Tiny Bites of Wagaliciousness

We’re told that nobody likes a quitter. We’re questioned sharply if we set a goal, achieve that goal and then decide it was the wrong goal to start with. Often we’re blamed if a relationship goes south, being told that we didn’t do enough or work hard enough or give enough of ourselves. That’s what I was told when my 30-year marriage ended because the wasband decided he’d rather have a girlfriend...

Do you ever get that overwhelmed feeling? Where you have so many things that have to be done and it feels like you’ll never get any of it done right? And then you feel the stress building, and the iceberg in the pit of your stomach? Stop. That’s your brain on overload, completely forgetting in that moment how to cope with life. You can take over for your brain – remember, even when you have a lot...

It’s very human to believe that once something happens, then you can feel good about yourself. You hold the achievement of a goal out in front of yourself like a carrot, promising yourself that you’ll be happy once you’ve … fill in the blank. Gotten into the right school. Found the love of your life. Had a baby. Bought a house. Have a certain amount of money in the bank. It’s very human to promise...

How do you define yourself? Have you ever thought of what you think of you? Take an uninterrupted 15 minutes or so and write down words you hear your brain say about you. Then see if you can find a gentler, kinder, more loving way to say the same thing. For example, I remember sitting at the back of the 4th grade classroom after moving from German to Georgia, the new kid in the class once again, f...

Throughout life, well-meaning people warn us. They say we can’t, and we shouldn’t, and we’d best be careful. They tell us to beware and behave and be quiet. They tell us it’s never been done before and can’t be done now, and certainly not by you. These people usually don’t mean to scare you, they’re trying to help you not make the same mistakes they made. They want you to be safe. They want you to...

You are a person who likes to help others. You are a natural peace-maker. You are someone who tries hard to not have to say “no” to any request made of you. Guess what – you are gutting your own mental wellbeing. Making yourself uncomfortable so others can feel good isn’t good for you. You are a person who likes to help others. Remember that you are also “others” and help yourself. You are a natur...

Sometimes people try to control you by telling you to be less – less loud, less forceful, less boisterous. Less. Those people might be your family members, your spouse, your friends, your co-workers, or strangers in the next aisle at the grocery story. They probably mean well, and maybe they love you. And you’re a caring person who often goes along to get along. You still don’t have to listen to t...

Do you ever have times when you feel like what you do doesn’t really matter? That’s not a good way to feel, and it’s the sort of thoughts that feed on themselves – when you’re feeling worthless, your brain will find more evidence of your worthlessness, and nobody needs to hear any of that. First of all, it isn’t true. You make a difference every single day of your life, in ways you may never know....

Are you feeling fear? Doubt? Like maybe you’re not up to the challenge? Welcome to the club. It’s normal to feel anxious about things now and then, especially when it’s something you don’t do all the time. Use a neuroplasticity tool to calm your fears and doubts and feelings of not-enoughness. When there’s something you’re facing that’s causing the anxiety, look for ways to boost your confidence a...

No matter how many different ways you hear that forgiveness is good for you, you might still think that there are some people who don’t deserve your forgiveness. The concept of good and evil is drilled into us in so many ways from before we take our first tottering steps. The adults around us model unforgiveness and holding grudges and use language that subtly – or sometimes not so subtly – lets u...

Remember the problems you had in high school, and how earth-shattering they felt? Looking back, they feel kind of trivial now, don’t they? The nightmares about forgetting your locker combination or how to get to homeroom.  The drama of deciding on a center or side part in your hair. And heaven forbid that you show up in the wrong brand of sneakers or jeans! At the time those problems felt so...

Do you see other people who seem happy and confident and think they’re so much luckier than you? You’re only seeing what they choose to show you. You don’t see their dark moments…you don’t feel their feelings of confusion, helplessness or despair. The strongest people don’t show you those feelings, and yet they still have them. They’re not lucky or living under the right stars or any more blessed...

Don’t let your biases get in the way of your results. The scientific method has been in use since the 1600’s and it works like this – make an observation, form a hypothesis, gather information, make a prediction, conduct experiments, then analyze the results as they pertain to the hypothesis. Adjust as necessary to come to an untainted conclusion about the topic. When you go into a conversation wi...

Actress Sandra Bullock said, “You have to dance a little bit in the morning before you leave the house because it changes the way you walk out in the world.” Dancing lightens your mood, literally puts a skip in your step and floods your body with endorphins and dopamine. When those feel-good hormones are coursing through your veins, you’ll feel invincible as well as loving and happy. So instead of...

At the end of the day today, look back at what you accomplished. Look at the things you finished, the things you set into motion, the feelings you soothed, the misunderstandings you straightened out…look at everything you took part in today. One by one, think of what you had to know to get through each event, to finish each item, and to make plans for someday. Appreciate your talents, your tact, y...

The brain learns in stories, and it learns so well in stories that before you’re 10 years old, your brain is creating it’s own stories in order to explain the world in a way that makes sense to you. This is how those wild conspiracy theories come about…people look at the same information you have and come to a completely different conclusion. That makes brain sense because they’ve lived a complete...

Want to know the secret of helping your life get better and better? Let circumstances teach you. Learn to control your words, actions, and feelings by observing how others respond to you in all your moods. Learn to let go of trying to control the uncontrollable by noticing the feeling of frustration and futility you get when you feel out of control. Learn to let things roll off your back by learni...

Have you ever been having a bad day, and someone looked you in the eye and smiled at you? Maybe it was a stranger who saw you and connected with you in a positive way? Remember how that felt? Maybe you got a warm feeling in your solar plexus, or maybe you were surprised and a little giddy. Maybe you even got goosebumps, our body’s way of reminding us that we’re connected to each other in unseen wa...

When you look in the mirror, are you hard on yourself? Do you bemoan a few extra pounds or wrinkles or grey hairs? Do you feel “less than” when you contemplate how you show up in the world? We’ve talked about the body’s second brain – that very smart part of us that lives in the intestinal tract and deals with our emotions as well as our food. It is postulated, though not conclusively proven yet,...

At the end of the day, do you often feel exhausted, mentally or physically? There’s an adage that says, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Let’s pretend you’re the cup – you pour yourself out for others all day, every day. You may take care of family members, your pets, your clients, your team members, your friends, your impressive to-do list…and who takes care of you? The reason you often feel e...

Face it, we all have off days. Sometimes I can be walking my dogs in a beautiful park, hearing birds sing, feeling the breeze on my skin and enjoying the fragrance of blooming trees and still get crabby if one of the dogs pulls too hard. Can you relate? When you’re a bit on edge and maybe a bit snappy with others, it’s easy to beat yourself up over it. Resist that temptation. Be kind to yourself i...

Are you a team leader and want to inspire your team? There are a lot of leadership coaches who’ll tell you to always present a strong, confident face to your team. I disagree. Let them see you struggle. Let them see you fail. Let them see you dust yourself off and try again. Let them see you being human, admitting your foibles, asking for help and triumphing. When you think about it, doesn’t the h...

Do you ever wish you were more…something? Better at tennis, like your friend Sally. Better at spays, like your classmate Emily. Better at public speaking, like your co-worker Evelyn? Taller? Slimmer? Different hair? Stop! Stop and imagine what a boring place this life would be if everyone was great at the same things, looked the same and there was literally no diversity? Where would new ideas come...

Today I got mad at someone and then realized I needed to be mad at me. Someone expected me to drop everything and take care of their mess. Why did I need to be mad at me? Because up until today, I hadn’t given this person any boundaries. I like them, I like helping them and today there was one just request too many. Giving people we care about boundaries is hard – it doesn’t come naturally and it...

You can’t worry about someone and love them at the same time. Worry is focusing on the weakness you see in that person, and when you’re looking at their weaknesses – which we all have! – you’re not loving them. To a lot of people, worry feels like love, but loving someone is choosing to focus on what’s right about them and what’s right in their life, not what’s wrong. What you focus on is what you...