing paths with the neurodivergent outsider Patty, played by Emily Skeggs, the two form an unlikely bond, the likes of which n...

Join your hosts as they continue their journey through CLOUD ATLAS! Trevor Gregory: Host, Producer Ryan Wagner: Host, Editor Aref Aboud: Host, Producer Christian Starck: Host, Writer Socials: Gmail: traccastpod@gmail.com YouTube: @TRAC_Cast Instagram: @trac_cast Letterboxd: TheTRACcast

From visionary directing duo, The Wachowski’s, comes a film so thought-provoking, the biggest question it provoked was: “What the hell is going on?” It’s Cloud Atlas! This sci-fi epic based on the novel by David Mitchell weaves 6 intertwining stories across time meditating on the human condition and the bonds that last lifetimes. It’s like JoJo but with less punching! Try to follow along and marve...

Back in the far past of 2009, there was so much going on in the world. Barack Obama became president, Bitcoin became the first cryptocurrency, and swine flu caused mass panic. For us, though, K-pop star Rain had us seeing throwing stars in the cult martial arts flick, “Ninja Assassin!” Rain stars as Raizo, a man seeking to put a stop to the ninja clan that trained him alongside Europol agent Mika....

Who let the dogs out to commit acts of murder by canine? Why Emma Thompson, of course! From the director of acclaimed biopic “I, Tonya” comes a Disney live-action remake that actually doesn’t suck! It’s “Cruella!” Emma Stone plays famed dog-skinner Cruella de Vil, notably less of a mutt murdering sort here and more of the “comically eating bananas straight from the dumpster” sort. Hey! It’s Progre...

Oh Riki you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind. Literally out the back of my skull! In the Hong Kong martial arts classic, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky! The film follows the titular Riki, who has been sent to jail for killing his girlfriend’s sort-of killers I think? Riki quickly establishes his penchant for justice by tearing people apart like they were suddenly made of rubber and corn sy...

The only things we fear in this world are giant monsters and math equations, which means we’re trembling at today’s topic: Godzilla Minus One! After a close encounter with the legendary beast, World War 2 pilot Koichi Shikishima must face both a radioactively evolved Godzilla and his own post-war survivors guilt. This latest entry in the franchise takes us back to Godzilla’s 1950’s roots as a humb...

What “Die Hard” did for high-rises, “Under Siege” does for battleships in this high seas action-thriller starring Steven Seagal in his best film to date from 1992. Chief petty officer and bouillabaisse expert Casey Ryback is all that stands in the way of thwarting the mutiny aboard the USS Missouri, led by William Strannix and Commander Krill. Ryback must assemble his ragtag group of friends and W...

It turns out the scariest part of the dystopian future in Terry Gilliam's “Brazil” isn’t the bureaucratic capitalist police state it presents, but the lack of duct and tube management! Lowly government worker Sam Lowry dreams of a brighter future in his dead-end life when he encounters a woman named Jill, whom he keeps seeing in his dreams. Famously, the film does not take place in Brazil itse...

Cue the dog barks and roundhouse kicks, 'cause TRAC's gonna give it to ya in Cradle 2 The Grave! When jewel thief Anthony Fait and his crew steal valuable black diamonds, the group is unwittingly pulled into a dangerous game when the diamond's owner, the mysterious Ling, kidnaps Fait's daughter. Fait and Co. must work together with Taiwan intelligence agent, Su, to save Fait’s daughter and perhaps...