Tiny Bites of Wagaliciousness

Do you work with someone who often reminds you of your limitations? Or maybe they shine a spotlight on your shortcomings or mistakes? How do you feel about yourself when they’re around? Timid…like an imposter … like your self-confidence suddenly all leaked out of you? They know what you’re capable of and they feel threatened. When someone who lacks the confidence to succeed on their own merits fee...

When was the last time you chose how to feel? We usually just feel how we feel and deal with it, and that’s not how you have to live your feelings. You can choose them, just like you choose your outfit each day. In our everyday language we often say things like, “she’s so rude – she makes me so mad!” Think about it, though – is she the one making you mad, really? No – it’s your perception of her a...

I experimented in my kitchen today. I had some wraps that tasted good but had a weird texture, some veggies that were about to go around the corner, some red sauce from my favorite Italian restaurant, cottage cheese, eggs, and spices. I created a veggie lasagna that is soooo good I want to eat it for the rest of my life. I’ll never be able to recreate this wonderful concoction because I made it up...

You accidentally ran a red light and no fiery car crash occurred. Your computer crashed in the middle of creating a big project and when you booted back up, the project was all there. You tripped on the sidewalk, yet you didn’t fall and break any bones. What’s the big deal, you may ask? Those are things that happen in our lives often enough that we take them for granted. Don’t.   Believe in m...

Has anyone ever said to you, “you think you’re so much better than anyone else!” You might have heard that as a child, because it’s the kind of thing for one child to say to another. Childish! At the time, you felt the sting of criticism and of feeling misunderstood, because the truth is, many if not most of us feel more like an imposter than anyyone’s superior. I want you to think about being bet...

When you were 7 years old, what did you think your grown-up life would be like? How about when you were 17? How about now…how is your “real life” compared to what your younger self thought it would be? And how do you feel about how different your current reality is to where you thought you’d be? I remember being 29, married, and buying my first home. I thought that was my life. Fast-forward to now...

Have you ever told someone what you like about them? Maybe the roles have been reversed, and it was one of your friends telling you what they admired about you? It does feel good to recognize and report on the excellence of a friend or family member or co-worker. It literally creates a feeling of community, because while you’re participating in the conversation, your brain is giving you a shot of...

If you never ask, you’ll never get. This is great advice, and yet it flies in the face of what many, if not most of us, were taught. If you’d like to get more, learn to ask more, and learn to stay comfortable in your skin ask you do. Asking is a leadership skill. Asking is powerful. Asking is a display of confidence. You can learn to ask in your own authentic way. If you’re a curious person, ask f...

Do you ever feel like you’re living in fear? Fear is normal – it’s a built-in survival trait, yet it can also make you feel paralyzed and unable to move forward. Fear can sharpen your awareness, yet it can also keep you in a constant state of stress or anxiety. Fear can spur you to step out of your comfort zone, yet it can also cause you to make irrational decisions. Fear can increase your empathy...

Do you ever look back on a chapter of your life – maybe a career decision, maybe a relationship, maybe some other major life event – and feel disappointed in yourself or your choices? Most of us do that from time to time, and it doesn’t usually feel very good when we do it. That’s because what we’re actually doing is driving down our own sense of self-worth. You don’t want to do that, do you? Time...

Can you learn to become unoffendable? I’m not even sure that’s a word, so just go with me here. Sometimes our feelings are very close to the surface and it’s easy feel offended or hurt. It’s good to be in touch with your feelings, and sometimes not so good to be driven by them. Become unoffendable. When someone says something that is hurtful, take a breath before you reply, and in that pause, find...

Everyone has that one friend – the one who defends their position or belief vociferously. I love that word, don’t you? They’re loud and persistent and unswayable in their belief and they don’t care who they have to shout down to make the point that they’re right. People think that person is soooo confident. And people are wrong. The loudest person in the room isn’t the most confident. Often the lo...

Did someone ever go through a door in front of you and let it close instead of holding it for you? Did someone ever cut you off in traffic? Did someone ever stand you up instead of showing up as planned? How did you feel when any of these things happened? How do you feel about them now? Do memories of times like these take you right back to the irritation or anger you felt? That’s on you, then. Ye...

Maybe you’ve been present when this common and incredibly childish behavior showed up: one person belittling another for how they look, sound, or something they did. It’s an easy mistake to make, and yet it’s probably going to hurt feelings, and it only serves to make the one who spoke up look petty at best and like a mean bully at worst. You will never make yourself look good by making someone el...

The other day my friend Belinda Todd tossed out a precious gem as if it were a used tissue. Belinda, a few other women friends and I were talking about how we limit ourselves by what we believe. Belinda is a woman who goes for what she wants. When we all compared our feelings about trying new things, she simply said, “My curiosity is stronger than my fear.” Wow. How can we live that way, too? By a...

When was the last time you got white-hot angry? Think about the actions you took while you were upset – were they good ones? Did you regret them later? Maybe even need to apologize to someone for what you did while mad? I know I have! I’ve written a hot email and sent it, later wishing I hadn’t. When we’re very emotional, what we feel like doing and saying feels very righteous and justified. In th...

Are you familiar with the old Paul Simon song, Obvious Child? In this song about moving towards the end of life, he sings, “Why deny the obvious, child.” Yet we all do, right? Things change and we rail against the change. New things enter our lives and we gripe and grumble as we learn to work yet another new piece of software or technology. It’s normal and very human to value and want to hold on t...

What decade of life are you in? I remember being in my teens and 20’s, thinking I had life all figured out and that the old people were so out of touch. In my 30’s, it was becoming abundantly clear that some of the things I thought were true weren’t exactly as I’d thought they were. Maybe you’ve had some of those perspective shifts as you’ve gotten older too? The one thing I know now that I wish I...

What are you afraid of? Really, seriously, nearly phobically afraid of? For most of my life, it’s been spiders, and woe be unto any that venture inside my house. About half of the human population feels anxious about snakes, with a third being really, seriously, nearly phobically afraid of them. This fear causes the death of many harmless, beneficial snakes as people act out their “the only good s...

The other day I was tired and hot and short of time. I’d just finished back-to-back to back training classes, had to get the dogs home and fed, myself cleaned up and changed into something more presentable, and then get out the door for a dinner meeting. As I put the car in gear with the AC on high, I stopped. And took a breath. I followed the advice I give you and nearly everyone I work with – to...

The last time you needed someone to help you, who did you call? How did they react? How about the time before that – was it the same person you reached out to? Were they there for you that time, too? Now think about what they could have been doing instead of coming to your aid. When you look at it objectively, you KNOW they weren’t just standing by, poised and ready to assist you if and when you n...

When someone is staring at you, what’s your knee-jerk reaction? Do you assume they’re judging you and their thoughts aren’t very flattering? Do you assume that they’re some sort of weirdo with an unbalanced mind? Maybe you feel fear of what they might be planning to do to you? Did you notice that all of those reactions, while typical, focus on negativity? Negativity about the person, because you’r...

This strong statement was part of a meme I saw today: “Apology accepted, access denied.” Wow…talk about a powerful sentence in just four words! Long ago I had a boyfriend who wasn’t a great boyfriend. When I’d finally had enough and broke it off, he tried everything – even apologizing – to get back in my good graces. Several of my girlfriends reminded me of all his good aspects – great looking, gr...

Don’t answer this question out loud – how do you feel when someone wins something? It might be something you’ve dreamed of having, or something you wish you could have, or even something you thought you’d get, not that other person! Whether it’s a free t-shirt at the fair, that cute guy in accounting, or the Powerball jackpot, jealousy can pop up quickly when you aren’t the one who ended up with t...

You know how people say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” There’s that one caveat - you have to live through the not-optimal somehow to get to the “stronger” part. In the middle of a major life upheaval, it can be tough to keep your life and your feelings balanced. Give yourself permission to feel off-balance as the situation unfolds. You can make any life change easier to get through by...