Thot Topics

Lin Manuel Miranda presents the premiere Thot Topics musical event of the season, ENCUNTO, a journey through the latinx heart and a touching story for the whole family about the power of love, community, and apple cherry coochie clit. We're back! And not a moment too late. First, we perform a wellness check on one another-- taking stock of our respective fitness journeys before taking a look at Ni...

GAYLIEN VS PREDATOR. WHO WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE OF THE ANCIENTS???   It's a good old fashioned Thot Topics romp and we must've been pretty hangry because there's a lot of yelling on this one! We go knock-knock-knockin' on three different gay guy's doors to cuff that ass and throw them in the SLAMMER where they belong. And you'll never guess where we put the key ;) A great deal is res...

Someone help! I think I smell a yaaas leak!   In our triumphant return following our star-crossed meeting with Slayyyter, we're back to business as usual-- talking shit about gay guys online. First, we do a little bit of catching up on our personal lives and talk about THE WAR. Then, it's on to more important things.   First, we speculate on a certain Twitter gay's new surrogate baby. Should gay g...

In a historic girls' chat that was predestined-- carved on an ancient tome and locked deep beneath the earth for centuries-- we are joined by the one and only motherfuckin' goddamn SLAYYYTER in her podcasting debut. EVERYTHING is exposed. And you KNOW I mean our tits! It's impossible to summarize just how important the content of this episode is. It's basically the fucking State of the Union addre...

Chernobyl you betta don't!   We're back for another solo episode and this week, we're Putin on the ritz and launching a full-scale ATTACK on Charli XCX. Crimea river!   But first, there's important business to attend to-- from reflecting on whether or not college was worth it, to revealing how much our rent is, to performing a wellness check on each other as we continue our new jobs. It's sisterly...

Hey girl, what's Vack and Brown and CUNT all over? Just WAIT until you hear the answer... We return for the first episode of SHAMROCK SHAKE SEASON to have the Thot Topics Barbara Walters Power Hour with stars, siblings, movers, shakers, and now canon members of the Thot Topics Universe-- BETSEY MUTHAFUCKIN BROWN and PETER GODDAMN VACK. We dive deep into Betsey's feature film debut "ACTORS" mere da...

M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M Body crazy curvy wavy big titties little waist, M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M   Abuse: Do you deserve it? We hope you have a list of hotlines posted to your refrigerator because this one's gonna be a bumpy ride! BUT, not before we get some small potatoes out of the way. First, we perform a wellness check-- Cris reveals the dark dangers of working from home and how you can bri...

We screwed the pooch on this one guys. My MacBook ran out of space while we were recording (but it didn't tell me that until AFTER we recorded for like 40 minutes) and now we're stuck with a sort of incomplete episode... but we didn't want to leave you hanging! The front half of this is a classique girls chat... and the back half, well... turn your volume up. At your own risk. LOL. May wind up kee...

It's officially 2022, and we're resolving to TEAR!   In yet another triumphant return to form following a brief(ish) hiatus, we are back to take stock of all that went down in 2021-- from boiled cats, to gay throuples, to Nicki Minaj's couins balls. We really do it ALL. We run a fine-toothed comb through a meticulously constructed timeline of the past year-- and decide which events GAVE and which...

Cuz when youuu're-- 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you gotta report themmm...   The girls face the end of the Year of the Ox-- and girl, you know they have to pull the cart, girl. We do a light bit of girly catch-up chitchat before launching into the week's most pressing matters. In what can only be described as an extremely pro-woman episode, we defend a woman's right to hate pornograph...

I'm twenty-five years old... and I don't know how to gape...   We're back and on schedule! We told you we wouldn't keep you waiting. Hush now-- mommy and mommy are here. This one's a doozy so hold on tight-- keep it ALL tight if you can manage it!   This week, we take some big swings and it's nothing but grand slams babe. First, we pick apart Pitchfork's Top 100 songs of the year and answer all of...

OUR coconuts. You will put them in your mouth: right now, right now. (Right now, right now.)   Thot Topics Queens are Thot Topics Fiends-- and Thot Topics fiends get the greens. It's payout time-- we're BACK after an accidental two-week long break! Cris was out of town for a while so naturally we have a LOT of girly catching up to do. So don't expect any actual topics until about an hour in. LOOSE...

The girls are BACK after a brief Nick's Birthday sabbatical and we FINALLY address the rumors... YES we are female hackers. YES it is both dangerous and rewarding. YES we wear a tight fitting turtleneck that creates a uniboob. WE EXIST!!!! This week, we're joined by return guest RIVER PAGE (@river_is_nice) to discuss the news of the moment, and of some moments we missed. First, we finally review B...

We're Billy RePorters and we're hot (or at least a 7) on the scene of the crime!   This week, we dig through their trash heap of a Twitter timeline to find something-- literally ANYTHING-- to talk about. We fuck around for a while first, and in the grand Thot Topics tradition just wind up talking about food and snacks for a good 20 minutes-- topics this week include the BRAT diet, the Mexican BRAT...

What's up you fuckin' stupid alien? Pop a squat with us and crack open a fresh copy of the Bitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy-- there's much to explore, and SO little time... This week, the girls get a little sidetracked talking about their personal journeys as their dreaded first-ever mid-twenties birthday approaches. What's acceptable to do in your twenties that must now be left behind? Is "weight...

In perhaps our most Cronenbergian episode of all time, we do a little bit of body-ody-ody horror as a treat. In an extravaganza of all things fecal, urinal, and genital, we skinny dip in the wet primordial ooze of human experience wearing nothing but a white crop top-- and emerge, nipples protruding. This week, we talk about Meghan Trainor taking a shit adjacent to her husband-- and do an exposé o...

All aboard the Witness Wagon, and buckle up tight, cuz it's gonna be a BUMP-y ride... It was a slow news week so the girls usher in October with a little bit of sisterly competition-- a definitive tier ranking of the female pop albums of the 2010's. This is our bread and fucking butter right here, so you DON'T want to miss it. We rank the girls of yesteryear based on quality, impact, and the Thot...

We're in the HIV Lane, we're in the HIV Lane, and YOU! Y-Y-YOU! Y-Y-YOU! SOUL TRAIN!   In a classic men-in-women's-business bonanza, the girls take a thrilling deep dive into fashion, fascists, and faggots! We review some of the looks from the Met Gala and wonder if next year should be the Het Gala so Dan Levy can't come; Nicki Minaj's fated run-in with the deep state and the heinous liberal media...

We require the clues, Steven… Deliver us the clues so we may feed…   Well girls, it’s just ME and YOU and MY DOG BLUE as we traverse the rocky terrain of culture once again. This week, we cover the new Lana track “Arcadia” and wonder if she is seeing everybody she knows as a car— plus give our thoughts on the Blue Banisters era overall. Then, we talk the Troye Sivan cum-back single “Angel Baby,” a...

I'm not a girl... not yet a drag queen...   This week, we convene for an international crisis panel to address the troubling military occupation in the middle east-- and after much consideration, we've decided to TaliSTAN! With that settled, we dive into much more pressing issues affecting underserved populations: the new Lizzo and Cardi B song, Lorde's comeback album Solar Power, and Hasan Piker'...

The planet's getting hotter and hotter, sexy and hotter, let's shut it down! We're joined by the elegant, demure, emotionally complicated and tantalizing G Rock and Crypto Psi of the Rare Candy podcast for a riveting roundtable of global proportions. We discuss Tan France's new baby and whether or not there needs to be a mom; the UN's climate change red alert and being haunted by your litter like...

Oh my God, somebody HELP! Matt Damon is chasing me down the street and calling me a fucking FAGGOT! Welcome back to our Barbie Dream House of cosmic justice to all little thotties and recent converts. We welcome you with open, warm, and supple bosom to take a look back at all things gay-as-in-stupid online this week. We're sorry we took a little break, but we explain our brief sabbatical in extens...

You know you love us... XOXO, The Thot Topics Girls... Peppa who? Pig girl. We're back with a vengeance to review the dreaded Gossip Girl reboot, and it's a boot indeed. We answer all the burning questions: Can you make a good TV drama that revolves around iPhones? Is this literally just The Shade Room? Is it actually better to cast horny teens that are actually teens? ALL is revealed. Plus, we il...

On the first day, God fucked him all night. On the second day, God fucked him all day. On the third day, God fucked him on sight. On the fourth day, God fucked him all ways. We come to you in radical faith to spread His word. Amen, baby. The Thot Topics e-lounge was starting to collect dust so we decided to shake out the curtains and let in the LIGHT, better known as beloved Twitter gay and friend...

Oh fuck!! I just spilled genderfluid all over the IKEA loveseat! Sure would be a shame if someone were to... soak it up... with THEIR big ass... We took a little break, but now it's back to us. The docket is long. The docket is thick. The docket will not be important in three days. GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT. After a riveting discussion of our teenage employment histories, we launch into the nitty-grit...