The Widowed Parent Podcast

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published April 3, 2019 Today we're going to really focus in on the grief piece of the widowed parenting puzzle. It can be really hard for widowed parents to know how to help their children with their grief, because most of us don't have much experience, nor any education, in this. And so, I'm really glad to share with you today my discussion with  Buffy Peters and Sash...

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published January 16, 2019 I had such a great discussion with Dr. Justin Yopp of the University of North Carolina for this episode. Justin is a clinical psychologist and is co-author of the book, "The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life." I really enjoyed our wide-ranging discussion. It was a fascinating mix of practical and academic, and included some great sto...

I had such a great discussion with Rachel Kodanaz for this episode. Rachel is the author of three grief-related books, and is an expert on returning to work after a loss – both from the perspective of the grieving person and the perspective of the employer. In fact, she consults with and speaks to organizations large and small on this topic. She's a widowed mom herself, having lost her husband whe...

I had such a great discussion with Litsa Williams for this episode. Litsa is the co-founder of the popular grief blog and website What's Your Grief, and I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer at the National Alliance for Grieving Children symposium. What's Your grief has so many articles on every different topic related to grief and loss, and they also have a number of really innovative pro...

I had such a great discussion with my friend Nancy Bearg for this episode. Nancy is the co-author of "Reboot Your Life: Energize Your Career and Life by Taking a Break." I invited her to be on the show because I've heard from a number of listeners who are wondering if it's ok to take a sabbatical-type break from work after becoming a widowed parent, and looking for ideas on how to make that work....

I had such a great discussion with Allison Gilbert for this episode. I had the pleasure of meeting Allison earlier this summer at the National Alliance for Grieving Children annual symposium in Snowbird, Utah. Allison is a board member of the NAGC, and was a keynote speaker at the symposium. I knew right away that she would be fantastic to talk to about practical ideas for keeping the memories of...

I had such a great discussion with Lisa Heffernan, co-author of the brand-new book out this week called "Grown and Flown: How to Support Your Teen, Stay Close as a Family, and Raise Independent Adults." This is one of those episodes that is not grief-specific. I was so glad to talk to Lisa about her new book because so often I hear from widowed parents that one of their challenges isn't really rel...

I had such a great discussion with Arlen Gaines and Meredith Polsky for this episode. Meredith and Arlen are social workers who have written a book series called "I Have a Question" for kids with autism. One of their books is about death; another is about cancer. I heard them present on a webinar for the National Alliance for Grieving Children on the topic of grief and kids with autism, and realiz...

"For children their grief marches forward in a different way, meaning that as they grow and develop, they will have to revisit it at a new developmental stage. It's going to continue to change so that it's going to keep moving forward in time. Whereas for the adult -- the partner, the wife, the husband, let's say -- we're always looking back at our loss, where she's looking forward at her loss. We...

"Just like your child needs to be with other teenagers who've experienced parental loss, a death in the family, your LGBTQ teenager needs to find other LGBTQ teenagers. And that connection is the thing that's going to not just get them through, but make them whole." - Bridget Hughes I had such a great discussion with Bridget Hughes and Lizzie McAdam of the Hetrick-Martin Institute for this episode...

"Exploring grief through creativity provides a really valuable experience. Students can learn more about themselves through the creation process. And it does take a certain level of bravery to submit the work for evaluation because that might not necessarily be the reason why you created it. But I invite creative students who are coping with grief to do that very thing, which is to submit their wo...

"If you have kids, ask them questions about it, talk to them. Don't just like leave them to grieve and mourn on their own. Especially if they're really down, you might want to ask questions and ask if they want to go through some therapy or something like that." - Megan Lisk I have a very special guest in the podcast studio with me today … my daughter, Megan Lisk. Megan is 12, and her dad -- my hu...

"Road to Resilience is a project in partnership with the New York Life Foundation to record the stories of kids grieving the death of somebody who is important to them. It's really meant to give them a space to talk about who they are and share their grief stories and grief journeys, and memories of the important person in their lives." - Perri Chinalai, StoryCorps I had such a great discussion wi...

"The purpose of Kesem is that we're creating a space for kids to be kids and have this opportunity that they don't have throughout the rest of the year, because they're not necessarily connected to anyone else that's going through what they're going through. With that in mind though, part of what's special about camp is that it's really truly a summer camp in the essence of all of those outdoors e...

"The traditional grief support equation is a room full of individuals that are grieving, that are sharing their experiences and generally have a facilitator. And we have found that that is a brilliant model for children and adolescents, and even adults. It's this 18-to-25 year old age group that has really matured out of that model and has not gone back to it. Our young adults want to be active. F...

"My whole life I had heard people say, oh, you've been through so much, you're so strong. You're so amazing that you were able to move past that and rise above it. But what they didn't understand -- and I didn't understand myself at the time, really -- was that was my coping mechanism, to keep moving so that you didn't have to think about it." - Kris Marsh I had such a great discussion with Kris M...

"One of the things that's really difficult with loss is staying self-regulated, and being able to take care of ourselves and knowing what it takes to take care of ourselves. And mindfulness can have a really big impact on self-regulation." — Emily Irwin I had such a great discussion with Emily Irwin for this episode. Emily is a therapist and a mindfulness expert based here in Seattle. It seems tha...

"As activities or writing projects come up, gift-making for parents around these days, we can help prepare our children for what is the language you want to share. And even help a child come to an understanding that, yep, you've still got a mom, your mom's not walking on the earth, that her body has stopped working. She died. And it's okay to honor that she's your mom, and what she looked like, an...

"The one thing I would have to say about giving a parent advice on what to tell their child is that they don't have to live with this guilt for their entire life. I would advise parents to still encourage their kids to be happy, and not make their parent's death their identity. But I would also say that they need to acknowledge it because it is a part of their life. And they don't have to be sad f...

"To newly widowed parents: be very tender, kind, with yourself and give yourself what you need in that moment to be where you are. There's nothing to fix. So often our culture and community tries to have us bypass and to get better and to function and to do well. Give yourself some tenderness and be kind to yourself and really honor where you are." - Marni Henderson I had such a great discussion w...

"My dad didn't see the best of me, and he didn't get the chance to see what I was capable of. How I can use my stubbornness to be better. And so I decided -- I said, I'm going to show you. Wherever you are, you're looking at me, I'm going to show you that I am going to be better. That I will work in a different way. I will enjoy life. I will not be sad for long. I am angry, and I stayed angry for...

"One of the things I love to say to children, no matter what their question is, is that is a great question. Thank you for asking that question. Even if my next words are going to be, "I don't know either." And it's okay. It is hard for parents to say "I don't know" sometimes. But if I am constantly saying, wow, what a great question -- I just think it's keeping that door open so that the child kn...

"I would tell anybody to find some sort of group of people to speak with. People who are somewhat similarly situated so that you can kind of lean on each other as you navigate these waters of uncertainty, because it's rough and it helps having someone you can lean on. Especially with dads who are dealing with other guys who may not be as open to talking about it." - Will Owens Today I'm so pleased...

"Research shows that if you take one of your top five strengths and use it in a new way every day for seven days, it's been shown to lift depression for up to six months."  -Pam Garramone   I'm so happy to bring you my discussion with Pam Garramone. Pam is a positive psychology coach who teaches people how to be happier. It's important to note that Pam is not talking about ignoring or minimizing t...

"To newly widowed parents, I would say to give yourself a break. Please take care of yourself. Whatever it is that gives you joy or peace or rest, please do that for yourself, and recognize how hard you're working. You are on 24/7 right now. And you deserve a break, you need a break, you're working hard, and if you've made it through today, then congratulations and give yourself a pat on the back,...