The Widowed Parent Podcast

"You've got a very hard job, but not an impossible job. And, really make sure you're taking care of yourself so that you can take care of your kids." ~ Shelly Bathe Lenn I had such a great discussion with Shelly Bathe Lenn for this episode. Shelly runs The Garden: A Center for Grieving Children and Teens in Northampton, Massachusetts. Shelly and I had a wide-ranging discussion, covering topics suc...

"I realized that I wanted to use my pain for purpose. The first thing was, 'I'm not going to be defeated by this. Caleb's not going to lose both of his parents.' But then I think as I started to work through and surrender to the journey and say, 'Well, okay, but how can I use this?,' because then it would actually honor my husband's life and his death wouldn't be in vain." -Karen Millsap   I'm so...

"The greatest gift we can give our teenagers if we can is to be really boring and self-sufficient as parents, to allow them to be the ones whose lives feel a little unsteady and unpredictable and drama-filled. That's sort of what it means to be a teenager. And so if we can surround them with a pretty stable and boring environment, where we're meeting our needs in lots of ways that don't necessaril...

"Grief has a way of seeping from the inside out in the most unexpected ways.  Being prepared and open to field unexpected situations, with keeping in mind honoring the deceased parent in that whole picture, is probably one of the most important things that you can bring to the relationship. I believe that remaining open to ways to help a child navigate their grief process is going to be one of the...

"Children can be resilient. But we know there are factors that have to do with building resiliency in them. They are not automatically any more resilient than we are, or than anybody is. If anything, they're very vulnerable to a lot of things. Losing a parent in childhood is one of the most adverse events that can occur in a child's life. So, to just say they're resilient, they'll be fine, is not...

"It really is about trusting yourself. Trusting your kids. Absolutely get professional help. Get community around you. Whittle down your life to the most essential components if you can. Insulate yourself in a way that prioritizes your time, prioritizes your healing. I think those are the things that I've taken most away from this. Be authentic, be kind to yourself, give yourself a lot of grace."...

"You're not alone. There are many, many people out there going through the same thing as you. You do not have to be perfect. You were not perfect before your husband or wife or partner died, and you don't need to be perfect now. Give yourself some leeway. Be self-forgiving, and be patient with yourself. You're going to drop a lot of balls. You're going to sometimes feel like it's overwhelming. You...

"Love yourself as fiercely as you can. And let it be what it is. And yes, life will be different, but that doesn't mean it has to be limited. And just let it unfold. And love yourself through it. No rights, no wrongs, no judgement, no should be farther along than you are, no I'm not parenting well enough, or I should be better or my kids deserve better, or I have to fix it for them. It's not usefu...

"You really need to be the parent in their lives still. Now you have to be both parents really. So you have to put in that much extra work. Even though [you're] grieving, and with the whole world maybe crashing down, you still need to provide that structure and be that parent for that kid, because otherwise it's going to affect your relationship going forward."   --Austin Shoecraft I had such an i...

"You have all the tools inside you to do it. You're the perfectly imperfect parent to do this with your kiddo. Just talk about it. Just say something. Just open the door. That's all you have to do. Just start. Start anywhere, and start awkwardly, and don't feel like you have to have it perfect, because none of us do." --Therapist & parenting coach Tracey Biebel I'm very excited today to bring you...

  "The best thing that I can say, that's taken me time to come to, is that your family is whole just as it is. And there will be that place of missing, always.… And I really am beginning to understand more and more, even though we're a two-person family right now, there is so much wholeness of us as a family… Often times to see yourself whole means reaching out, to know you're not the only one tha...

"I've lived in that isolation and there were times where I thought that was a good place to be. And again it feels good very momentarily, and then you realize there's no growth and no healing that ever comes from that, at least in my perspective. Be there for each other. That's kind of what it boils down to." -Writer Jacob Pippin I had such a great discussion with Jacob Pippin for this episode. Ja...

"I would say the biggest thing that I learned is that no matter what you're feeling, it's ok. If you're feeling really sad and it's 12 years later, that's ok. And that if you're really laughing and having fun, you don't need to feel guilty for that. Whatever you're feeling is really ok. And that I think helped me a lot, and helped my kids a lot too." ~Widowed parent and blogger Wendy Clough I real...

"There are some, in grief, who immediately throw themselves into pictures and memories. I am not that type of person. It has been 15 months since my sister died, but I still choose not to look at pictures of her. The heartache is too much. It will not always be this way, but this is how I feel now. Despite where I am in my own process, I wanted my nephew to be able to access pictures of his mom wh...

"Live your life the way that you feel called to do it. Parent the way you know your kids because you were created to be their parent. And nobody can take that away from you. And do not listen to the critics, because they will always be there. That advice has stayed with me forever, and it's something I pass only every single one of my clients." -Certified grief, health, and life coach Kendra Ziera...

Welcome to The Widowed Parent Podcast! I'm having so much fun connecting with such interesting people and putting this show together, and I wanted to just pause a moment and let you know what's coming. Each week I go out in search of people who can provide advice & inspiration on this 'only-parent' journey, and share what I'm learning with all of you. https://widowedparentpodcast.com