The Trauma Nerd

When something hurts, the instinct is obvious: aim for the opposite.  Feel worthless? Aim for worthy.  Can't trust anyone? Commit to trusting everyone. It sounds like progress; like the right step forward. In this episode I unpack why that instinct rarely works — why the healthy version of where you want to be is unlikely the polar opposite of where you are now, and what to aim for instead. ...

You're probably pretty good at the soft stuff. The kindness, the compassion, the not being too hard on yourself. Good. Keep doing that. But that's only half of good parenting. The other half has a fire to it, and most of us are accidentally skipping it. This episode covers: Why self-discipline is an act of love, not punishment The "it's not my fault-itis" problem and why d...

You pull over, hands shaking, absolutely raging. How dare they. What is wrong with that person. You're furious. Except you're not, really. Underneath that rage is something far more vulnerable, and your body knows it before you do. This episode is a simple, fast-acting tool for discharging anger from the body, the kind that flares up after a trauma trigger or a genuine threat. I also tel...

You judge yourself for being judgy. Then you judge yourself for judging your judgeme—ok, we're already exhausted. In this episode Helen discusses how judgements are relevant to trauma work, and how to figure out what your judgy thoughts are actually trying to tell you. Your judgment isn't the enemy. It's pointing to something. This week, follow it. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify , Apple or Yo...

“You might feel worse before you feel better”. It sounds like a disclaimer, a therapist butt-covering exercise if you will. I used to think so too.  But after many years of doing trauma and EMDR therapy, I have learned that you can absolutely feel worse before you feel better. It is legit, but it does deserve some attention, because feeling worse and getting worse are not the same thing. That dist...

You don't have to be a perfect parent. But there is one thing that makes an enormous difference to what your child thinks about themselves, and it's not whether you lose your temper. It's what you do after. Young children can't separate what happens around them from what it means about them. When a rupture goes unaddressed, a child's brain doesn't file it under "...

You've had the insight. Someone laid out a completely airtight case for why the belief you hold about yourself is wrong. You saw it, you agreed, it made total sense. And then absolutely nothing changed.  This is not a you problem.  It's actually a clue, and it's telling you something specific about what kind of belief you're dealing with. Because not all beliefs work the same w...

Do you have a chronic case of the guilts? You're probably carrying more than your share. Most people assume responsibility is simple: either it's your fault or it isn't. But that binary rarely gets you to the truth. It distorts what actually happened and creates guilt that was never yours to carry. This episode covers: Why feeling responsible isn't the same as being responsible...

You've heard it. You've probably said it. "I didn't mean it like that." And maybe that's true. But it doesn't matter as much as you think it does. This episode unpacks one of the most common damaging patterns in relationships — confusing intention, outcome and responsibility. Good intentions don't erase harm. They don't replace an apology. And when &quo...

You've seen it everywhere. On social media, in the comments, maybe even from people who should probably know better. "Hurt people hurt people."  The intention behind it isn't wrong, but somewhere along the way it became a get-out-of-jail-free card. And that's where Helen has a problem with it. Understanding someone's pain and excusing their behaviour are not the same...

You've heard of EMDR. Maybe your therapist mentioned it, maybe you're on a waitlist for it, maybe you keep seeing it online and wondering if it's actually legit or another wellness trend with good branding. This episode is the honest, no-shortcuts explanation you've been looking for. Helen Billows — registered psychologist, EMDR therapist, and EMDR consultant — breaks down what...

Some people knit. Helen reads trauma research for funsies. And now you get the good bits, without spending your nights googling. The Trauma Nerd is where evidence-based psychology meets the real experience of trauma, EMDR, and what actually happens inside the therapy room. Hosted by psychologist and EMDR consultant Helen Billows, this show covers complex concepts without losing the human underneat...