Tiny Bites of Wagaliciousness

Have you ever had a great idea – one that gave you goosebumps and made you want to start on it right away? Those ideas are the best, and yet can also be the toughest to act on. It feels scary to launch into something big, shiny and bright when you’ve never done anything like that before. The reason it’s tough is that your brain loves the status quo – it’s in the status quo that your brain can run...

You are a compassionate person. You help others when they need help. You volunteer or donate to your favorite causes. You cry at the sad places in a movie, tv show and sometimes even a commercial! You are a compassionate person. You wouldn’t berate a child for their inability to do something, you’d help them learn. You wouldn’t continually remind someone of a mistake they made. You wouldn’t tell s...

Are you dealing with a big issue in your life? The loss of a loved one, a new place to live, a job or career change – all things that can upset your sense of balance and your sense of who you are in the world. When it gets particularly hard and you feel like maybe you’ll never fit in or feel whole again, breathe. Stop and breathe. Maybe for just a few minutes, and maybe for the whole day, if that’...

OK, ridiculous question time – has something ever happened to you that wasn’t good, and it pops into your head now and then. Or maybe more than now and then? It is so easy to get caught up in uncomfortable memories and the emotions they stir up, and it’s not necessary to stay stuck there. When you catch your brain wandering down a painful old path, make it stop. There are a few things you can do t...

Think back to the best teacher you ever had. Why did you value them so much when you were in their class, and why do they spring to mind for you now? Chances are, it’s their approach to teaching. Anyone can stand in front of a room and tell you what to do, over and over again until you memorize it and can do it. The best teacher doesn’t teach a thing or a behavior, they understand where the studen...

Are you looking at something you plan to do or have to do, and you don’t feel up to the job? Maybe you have a big test to take, a book you’d love to write, a promotion you’d really love to get…whatever it is, you might desire it, yearn for it, hope for it and don’t really believe you can succeed at it, so you don’t move toward it in your daily life. The ancient Greek poet Archilochus said, “We don...

Have you ever tried to help someone and it blew up on you? What I mean by that is that your intentions were good, you offered them a different way of looking at something or a different way to do something, and suddenly you’re the bad guy? Even worse, that person tells others their version of the story and you’re the bad guy in those people’s eyes, too? What an awful position to be in – what can y...

How much self-love is enough and how much is too much? Every person you ask will have a different answer. Many of us are raised to be humble, not to blow our own horn, not to brag about our accomplishments, not to call attention to ourselves…does any of this sound familiar? If so, then the idea of loving yourself might feel quite foreign – it did to me for most of my life. Loving yourself is simpl...

Did someone tell you today that you were inappropriate or wrong? Did you come away from that interaction feeling like they were right and you weren’t good enough? Please don’t do that to yourself. It’s easy to let the brain’s negativity bias take over and beat yourself up with what other people say about you. Don’t take the easy road…take the road that challenges what that person said, examines it...

Do you like to garden, or maybe just admire the gardens of others? Have you ever stopped to think about the many different types of gardens? Give two people identical garden plots, with the same soil, the same sun exposure and the same plants and they’ll come up with wildly different gardens. Maybe one will be very organized, neat and beautifully proportioned, while the other is more free-for...

What is impossible in your life? Some days it feels impossible that I could ever get my filing system organized. OK, so that’s really every day! What feels impossible in your life? Is it impossible for you to find a partner? Is it impossible for you to get the recognition at work that you deserve? Is it impossible for you to get along with your mom? What feels impossible, and how could you ma...

Are you good at standing up for yourself? Many of us aren’t comfortable in what feels like a confrontation so we walk away from some interactions wishing we’d stood up for ourselves or our point of view more strongly. Does that sound like you, too? The more life I’ve lived, the more I realize it’s not what we say out loud in those situations, it’s how we feel about ourselves that impacts how we fe...

When you realize that someone you love or admire is bad for your mental wellbeing, it’s ok to love them and give them a smaller space in your life. It’s ok to walk away from them and never look back. You can still love them as you let them go. You don’t have to live the drama that movies and TV shows dish up – you are not a character in a scripted show, you are the director of your own life. You g...

Do you ever get bogged down in a problem or a mess? Maybe it’s a work problem or a relationship problem or a personal problem – it feels like you’re standing in mud up to your knees so you can’t move, much less see a way to get out of the problem. There are times in everyone’s lives where the urge to run away and hide is strong – I just had one this week! That’s when having a go-to sentence to rem...

Do you love to give gifts? I sure do – seeing someone’s delight, or imagining it, if they live far away, gives me that warm fuzzy feeling of accomplishment, joy and love – you, too? Being in the habit of giving small gifts for no reason will endear you with the gift recipients and will have a much larger, more lasting affect on your mental wellbeing. The gift doesn’t have to be big or fancy or eve...

Do you have a hard time saying “no” when someone asks you to do something for them? That’s a very common way to behave, especially for those in jobs where helping others is what they do. If you’re like I used to be, often asked to chair a committee or take on a part of someone else’s job, maybe you’re also like I was – often stressed, harried and sick. When you say “yes” to everyone else, you’re s...

Let’s talk about love. Have you ever been in love? Have you ever fallen out of love? Have you ever loved someone who fell out of love with you? Scholars, poets, dreamers and people like you and me have tried to define love, and yet love is so infinite that it defies definition. Here are three ways to think about different kinds of love: Love that comes from the head – this love is a conscious choi...

Is there someone in your life who doesn’t appreciate you? No matter what you do, it’s never enough. No matter how you wear your hair or your make-up or your clothing, it’s never quite right. No matter what you cook for them, it’s never “like mom used to make” or on their eating plan or it’s suddenly something they hate. That person doesn’t deserve your time, attention, or affection. They take you...

Do you have weeks like this, too? Yesterday, I was a rock star – everything I touched turned to double-platinum. Today is just OK – getting things done feels a bit more like work than magic. You, too, sometimes? Like the ocean, we have ebb and flow in our lives. Some of that could be due to the sleep disruption that many people experience around the time of the full moon, and much of it is due to...

Life is. It unfolds as it will. Things happen. Not all of them are good, and many of them feel terrible when they happen to you or someone you care about. That’s life. Does that sound harsh? I don’t mean it to be – I want you to feel empowered by the fact that life happens, and most of the time what happens around you has nothing to do with you. We often take something personally and get all upset...

Where are you, most of the time? By that I mean are you thinking about the past, the present or the future? Most people spend most of their time thinking about the past. It could be good memories of the past, so-so memories of the past or not-so-good-at-all memories of the past and yet it’s still the past. That stuff has happened and there’s nothing you can do now or in the future that will change...

Have you ever wondered about how people become “glass half empty” and “glass half full” in their view of life? Scientists studying the genetics of depression have identified genes associated with wellbeing, and also genes associated with anxiety, depression and self-harm. They expect that further research will reveal even more genetic variants which influence mental attitude, and research studies...

Do you wish your life was different? Do you wish you lived in a different place or had a different profession or a different partner? Do you know it’s OK to do as you wish? You don’t need someone else’s permission to follow your heart, you just need your own permission, and maybe a bit of courage. It takes guts to make a major change in your own life, and sometimes it can feel very daunting. Letti...

My colleague Phil Gerbyshak recently posted an article about freudenfreud. If you’ve never heard the term, you’re in good company – most people haven’t. Freudenfreud is a term social scientists use to describe the feeling we get when we’re happy for someone else’s good fortune. “Freud” is the German word for “joy” and freudenfreud is so much fun to say that it brings me joy just to say it. Try it...

What is the single most important thing a mentor can impart to the mentee? That every single person who is doing what the mentee is learning to do had firsts – the first time they ever conducted an interview, the first time they ever were the lead attorney, the first time they ever filled a cavity, the first time they ever performed a spay surgery – you get it. No one is born knowing how to do any...