Tiny Bites of Wagaliciousness

Do you shoulda woulda coulda yourself? That’s a habit many people have, and they think of the “shoulda woulda coulda” process as a way to improve themselves. Most of the time it isn’t – it’s a way to beat up on yourself and it guts your sense of self-worth. Hindsight is always 20/20. It’s easy to look back on an event and say “I wish I would have” or “it would have been good if I could have” or “I...

Imposter syndrome hits nearly all of us, at one time or another. High achievers and people who are struggling to juggle several roles at the same time are most likely to feel inadequate and like they’re going to be found out. The mental self-talk in the low points of life can be brutal: I’m not good enough I don’t know how I got into this predicament or how to get out of it What if people see me f...

Do you feel lazy when you take time to do nothing at all? A surprising number of us do, and it’s no wonder. Much of what we’re told is multi-task this and go-go-go that, with the early bird getting the worm, the no pain, no gain crowd pushing us hard, and the thousands of messages that hit us each day, demanding our attention and action. That makes me tired to just think about it – you, too? Think...

We are creatures who seek freedom. We want to make decisions for ourselves, we want to do what we want to do when we want to do it, and we want to follow our own path and blaze our own trail. Do you want that freedom just for yourself or do you want others to have their own freedom, too? Uh-oh…did you just trip a little bit over that question? At the root of many interpersonal problems is one...

Do you live or work with someone who’s outspoken about their ideas and opinions, and theirs are the polar opposite of yours? This can be tough, especially around election time. You can choose to argue constantly, which is no fun for you or anyone within earshot, or you can choose silence. People who want agreement or an argument, and they don’t really care which one, don’t know what to do with sil...

You have goals. You have dreams. And maybe, as you go through your life one day at a time, those goals and dreams don’t feel like they’re getting any closer. I feel you – I certainly own that t-shirt! We’re not falling short on our goals and dreams because we’re not talented. We’re not falling short on our goals and dreams because we’re not deserving. We often fall short of our goals and our dream...

At the end of a bad day, do you have a process to help yourself feel better? Difficult days are normal, and also not fun. Carrying a difficult day around with you is a perfectly normal thing to do, and yet you don’t have to do that. Having a mental process to help you put whatever happened into perspective is important to your mental wellbeing. If you don’t already have a way to help yourself feel...

Have you ever had a defeat in your life? Something you thought would be a slam-dunk instead fell flat and you were the one with egg on your face? How’s that for a mixed metaphor?  Maya Angelou said, “We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated.” I love that quote – it’s a reminder that taking the long view makes the short-term setbacks feel less like defeats and more like steps...

Have you been through a relationship breakup when you thought it was forever? Whether you were married and got divorced, were in a committed, long-term relationship or even a whirlwind that seemed perfect, breakups hurt on a lot of levels. One of those levels has to do with societal expectations and perceptions. When a twosome becomes two individuals, there can be some clicking of tongues, not to...

You are surrounded by teachers. Don’t believe me? You are – the woman with the beautiful smile at the drive-through window this morning taught you that there are happy people everywhere. The person wearing too much fragrance taught you that moderation is a way to be considerate of others. The mother yelling at her toddler at the park taught you that “out of control” isn’t a look you want to wear,...

Creating more mental wellbeing is simple – become good at deliberate focus. What is deliberate focus? That’s simple too – it’s choosing what you think about. And that’s not simple because your brain wants to focus for you, and since the brain has a negativity bias, it often chooses negative things to focus on. With that in mind, how can you learn to deliberately focus? A good way for you to think...

Perspective informs point of view. Have you played with that new app that writes for you? I’m in a mastermind group with a diverse collection of women professionals and recently we discussed ChatGPT. The mastermind facilitator had played with it and was overjoyed with the many possible ways she could use it. A woman who’s been an adjunct professor at a New York university wasn’t in favor of its ex...

If you’re a younger Baby Boomer or a Gen X’er, chances are Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood had at least a little bit of influence on who you are today. The TV show designed for children aired from 1968 through 2001, when Fred Rogers hung up his red sweater for the final time. His messages were simple, direct and profound, and he had the gift for making each person in his huge TV audience feel like he was...

Several years ago, I learned that my marriage was over. It was an unexpected, eye-opening experience. A friend who knew us both well made a comment that struck a chord when she said, “you focused on what you loved about him, and he focused on what he didn’t love about you.” Maybe you’ve been in a relationship like that before, too? When you find yourself in a friendship, work relationship or love...

Do you find it hard to ask for help, too? Many of us do – maybe you were raised by people who believed in self-sufficiency, maybe you’re a perfectionist where you’re concerned, or maybe you feel that it’s just easier to do things yourself. All of this adds up to stress, isolation and burnout, and who wants that for themselves? May I offer you a different way to look at asking for help? When you he...

Do events from your past make you feel bad? For nearly everyone, that answer is “yes.” Something happens and it changes the way we view ourselves, our lives and even our world. That’s normal – that’s a key component of learning. And while it’s common for human beings to let events from the past make them feel sad or guilty or incompetent or any other negative state of mind you can come up with, it...

Are you an empathetic person? Most of us have at least a little bit of empathy and at least a little bit of stubborn adherence to long-held beliefs. Holding on to something you believe is fine, as long as you don’t expect everyone else to think and feel the same way you do about the topic, because that’s the opposite of empathy. Empathy means being open to other points of view, being willing to fo...

There are people in your life who will tell you that you can’t do something. It might sound like an order, it might sound like sound advice, and it might sound like someone who fears for your safety. No matter how the negative words are couched, the words are still intended to limit what you can do. Children are often raised with rules for their behavior offered by well-meaning, controlling parent...

Perhaps you’ve heard the adage “you are the sum total of the 5 people you surround yourself with.” Motivational speaker Jim Rohn had a keynote speech that taught that message as a key to personal and professional success, and in 2017, Northwestern University published a study seeking to prove or disprove it. In their research, they found that people who sat within 25 feet of a high-performing co-w...

Is there a part of your life where you feel stuck? Maybe your career isn’t growing the way you’d hoped, maybe your relationship is feeling a bit stale, and maybe you keep meaning to lose weight or get more exercise or write the Great American Novel and it’s just not happening. Life keeps moving – think about your entire life up until now and look at all the ways it has shifted, changed and grown a...

Do you feel courageous? And did you just laugh out loud at the idea of that? It’s OK – many of us would. Think about your daily life – you get up, take care of yourself, maybe some other people and a pet or two, and then you get on with your day. You’ll work, either inside or outside your home, you’ll juggle chores and errands and appointments, figuring out how to feed yourself and maybe others al...

Do you lose arguments? Good for you! Do you avoid arguments because you always lose? Even better for you! It often feels like the loudest person or the one willing to continue arguing is the person who “wins” and can also feel like the person who “wins” the argument is the person who is right. Most arguments are useless exercises in wasting adrenaline and oxygen. Both sides are right, according to...

Do you find yourself in the same sorts of not-optimal situations time and time again? Maybe you tend to date the same kind of person, or maybe you say “yes” to another volunteer project when you really want to say “no”. We’ve talked before about how human brains love patterns, and this is another case of your pattern-loving brain needing a good talking-to. We do what we always do not because it’s...

Have you ever tried to teach a puppy not to nip and bite at your hands? Using their mouths is how puppies play with their littermates, so it naturally translates to mouthing their new human littermate – you! Those sharp little puppy teeth hurt, and yet we love the puppy so we don’t want to hurt its feelings. We might tell them to stop biting, and yet we’re not consistent and we’re not firm and so...

Think about the people you work with, especially those who are senior to you. Do you feel free to voice a different opinion, or suggest a different solution to a problem? There are a lot of managers who are “my way or the highway” kinds of managers, and that’s not a good environment to work in. Yes, things get done, and yes, there are generally more injuries, absenteeism and employee turnover in t...