The Thriveology Podcast For Thrive Nation

It happened long ago, in what feels like another life.  And the story I tell is absolutely true (as far as I absolutely remember it happening this way!).  I promise accuracy, as far as my memory is capable. Early in my college life, my rather foolish young man's brain thought it made sense to drive to the beach, toward a pending hurricane. . . and surf!  I will readily admit that if my kids checke...

It's a dizzying world, disorienting and jarring.  And every day, you have to make decisions about how to live your life.  What is your primary focus point?  How do you orient your life? In workshops, I have asked this same question.  People begin to name their priorities:  family, happiness, reputation, respect, or even profit.  Does that provide a moment-by-moment re-orientation? Nope. The other...

In recent days, I have been with people in the middle of horrific losses.  Inevitably, someone steps up  and in an attempt to comfort, says, "Everything happens for a reason." That comment is rarely comforting in the painful moments. But deeper than that, is it even true? Many people default to this as a reaction to something that happens and is outside of our capacity to understand. Sometimes, we...

Yep, MY midlife.  Because I find myself at midlife (maybe, even probably, beyond "midpoint," but in the midst of midlife). I thought that since I have been discussing midlife transitions and crises, I needed to be open about my own midlife issues and transitions.  While not a crisis, it is definitely a transition. Let me be clear that I don't believe I should in any way be a model of how to do thi...

"I think I might be depressed," he told me.  I wasn't convinced. When Brian was talking, it seemed he was searching more than he was lost. Depression, unhappiness, and a midlife crisis can look very similar. But they are very different.  And the way through each is different. Brian felt depressed.  But in reality, he was trying to figure it all out.  He was in a crisis.  He didn't need to be treat...

Not every mid-lifer manages a crisis.  Many make a healthy transition to the new stage of life and development. The difference? There are several factors that come into play.  Central is a misunderstanding about what is happening. Many people refuse to admit some change is happening.  They hold onto old models that no longer work.  They cling to old habits that no longer help. When people come int...

Most people slide right into midlife, out of breath from exertion.  Up until then, it is all about achieve.  What can I do, build, and achieve?  Then, something shifts.  It is about believe.  What do I believe?  What's important?  What will I leave as my legacy? And that is the heart of a midlife crisis.  Meaning becomes a dominant theme, often covered up by the fumblings of someone not used to th...

This week, we turn our attention to mid-life.  Maybe because that is where I am! Many clients come to me in the midst of a midlife crisis.  But that term carries so much baggage that many people are even embarrassed to consider the fact that it might just be. . . a. . . mid-life crisis brewing! Too bad.  In reality, mid life is all about transformation.  New opportunities abound.  Possible growth...

Every year, my everyone in my family chooses a word to live into for the coming year.  This replaced my New Year's Resolutions almost a decade ago.  After I started this podcast, I have shared my word with you. 2016 was my year of Appreciation.  I wrote letters to a number of people, letting them know how much I appreciated them in my life.  I took a number of people out to lunch and did the same...

How many times do you hear someone say, "I'm so stressed!"  Or how many times do YOU think and feel that? We live in a culture that seems to revel in being stressed.  Unfortunately, it is sometimes a badge of honor -- the cost of being in demand and doing important stuff. But is it? How do you not just "deal" with stress, but beat stress?  Well, first, we need to be clear about what stress REALLY...

How do you build a thriving year?  By having thriving days. How do you have thriving days?  By focusing on how you start your day and end your day.  What happens in the middle tends to take care of itself -- IF you start strong and end strong. Do you have a morning plan or ritual? How about an evening plan or ritual?  Are you still looking for a way to start and end each day? I'm not sure my plan...

"You can't take my joy!"  What a great line.  And it fits so many times.  You are having a great day -- and then that one person, that difficult person. . . .  They try to rob your joy! So, how DO you deal with difficult people?  Because they are all around.  At work, in your community. . . maybe even in your own family! You can't escape them.  You need a plan on how to deal with them. Let me tell...

In the midst of my own serious illness years ago, I had friends who were more than willing to share with me the many ways I might die from my illness.  They seemed to have missed the fact that I had the same information. But they also missed the fact that I refused to play through every potential scenario.  Not because I was in denial, but because it did not benefit me to focus on it. In reflectio...

If there is one thing clearly evident:  we do not have a choice in what life sends our way.  Sometimes, things happen.  Good things, bad things, in-between things.  "Stuff" happens. Sometimes, we have zero control over what happens.  Sometimes, we have some influence on what happens.  Sometimes, we have control.  But what about the things that just happen? We have no choice about that. But we do h...

When I look around, it seems that everything has a design, a purpose.  Trees have a design of making leaves and fruit.  When the design fails, the tree fails and dies. I believe humans have a design built in.  We are designed for making an impact.  The impact can be helpful or harmful.  We can look around and see plenty of harmful impacts humans have made.  And we can also look around for helpful...

Have you ever wondered whether your brain controlled your mind or your mind controlled your brain?  Here is the answer: YES. Your brain certainly affects your thinking. But your thinking affects your brain. . . and you can CHOOSE where your thoughts dwell. Brain chemistry is much more complicated.  And we know very little about how that chemistry works, anyway. What we DO know about the brain is t...

How do you spend your time?  What an interesting phrase.  You are, whether you realize it or not, spending a commodity.  In fact, the most valuable commodity.  Because you can't get it back.  You spend an hour on something.  That hour is gone.  Spend some money on an outfit, and you can make more money.  But you can't make more time. Do you treat your time as a precious commodity?  Or do you find...

Do you ever find yourself "lost in thought?"  I am willing to bet your thoughts are pulling to the past, the future, or an alternate past.  In other words, you are thinking about what happened (or you wish had happened) or about what might happen. But life is flying by right NOW.  And being lost to the past/future of your mind. We humans are blessed and cursed.  We are blessed with the capacity of...

Here's a concept that trips up many people:  Forgiveness. Oh, sure, you know you should forgive.  But you just don't know if that is the best idea.  Maybe you believe you just can't forget what happened (myth:  "forgive and forget").  Or maybe you don't think that person deserves to be "let off the hook" (also a myth).  Or perhaps you don't want to have anything to do with that person (forgiving a...

Control.  We all want it.  We all try to have it. And yet, we usually try to control things we cannot control (like, say, other people).  At the same time, we often fail to control the things we can (like, say, ourselves!). Which tends to pretty much keep us spinning around.  Frustration and desperation come on the heels of feeling out of control. One important issue:  we have to discern between t...

Ever notice how much time and energy we spend (waste) struggling with "what is?" We want things to be different than they are.  We want things to have happened differently than they did. Yet here we are, and those things DID happen. And we still spend time and energy thinking about how things "should" be different, trying to somehow "make" them different.  All to no avail. We are better served com...

100% All you. Your life is 100% your responsibility.  (Notice I did NOT say 100% your fault.  HUGE difference between fault and responsibility.) Your life and how it goes is YOUR responsibility.  That would be your "Ability to Respond."  You get a choice in that. Many times, we like to pretend we don't have choices, we are pushed by forces beyond us.  And yes, things do happen.  We then have a cho...

Fear is wired into our brain.  And there isn't any way to unwire it! Which is probably for the best.  Sometimes, fear keeps you from doing something foolish.  It helps to keep you alive. But it can also keep you stuck. In many coaching sessions, I ask, "Why didn't you do that very important thing you know you need to do in order to have a better life, a thriving life?" (OK, I usually condense that...

Other than a few people who were being self-critical and a bit harsh with themselves, I have yet to have someone say, "You know, I am just not trying.  I am kinda sliding by, not really doing what I think I should." Almost everyone (other than those few who were really just sharing their personal self-criticism) tells me how they are doing the best they can. . . and not getting where they want to...

There is one constant in life:  Change.  It doesn't matter if you hate change (most people) or love change (a few people -- but usually, only when the change is going their way!).  The change happens. Watch the seasons of the year go by.  Summer just blew through.  Fall is, inescapably (at least north of the equator) coming in.  Watch your kids.  Like it or not, they keep right on marching toward...