The Weekly Inventions Of Dr Splatterjacket

With the LumaLedger you can shine a light on your finances… literally. It is the world’s very first combination torch and bank account monitoring system. Allowing you to use the LumaLedger to work out if you can afford another one… which of course you can. Get it now!

Do your sandals not automatically clean the floor what you are walking? Do you not even own sandals? Then I can 100% tell you that your kitchen floor isn’t as clean as it could be with SoapSteps. It cleans while you step, and even if you stand still for a bit. Admittedly if you just stand completely still it won’t clean much of your room, but who would do that? Only the kind of person who doesn’t...

Of course you, like me, keep all of your important stuff in a secret vault. That’s obvious… but unlike me you probably don’t lock your vault or check that people haven’t broken in and stolen your stuff. I have revolutionised the vault by not only locking it, but being able to monitor my vault 24/7 on my watch. Get your VaultWatch before I steal your stuff.

How do you know when you have enough food on your plate? If you are using the old method of waiting until it starts spilling over the sides then let me tell you that is very wasteful. I used to do that… but now I use MeasurePlate which is a plate with measurements on it. Simple as that!

Do you often find the need to rub out quite large mistakes at the same time as the need to transport an infant? It might seem like quite a niche requirement, but a) GlideErase is definitely the best way to do both and b) once you have one, you’ll find it comes up a lot more than you might think.

Do you sometimes forget the best ideas that you come up with while having a hot drink? Of course you do… but I don’t because my mug is also a white board. Get your WhiteBrew now!

Do you get wet when it rains? Of course you do… but I don’t because I have DrySmile… just brush your teeth and get all day protection from the rain… If you don’t get DrySmile then don’t come crying to me when you get wet… your tears will just bounce off me.

Introducing the ultimate way to relax… It’s called drawing. You might be drawing using old fashioned methods, but not me… I’m using the SketchSeat… with a pencil so big it forms part of the structure of the seat. Get yours today!

CalmiPaper is revolutionary paper that works just like normal paper, and if you are in 7% of the population, then it will also make you feel calmer, although it won’t actually solve the problems that are stressing you out. Get CalmiPaper today and hope you are either in the 7% of the population, or that the anxiety inducing situation has cleared itself up by the time the paper arrives.

Are you sick of composing music on an instrument and then having to remember what you composed and write it down later? Is there a way you can convince yourself that this is the main reason you don’t compose music? Your problem is solved with FluTonePen. A combination flute and pen which allows you to write while you compose.

Do you wish you had Satnav everywhere you go, without having to look at it. Now with GuideJacket your jacket will literally tell you where to go, by flashing the indicators built into each sleeve. Not only is that great for you, but also for other pavement users. Stop crashing into people while walking and get your GuideJacket today!

Do you sometimes need to print things and saw things at the same time? Of course you do, and if you don’t have a bit of a look at yourself. With PrintSaw suddenly doing these two things takes half the time (or the same amount of time as doing just one activity). Get yours today.

Do you use the same passwords over and over again. Would you like to use a password manager but worry about what would happen if all your passwords got stolen. Does that thought make you sweat? Well then you need my combination Password Manager and Fan… PassFan! You’d be Fool!sh1 not to.

Do you sometimes have to do the washing up and read an important paper or book at the same time? Are you always late with your homework or your household chores or both? Then get the Wash And Read today it will mean you are done in half the time.

Are you a government looking to invest in vital infrastructure… then you need WashRide a new kind of bus where passengers can also wash their clothes… it is innovations like this that the modern voter wants so buy a fleet of WashRides… today!

Is your desk a boring normal one that just sits in the corner of the room? Would it surprise you to learn that my desk is also a boat? That’s right with DeskAfloat you can have a desk, a boat… or the best of both worlds a desk you can work on as you float gently down stream.

Do you need a combination nightlight to keep you safe at night and portable speaker to keep you boogieing (also potentially at night but alternatively in the day)? Then you need SafeSound it keeps you safe and sound as a pound (although the price is slightly higher than 1 pound).

Do you need to repair things? Important disclaimer: I’m talking about clothes not relationships here. If it is clothes then StitchBond is the perfect tool for you, if it is relationships then you’ll have to go and talk to somebody else.

Do you enjoy washing up so much you think people should sell tickets to watch you do it? Or do you hate washing up so much that you wish people would buy tickets to do your washing up for you? Then you need DishTicket which isn’t really about having anyone around, but makes washing up so fun you’ll wish it was.

Do you want to hear music almost at the same time as you comb your hair? Of course you do, that’s why you need my combination Harmonica and Comb the HarmoComb as soon as possible.

Do you need news everywhere you go? I bet you look at your phone for such things, I don’t because I have my news built into my shirt. Get NewsWear today!

Are you unable to ride a bike because you don’t know where you are going? That never happens to me because I have MapBike a bike with a built in automatic mapping, and it can even do the turning for you. Why don’t you have one?

Do you need to run away from, but stay in touch with somebody who is investigating your mine (or other thing you are wanting to run away from, but have to keep in touch with) then it sounds like you need ComuniJet.

When you are vacuuming I assume you get ick on you… all over you! But I don’t because I use the world’s first combination vacuum cleaner and hand sanitiser. No mess, no fuss, with SanitiClean your house will be clean in exactly the same time as always, but you will be clean too!

What do you do when somebody not near you needs a bandage? Do you panic? Worry? Cry? Well I don’t because I use AeroPatch to deliver a bandage anywhere in the world by drone. I don’t know why you don’t have one?