The Ten Thousand Things

Do most straight men reserve their truest love and romance for other men? Marilyn Frye thinks so, and today we consider a quote from her classic book of feminist essays The Politics of Reality We found ourselves in agreement with Frye's observations. But we debate and detail the angles:  Is heterosexual male culture (always) homoerotic? Do men save their 'best' for each other? Do many men find tru...

Moving from Fear, to Joy of Missing Out and beyond both.  FOMO arises from projection and fantasy, as does a lot of the imagined enjoyment of the imagined pleasures. We might imagine that: everything we want is outside ourselves pleasure, meaning or peak experiences must be mediated by something: people, substances, or outside events that we have to follow a formula to achieve them We chew over th...

Is Attachment Theory the new Myers-Briggs? No Is it helping? Yes! Is attachment also about friendship, family and self relationships? Yes! Is it the magic bullet? Kind of, if you study Attachment Styles in depth, and do the work It's The Dance of Attachment in Relationships! In our return to podding for a new season, (sorry to disappear, reasons!!) we explore  the nuanced world of attachment style...

Study envy to find messages from our future selves We unpack the role of envy, not as a toxic emotion to be avoided or ashamed of, but a normal feeling that gives us clues to understanding our unmet desires, unfulfilled potential, and prompting necessary change. envy vs jealousy. Jealousy is possessiveness, envy is wanting what others have, or wanting to be them becoming less envious of others as...

Neurodivergence, New Years Resolutions, and Future Focus We welcome the New Year by evaluating the usefulness of New Years resolutions sharing the honest struggles we’ve had small triumphs Ali shares her journey to quit smoking and the strategies she employs. a positive version of sunk cost fallacy, where we are motivated to defend small gains and build on them https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_c...

Who's Your Guru? (and is Slavoj Žižek any good?) Sam, Joe and Ali discuss gurus, including the online type: our times are thick with public intellectuals, influencers, and self-proclaimed experts  Sam's frequent references to Slavoj Žižek , and Joe's conclusion that he doesn't make much sense, and isn't much chop intellectually.  Sam on literal guru worship in the Hare Krishnas - https://en.wikipe...

What Do We Want To Pass On To Our Children? Find out what controversial song was top of Ali's music wrap for the year. Oh, and we delve into parenting:  specifically, how should we influence our kids On the Road , Jack Kerouac; Homage to Catalonia , George Orwell; David Bowie all get a mention the influence we want to have, versus what really happens personal experiences, the influence of books an...

Possible triggers. A confronting episode but one we are proud of. Sam, Joe, and Ali explore the impacts, recovery and residues of mental breakdowns. The recent Robbie Williams documentary has kicked off many discussions about mental health Robbie's demeanour on screen reminded Ali of herself. He was had extraordinary energy before his collapse, as did Ali, with full time work, a small child, a bac...

We explore the experience of identifying as victim, through personal stories and theory, and of course the potential of spirituality and psychotherapy in helping move through, and renounce identities over time. We discuss the dangers of adhering to a single identity label, and the benefit of taking responsibility for our own actions and healing, while being aware that we are also inescapably inter...

Only posting about shit you have personal experience of?  Ali explains why white middle class people should maybe shut up.  Team discuss different social media platforms and shouting into the void Posting hot photos on Instagram as awareness raising?  The power of posting about stuff you have lived experience with.  Sam talks about the power of herd acceptance and how minds change more often than...

The team discuss a quote from Christian mystic Emmett Fox on grievances: “Going over old grievances mentally, thinking how badly someone acted at some time, for instance, and recalling the details, has the effect of revivifying that which was quietly expiring of neglect.” Joe quotes the cliché that “Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick” and links resen...

We discuss mental breakdowns: the need we all have occasionally, the experience of it, and the benefits! Joe, Sam and Ali have had at least one menty b each, as many people now call them. An almost loving and affectionate term, which suggests that this process is something we could maybe greet like a friend. However, it can be very frightening, and isolating, and difficult for others. We talk abou...

The team discuss the art of letting go of friends. Outgrowing friends or just growing in different directions? Joe says if you start judging friends it’s the beginning of the end. We get into painful friendship break ups. Platonic friendships – are men just biding their time? Sam recalls dating the hottest woman on Brunswick St, just to put it on the public record. Joe & Ali discuss their own...

Sam, Joe and Ali reflect on our experiences in therapy. Sometimes the results seem clear – other times they’re hard to see. All agree it’s important to compare your progress to your past self, not some idealised perfect self.  We discuss people who don’t think they need therapy. Ali mentions people who “prefer to work things out themselves”.  Sam discusses the frustration of the session ending aft...

We ask if we are willing to compromise to be in a long-term monogamous relationship? Sam discusses how to, whether we need to and to what extent we need to compromise. Ali shares how a lot of women have fallen in love with the idea of being single. We acknowledge all relationships require compromise however can we compromise our values? Can your values be flexible or do we become stuck in our ways...

This week we listened to a Mamamia podcast where Mia Freedman interviews Caitlin Moran on her latest book "What about men?" and discuss our thoughts. We acknowledge we are all victims of the patriarchy, but what tools do men have to help dismantle it? Why don't they identify with feminism and why are the gravitating towards extreme figures? Ali explains why feminism has been helpful in plight of w...

What are feelpinions? - Ali shares her definition and how she views it through a Dialectical Behavioural lens of logic and emotion. Sam elaborates why all extremes are mutually constitutive and why logic needs emotion and emotion needs logic, Joe however, wants more facts. We ask how do feelpinions affect our day to day? Are they needed to run the country or just good value in the cricket group ch...

"The meaning of life" Welcome back Joe and welcome to a new format. Here at the ten thousand things we have decided to tackle the ten thousand things that distract us from loving awareness one thing at a time, so we will now be devoting each episode to one topic where we can really delve into the questions we ask. This week we have TTTT listener Oly ask us what is the meaning of life? We explore w...

Something a little different from The Ten Thousand Things, Joe is taking a well deserved break in beautiful Vietnam so Sam and Ali take the opportunity to discuss all things Autism/ADHD through their lived experiences. 1 - How has neurodiversity contributed to our biggest successes and failures? Sam and Ali share how their neurodiversity impacts their day to day lives, are we doing the right thing...

Self actualisation / non monogamy / Communism 1 - Quotation corner "Ageing is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always thought you should be" David Bowie Ali explains why this quote resonated with her. Sam discusses why finding your medium for expression is so important and Joe shares how he's found contentment through podcasting. We discuss trying to find your cultural capi...

Our parent's values / Crying / Jaded dating profiles 1 - How did our parents values shape our own? Ali shares how she's not only grown into her parents' values. Sam explores the dichotomy of how his parents created a culture of questioning in a Hare Krishna environment and Joe shares how his parents politics influenced their values. We also ask whether boomers will ever be able to see how good the...

Leaning in, to content, confidence and courage. Do we read books anymore? / How do you rate yourself? / Is spirituality just watered down religion? 1 - Are you a book dragon or a book worm? We ask how in an ever increasing time poor society is there time to read and does it matter what medium and content you're reading? Sam shares why he believes physical books are not necessary and that reading a...

How the language of therapy took over dating / The little things that help / Death    1 - Are we able to diagnose our dates? Should we?    Ali discusses if therapists are having proxy relationships through us or is it better to just focus on clear communication instead? Joe finds "red flags" limiting and wants a more nuanced conversation. Sam shares how the mystery of long term relationships remai...

The benefits of large language models including Chat GPT / The benefits of neurodiversity / The benefits of working on yourself 1 - What are the benefits of emerging AI technologies? Will it advance us or be our undoing? Will Joe's doomsday predictions come to fruition or will it be a golden age for human creativity? Ali has mixed feelings, will we make not just our jobs but ourselves redundant? S...

Throwing soup at paintings / Cat dads vs dog dads / Gratitude - yeah or nah?    1 - We delve into the effectiveness of political protests. Is throwing soup at a painting going to fix the climate crisis? Are Gen Z’s really the “last generation”?     Joe shares some stories of his historical political activism and why he thinks his way was better. Ali shares some insights from a Gen Z and why they m...