Thot Topics

Sowwy (〃＞＿＜;〃) We're on a little unexpected turkeylicious holiday hiatus but we'll be back in your little ears ASAP! In the meantime, we're cracking open the vault to tide you over: this is our Patreon-exclusive episode with Zach from I'm So Popular in which we rank Nicki Minaj's discography

{Batting a home run} It's giving... giving... GAAAAVEEEE! Things get a little spicy this week and the spice in question is Sporty! From deep within the pussy part of the Venn Diagram between straight men and gay men, we talk about what separates us and what unites us. Sports! Sleep patterns! Being goofy and silly! And so much more. In light of the midterm elections in Illinois, we also talk about...

When Adele turned 25 all she could come up with was "Hello". We made this episode, so CATCH US IF YOU CAN BITCH!   We're back! It's been a minute since we've had some private girls time so we take a moment to catch up on our personal lives as we both gear up to enter our dreaded mid-twenties. We reveal a hair care SHOCKER, report our own fashion crimes, and think about what makes you a grownup.  ...

She jack my ant til it off... she jacks on my antonoff til i... uhhh Alright, it's another patrons-only one this week-- not because we don't value ALL our sisters equally but we get pretty drunk during this one and name drop a lot of people we went to high school with so we've gotta put this one in jail. We're joined in the stu' by friend of the pod MORGAN for our scathing assessment of Taylor Swi...

This week, we attempt what is likely the most difficult challenge in the history of the program: we comb through a bracket of Lana Del Rey's discography and attempt to crown ONE SONG as the supreme. All factors are considered, all truths are weighed, and we think you'll love how the dust settles. Or maybe you won't. Sue us! But naturally that's not all. During the 40 minute long preshow (lol) we d...

What if Trump's platform in 2024 was bringing back tops that suck and slurp on bussy lips... We've just completed negotiations to be Lena Dunham's pallbearers when the horrible day inevitably comes, but in the meantime we've convened for a high-intensity GIRLS CHAT! This week, we pull a Jeffrey Dahmer and gobble up the news! Yum yum yum! First, we talk about the obsession with true crime and why "...

**PATRONS ONLY EPISODE** To give, or not to give: THAT is the question. Wanna know our answer bitch? We're back to cracktion and ready for the first episode following the fall shequinox. And you know what that means: no more hearing my loud A/C unit in the back of every episode! LOL. YAY!!! This week, we catch up as sisters for a good while, mostly to psychoanalyze Cris and his recurring The Bigge...

We heard that the big titty woodshop teacher is actually the headmaster... wanna know she got THAT name?   We're back! Finally there was some good fucking FOOD on the timeline this week, so we really dig deep.   First, we review Rina Sawayama's new album HOLD THE GIRL and really get carried away with our... strong feelings on the matter. Then, we go back to black: mermaids that is. We talk about t...

Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt... debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt Fergalicious debtfinition make Joe Biden pay me   This week, we put on our lab coats to explore the dark side of Bro-tox: injecting toxins into your asshole; the final frontier for gay monstrosity. Is it worth risking incontinence to put more PP in your butt? We get to the BOTTOM of it. Teehee!...

NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS!!! We're baby got BACK and this week we're SETTLING IT. ONCE AND FOR ALL! We go through the annoying Twitter thread of the week wherein one GAY user asks: "What in the LGBT community do we need to talk about more??"  If you immediately thought "nothing" then this is the episode for you. We settle the age-old debates of homosexuality, from the right people not wanting t...

Disease strikes the Thot Topics Lounge and the girls are separated by FOUR WHOLE CITY BLOCKS by Nick's late-game Covid diagnosis. More like BLOWMIcron am I right?  Covid may be able to keep us apart but it CAN'T extinguish our spirit, and this episode is just as sassy and girly as ever. While Nick repeatedly hacks up a lung on the air, we cover a LOT of ground. Nick's trip to the deep south inspir...

⚠️ Time to BeRetarded. ⚠️   TRUST THE SCIENCE. *Our* science. Thank God you guys have us to solve this pubic-- oh, sorry, public-- health crisis. We have the way out of the Monkeypox jungle, and here's a hint: ixnay on the ettinggay uttednay inyay!   But naturally, that's not all! We monkey around and defend Elon Musk's enlarged ribcage, and talk about the lady who let some guy fuck her thigh crea...

ALERT! NO MORE MR. NICE GAY! We now have enough paying sisters to keep satisfied that we are changing our schedule-- we'll be alternating every week between free and paid episodes. If you don't like it, blow us! Or send us $4 on Patreon and gain access to every episode, every week. This week is paid, but it's a real banger episode-- you definitely don't want to miss babe. Pollen: It's the Reason f...

We asked Biden if he'd swear us onto the SuCREAM court, but he said we weren't qualified, cuz that thang be squirtin'!   We return after our triumphant centennial episode to bravely offer our highly sought-after takes on politics. We know it's your favorite-- we're so good at it! We predict whether gay marriage will survive the decade, but also ask some more fundamental questions: How does plumbin...

100 EPISODES!!!! To the moon, Alice! The goon palace!   The long-awaiting Thot Topics centennial is upon us, and to celebrate our womanniversary we reached out to listeners like YOU to construct the WHEEL OF WHORETUNE-- over 70 topics were submitted for consideration and we got through a surprising amount of them! Round and round she goes-- where she stops, NOBODY knows! It's the ultimate test of...

Though Pride Month may be upon us, at Thot Topics HQ it's NO MORE MR. DIONYSE GUY!! I really thought we'd gotten all the rage out on the last solo episode but apparently not! This week, gay guys really gave us a LOT to chew on and boy did it taste like SHIT! After a little bit of girly chitchat on the job market, we dive right into our review of Hulu's new gay "rom-com" FIRE ISLAND. Should Fire Is...

There's NO business like YO business, so you know we had to get up in there like swimwear!   As part of our court-ordered 80 hours of community service, we reach out to broken-brain gay guys, pure-hearted young women, and straight guys who like us for whatever reason, to fix their lives Iyanla-style. And there's no shortage of crises to resolve-- is personal grooming for men too gay? Is there a wa...

SQUEEZE the means of production. MILK the bourgeoisie for all it's worth. SUCK the power out of billionaires. RIDE into the perfect Marxist future. SLURP that dick till it cum.   We're back! We know we've kept you waiting for a hot minute so we really play the hits on this one. First order of business is addressing Nick's haters: does thinking the bus is gross make you pedophile? Are you a Nazi fo...

**PATREON EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED** Cris is sick so we couldn't record an episode this week, but we'll be back on schedule this week including the new THOTLINE episode!! In the meantime, here's an offering from the VAULT to tide you over in the meantime. This land is. WHAT? This land is. WHO? This land is. OUUURR LAND We're back in the Gay Little Monkey Jungle swinging from tree to tree with a couple o...

WOMAN MOMENT!! Thot Topics history is made once again as we invite the second woman in nearly 100 episodes into the Women's Business Lounge-- beloved friend of the pod, the gorgeous SYDNEY! And you're in for a real treat because nothing enables us to fag out more than being in a girl's apartment. This episode also features a lot of feline mischief in the background-- meOW! We perform a wellness ch...

No thots! Head empty!  Durrrrrr duhhhhhhh We tried so hard to come up with something to talk about today and every time we attempted to start a topic it seemed really stupid and gay so we decided to throw caution to the wind and let our fuckin' freak flags fly! Over an HOUR of no topics, no structure, no effort, just pussyliciousness. Maybe if this episode was for PATRONS we'd give more of a FUCK!...

We're girls with a passion for cryptofascion! Clear the runway because it's officially OVER for fatties and uglies.   We're back for the first solo episode of the GAY 4 MAY BLITZ-- for our greatest trick of all time, we're going to put out TWO EPISODES EVERY WEEK for the month of May. 1 for patrons, sisters, and true BELIEVERS in the Thot Topics mission-- and one for broke faggot haters.   This ep...

Have you ever wanted to hear two drunk childless gay twenty-somethings talk about how to protect our next generation of leaders against the forces of gender terrorism? Well NOW is your hourlong CHANCE! In our world, LGBT stands for Let's Get Big Titties and if that's wrong then we don't wanna be right! Not to alarm anybody but I think this might be the best take on the Don't Say Gay bill that anyo...

And baby there AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN BIIIII ENOUGH. AIN'T NO VALLEY LOWWW ENOUGH. AIN'T NO RIVER WIIIIDE ENOUGH Biiii like an eagle... To the seaaaaaa Happy Sheaster! We're back! We know we shouldn't have kept you waiting...  but we're here now. Playtime is officially OVER and we're back to tackle the world's biggest issues: you guessed it. Whether it's worse to have a cheating man or a bisexual man....

***PATRONS ONLY*** GET OUR MONEY UP ON PATREON BITCH .   Well, this one's a bit of a buzzer-beater (Basketball reference, teehee!) but we TOLD you we'd get you one premium episode per month!! This week, we're setting aside our SWERF tendencies and embracing our new bestie TUCKER WILDE, Dallas's premiere bona fide gay porno starlet! It's a sexy little pillow fight you DON'T want to miss.    This mo...