Tiny Bites of Wagaliciousness

When you suffer a loss, it hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. In times of loss, what you focus on can be the difference between feeling stuck and sad or feeling strong and sad. We’re human – we don’t like to lose people or things we care deeply about, and when we do lose them, we hurt. Hurting makes us sad, so “sad” during and after a loss is inevitable. You will feel it, so let those feelings in, a...

The world is awash in depressed people. Estimates vary between 300 million and half a billion people worldwide suffer from depression, meaning about 1 out of every 16 people is depressed. How many people do you know? Do the math – you know, work with, and might even be one of the “1 in 16.” Depression has many faces, and some of the people you know may be dealing with theirs in a way that makes it...

Have you ever wanted something for another person? When I was young, I wanted my mom to be a leader, or at least a volunteer. I was in scouting and wanted my mom to be one of the moms who went camping with us, and who did the arts and crafts and music and survival skills and all the other learning experiences the troop did. When I asked her to please be part of it, her answer was “I’m not really m...

The late John Lennon said, “Peace isn’t something you wish for, it’s something you make.” What does that mean? Especially when politics and world news are filled with stories of war, unrest, and division, how can we make peace? Intentionally. Peace lives inside of you, waiting for you to value it enough to cultivate it. Peace happens when you decide that how you feel is worth more than being right...

Yesterday, I was disappointed. Something I ordered and needed by a certain date hadn’t arrived, and I was bummed. Normal, right? I had an expectation of getting what I needed when I needed it, and that expectation wasn’t met. There’s a word that’s like expectation, and it’s a pretty good description of what we might think of doing with our expectations: expectoration. In case you’ve never run acro...

Have you ever been ghosted? It happens to the very best of us, so try not to take it personally. In case it’s never happened to you, that’s when someone expresses an interest in you, gets your contact information, makes contact, and at some point in the budding business or personal relationship, disappears. They don’t text, they don’t call, they don’t return emails – it’s like they ceased to exist...

Have you ever been in a spirited discussion where you and the other person were on opposite sides of the fence? Whether the person you were talking with is a friend, acquaintance, co-worker, family member or complete stranger, this Tiny Bite is for you. It’s for you if you’ve never been in an argument, because someday you probably will be. Ask questions. Listen. Be open to hearing their experience...

Have you ever been the broken-hearted half of a breakup? It hurts soooooo bad! As the sharpness of the pain begins to recede, anger creeps in, along with anger’s ugly cousin, blame. It’s easy to blame the end of the relationship on the other person, and in a lot of ways, it’s very satisfying, too. The healing process includes the anger and blame – can you make yourself speed through that as quickl...

Godwinks…impulses…undeniable urges…do you get those, too? When you follow the impulse, doesn’t it feel magical? Today I was working on a project, totally focused. Suddenly it popped into my head to open the Nextdoor app and offer to give away a lectern that had been in my garage for years. I learned long ago to just follow the impulse whenever possible, so I put aside the project and posted pictur...

Once upon a time, bedtime stories told of a time when dragons threatened damsels, knights on powerful steeds rode to the rescue, and there was a fairy-tale wedding and a happily-ever-after. Yes, there are a lot of variations on the theme, yet the same simple lesson was stamped into our heads – things threaten, and people will save us and give us great lives. What if you don’t need to be saved? Wha...

Do you ever what-if yourself? Most of us do – buyer’s remorse is a common phrase for a reason. Especially after making a major purchase, many people go through a few days or weeks of what-iffing: what if I didn’t choose the best car what if I could have gotten more money at the new job what if this person I’ve agreed to marry turns out to be Mr. Wrong instead of Mr. Right? What if you could banish...

How are you feeling today? Kind of blah? Maybe worse than just “blah” – maybe you’ve got a case of the blues? That happens to us all now and then, and especially if you’re someone who is usually upbeat, the blues can be quite upsetting. The science can’t explain exactly how, though researchers are closing in on cellular memory as it relates to humans. The hypothesis is that our memories, especiall...

Quick – look back on your life and find at least one pattern. We all have them – our brains are designed to learn and operate through patterning. Maybe you smoke or used to smoke – there was a pattern about when you lit up, right? Maybe it was right after dinner, or in the car on your way to work. There’s a pattern about how you load the dishwasher, about how you hang your clothes up, and about ho...

Do you ever have to complete specific training to keep your job? In order to work with some of the people and teams I serve and enjoy, occasionally I have to take mandated training. I recently completed the Darkness to Light Stewards of Children training, and one of the people in that class said, “I am a light in peoples’ darkness and there’s no better thing to be.” How does that statement make yo...

Are you a lover of books? Mom was a voracious reader who instilled a love of books in me, too. As I write this, there are three books on the corner of my desk, a stack of 5 books on the table at the end of the couch, and three bookcases in this living room. I’ve also written and co-written several books – my love affair with the written word runs deep. You, too? Follow me with this book analogy fr...

Has someone called you selfish recently? Good for you! That means you value yourself, your time, and the resources you’ve earned, and that’s an important component of self-worth and self-esteem. When someone calls you “selfish” what they’re really saying is that they want to manipulate you and your boundaries are in the way. When someone calls you “selfish” what they’re really saying is that they...

Are you in a relationship where you feel lost or helpless? That’s an awful way to feel, and it’s not about the other person – you’re feeling that way because you’re not remembering who you are. Let’s say it’s a romantic relationship, you really want the other person to be in your life and stay in your life and yet you fear that they won’t, so you continuously try to prove your worth to them. Have...

Have you ever had someone stab you in the back? Maybe it was a co-worker, maybe a so-called friend – most of us have had the experience of learning that someone we know, like, and formerly trusted treated us badly in some way. It hurts, right? It makes most people not only distrust, but seriously dislike, the person who behaved that way. I’ve been in those shoes and they do not feel good! Here’s t...

When you watch the news and see the unrest around us, do you choose sides? For a moment, try to let go of “right” and “wrong” and see a bigger picture. In America we have freedom of assembly, freedom of speech, and freedom of religion. America was founded on the principles of structured civil disobedience that blossomed into a war to win the right to exist. This country has a long history of civil...

Is it possible to be too comfortable? Yes. Hear me out – I’m not talking about your favorite pair of yoga pants, and I’m not talking about that place on the couch that fits your body perfectly. I’m talking about your life. When we get too comfortable, we can get feelings of stagnation, boredom, and frustration. Why? It’s because we’re not making decisions, we’re just living life on autopilot. Now...

Did you grow up in a lemon grove? Were you mistreated as a child? Maybe you had an abusive parent or uncle or grandparent. Maybe there was an abuser in your church family. There are so many ways that grown-ups mistreat children, sometimes meaning to and sometimes not, that it’s a miracle so many of us manage to become functional adults. My goal for you is to be more than just functional – you dese...

Can you remember to feel better whenever you’d like? We feel by default. It’s learned behavior, and here’s how I know that: two people can look at the same thing and feel completely different feelings. One person can see a wedding party headed to the ceremony and their heart will sing with joy because they believe in the power of new beginnings. Another person could see that same wedding party and...

Maybe you’re like me – you like mementoes of the things you’ve done, the places you’ve been, and the people you’ve shared your life with. You like those things, right up until you don’t. Do you have too much stuff, too? Talking to a friend who likes to fish, he used the term “catch & release” and it’s a powerful idea – it’s fine to gather those mementoes and when you’re ready, it’s fine to rel...

Can you think of your emotions as having a volume control? You know how sometimes you feel really sad, and other times you’re feeling down? That feeling of sad would have a higher volume than feeling down would. Sometimes you are so happy you want to jump for joy, and sometimes you are contented. Joy would have a higher volume than contented. Same emotional root, just more or less of it. There – n...

Are you someone who looks for permission from others? Maybe you feel bad about leaving work once your job and workday are done, when others are still working. Maybe you feel like you should pick up the slack driving carpool, even though one of the other mothers almost never does her part. Maybe you put the needs of your family and friends ahead of your own because that’s what you think you’re supp...