Tiny Bites of Wagaliciousness

Do you keep tight reins on yourself for fear of looking like a fool, or being judged by others and found lacking? I stayed in a nice hotel recently and was snacked on by some bugs who’d taken up residence in the bed. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the resulting welts were large and angry red, mostly on my legs and feet. Did I mention it’s summer in the south, with record high temperatures? I had to...

Watch the words your brain uses to describe you, your feelings, and your actions – are they judgmental?  Words are simply words – it’s the meaning we attach to them that matters. When you drop something, does your brain automatically call you clumsy? When you catch sight of yourself in a window or mirror, does your brain call you fat or dumpy or ugly? Do you hear your brain calling you egotis...

Do you think of yourself as open-minded? Most people do, and yet most people have at least a couple of “absolutely not!” beliefs. Those are beliefs that separate you from at least part of the human population. It used to be common for men to believe that women were dumber and more emotional than men. It used to be common for people to believe that melanin-enhanced people were less smart or capable...

Some people go along to get along. Some people choose their words carefully, trying not to rock the boat. Some people choose not to voice their opinions for fear of alienating friends or loved ones. When it’s done occasionally, none of these are bad choices. When it’s a way of life, it’s a recipe for a meltdown. Instead of getting a small confrontation over with, a million small confrontations wit...

Is there a piece of your life that you criticize a lot? Maybe you don’t love where you live, or the car you drive, or the body that carries your spirit around. For a long time I didn’t wear shorts, no matter how hot the weather. My skin is ultra pale and couldn’t manage to tan if my life depended on it. I felt like I’d be judged for those bright-white sticks stuck to the bottom of my body, and tha...

Quick…how is your confidence level right now? Most people can’t answer that question very positively. Most people second-guess themselves, feel like they’re not up to whatever challenge is in front of them at the moment, and quite frankly feel like an imposter a lot of the time. Did I just describe you? It’s OK…I described me some of the time, too. Our brains keep a running tally of the times we g...

Do you have days now and then where you just feel blah? Like you can’t get motivated to do anything at all, let alone the things you have to do or even want to do. Those feelings happen to us all from time to time, especially at points in our lives following a loss of some sort. Grief can make you feel limp. Physical pain can make you feel limp. Comparing yourself with others can make you feel lim...

Do you ever look back on your life and cringe at who you were then? I don’t mean your style of hair, makeup or clothing, I mean who YOU were? “I was so naïve then” or “how could I have been so stupid” or “why didn’t I appreciate them more?” It’s very common to reflect on our lives and decide that we weren’t a terribly good person, and before you take yourself down that pathway of self-flagellation...

Oh, don’t you hate to make a mistake? It’s so embarrassing. It’s so confidence-shaking. It’s so tempting to try to make it look like it was someone else’s fault, not yours. Some people are better at that than others – have you ever worked with someone who never took the blame for anything? Whatever happened, it was always someone else’s fault. Even if they had to cook up an elaborate story to make...

Do you work on a team where rumors fly? That happens in a lot of workplaces where communication and leadership are lacking. Have you ever been the focus of the rumor mill? It doesn’t feel very good, does it? Maybe you felt like you should defend yourself, or perhaps you went to the person spreading the misinformation to get them to understand what you really meant. No matter what you do, it’s neve...

Do you have a big problem to solve and you’re feeling stumped? It can feel overwhelming to try to decide which solution is the right one to solve a specific issue in your life. The first question to ask is, “is this truly my problem to solve?” If not, let it go. Help the person with the problem if you can and if it feels like your help is welcome and needed, and resist the temptation to solve it f...

Does your to-do list make you want to give up before you even start? Many of us have crazy-busy lives with calendars that look like a Tetris game, and when that happens it can seem like your life is running you instead of you running your life. That can feel very overwhelming, and it will take a week or two, depending on how far out you’re scheduled, to regain control of your tasks. This one simpl...

There’s a myth in our culture about closure. People say things like, “he didn’t give me a chance to find closure” or “how can I cope without closure” or even “now I’ll never get closure.” The myth is that closure has to come from outside of you, and the truth is that closure is a decision you make. Closure has nothing to do with what anyone else says or does – you decide when you’re ready to move...

Have you ever cried over a lost job or a lost friend or a lost love? Most of us have, and it’s not a pretty cry, is it? It feels like we’re trying to water a dead plant back to life with our tears. Maybe you cried for a day, or a week, or a month, and maybe you’re still crying. When the tears ended and your life resumed, what was the dominant feeling? If it was relief or calm or even inner peace,...

Did you look at someone and smile today? Did you hold the door for someone? Did you send birthday wishes on your favorite social media channel, or a birthday text or email or card? Did you know you light up someone’s day when you do something like that? People long to be seen, and  when that happens, the person feels it and gets a hit of dopamine from their brain. They instantly feel a connec...

The other day I was nearly swamped by a wave of emotions when the “first dance” song from my wedding 38 years ago came on the radio. It shocked me to get all those feels – the marriage lasted 30 years, the breakup happened 8 years ago and I rarely think about the wasband, which is why I was so shocked to feel all those emotions. Has something like that ever happened to you? You hear a song and sud...

We’ve talked about change on this podcast before. How change is constant, how it can be your enemy or your ally, and how that’s all up to you. Have you ever thought about your life next year and how it can be completely different than it is now? You could meet the love of your life and be in the throes of wedding planning. You could get a great job offer from a headhunter and be living in a differ...

Do you cringe when you read the words “trigger warning”? Did that question just trigger you? Not because you fear you’re about to be triggered, but maybe because some people feel they need or deserve the warnings? Trigger warnings can be useful when used appropriately, especially in mental health environments or before the broadcast of potentially disturbing images or descriptions. Trigger warning...

Were you taught to hide your feelings? The people who raised you may not have meant to send a message of “suck it up, Buttercup” to you, and yet in subtle ways many of us received that message early and often. “Big girls don’t cry”… “oh, grow up and quit whining” … “life’s not fair, so get over it!” Phrases like that teach children to hide how they really feel. Sure, it’s more convenient for the g...

Quick – take inventory of your friends. The “in real life” ones, not the ones on social media. This is easier if you make some lists. Make three columns on a page, label the first one “true blue” the second one “baby blue” and the third one "stormy blue.” Now, start thinking about the friends you spend time with most often. That time could be talking on the phone, zooming with them, working or pla...

Are you living or just existing? Are you just trying to get through each day, ready to lose yourself in the oblivion of sleep? When the alarm goes off, do you hit “snooze” as many times as you can before you absolutely must get up? Why? Have you really given thought to why you want to linger in sleep instead of getting up and greeting the day? One of the symptoms of depression is sleeping more tha...

Do you lead through fear or lead through trust? Think carefully – do the members of your team feel comfortable enough with you to disagree with you and discuss it with you? If not, you need to work on trusting your people so they’ll feel safe to trust you, too. When you lead through fear, people will do what you say. When you lead through trust, people will work hard to give you more than you’re a...

Quick – what are you worried about right now? Chances are, there’s something that’s nagging in the corner of your brain, like a petulant child who wants attention. Do you remember when you were a child, anticipating your birthday? You rolled it around and around inside your head, thinking about what kind of party there might be, what sort of cake you would have, and what your gifts would be. You f...

When you look back on your life, what do you see? Do you tend to focus on the drama and the trauma, or do you tend to focus on the triumphs? The way human brains work, you probably find yourself thinking of times when you didn’t do the right thing or make the best choice. Especially in a situation where it felt like someone else was in control, we often second-guess ourselves at best and kick ours...

Can you be satisfied in unsatisfying conditions? Really think about that before answering, because most people can’t. Letting the circumstances around you dictate your state of mind is so common that most people don’t even question the rightness or wrongness of it. Question it. Your mental wellbeing hinges on your ability to feel the way you choose to feel, regardless of what’s going on around you...