The Slumflower Hour

Are you addicted to dating apps? Has your pursuit for love become so persistent that you are willing to just accept whoever comes into your life? Are you dampening your ambitions to satisfy the man you're dating? In this episode, The Slumflower muses on the mistakes we make when we sell ourselves short in the hopes of fast-tracking a romantic connection. We also discuss whether long-distance relat...

Is sex different with celebrity men vs regular men? Are the women who think they’re better than sex workers aware they’re casually giving men free access to the same sex other women benefit from? Do men deserve bareback privileges? In this episode, The Slumflower talks about holding out vs giving in, being more likely to slip into 'friends with benefits' scenarios because you are driven by your se...

Is the 'talking stage' even a real thing or is that man securing you as his placeholder? Do we need better boundaries with men who we are granting the chance to get to know us? Should we be making men work harder for our phone numbers? In this episode, join Chidera as she troubleshoots the 'talking stage' and debunks the common male hesitancy to be more affirmative and enthusiastic in their pursui...

Should we be more 'unrealistic' in our desires and demands of men? Are we benefiting from holding back on giving men a taste of their own medicine? Does our definition of 'savage' need to change? In this episode, Chidera discusses why it matters to match a man's arrogance, why you need to stop explaining yourself to men and why it's important to hold space for the things you don't find attractive...

Is it always a compliment when a man is obsessed with you? Should women be striving more for devotion in men they date? Does a man being obsessed with you mean he will meet your needs? In this episode, The Slumflower shares stories of men she's had to block due to obsession, along with a discussion on what makes obsession and devotion different - even though women seem to conflate the two concepts...

Are men right when they say women are 'too emotional'? Do we give our power away by crying in front of men about their actions? Should we be more strategic in how we present our sensitivity? In this episode, join The Slumflower as she covers the conundrum of feeling stupid after over-reacting, learning to communicate your feelings to men without gaslighting yourself/downplaying what you truly want...

If you are an older woman who is dating a significantly younger man, have you explored the possibility that he may have a mommy kink? Are you a light-skinned woman dating a dark-skinned Black man? Have you considered the possibility that he might be anti-Black if all his dating history is mixed race/white women? Or maybe you might be a fat woman on the dating scene - have you ever considered that...

Do you find yourself trying to be strong when ignoring men back, only to find yourself caving and giving into your urges to hear from him? Do you feel bad about mirroring a man's energy? Do you have a scarcity mindset with men and dating? In this episode, Chidera discusses the importance of having an emotional anchor to refer to when you start to ‘forget’ why you’re upset with that man, learning h...

Is it really a good thing when a guy comes back? Are you his emotional crutch? Did someone else reject him and as a result, he’s come to seek comfort in you? In this episode, Chidera discusses why you probably should keep him on ice and stand your ground, why you need to start demanding reparations from repeat apologists, believing more in your sauce as the woman he's suddenly returned to, and mak...

Ever been with a Gemini man and wondered why he's like 'that'? Or have you dated a Scorpio man and haven't been able to understand why they do that obsessed-nonchalant thing? Maybe you've been with a Virgo man and you ended up leaving the relationship with insecurities you never even had to begin with... either way, you'll really enjoy this episode. From Aries through to Pisces, Chidera drags all...

Do you find yourself feeling like that man is trying to compete with you? Is his desire to be right more important than his desire to treat you right? Do you feel like you need to minimise your accomplishments and wins in front of him, as a means of avoiding making him feel small? If you answered 'yes' to at least one of these, this episode is especially for you! During this thought stream, Chider...

Is making the first move with a man desperate...or decisive? Are there exceptions where making the first move might be a good idea? Is the feminist idea of equality through moving to men, serving us or sabotaging us? In this episode, The Slumflower visits moments where she's made the first move - including times when it has and hasn't worked! She also discusses non-desperate ways to make the first...

Are you 'manifesting' the man of your dreams or are you too hyper-fixated on the prospect of a man loving you? Are you really returning to church to seek closeness with the Lord or are you looking for a man? Have you found yourself so deep in the rabbit hole of obsession, that you're paying tarot readers and astrologers to confirm your bias that he likes you back? In this episode, Chidera talks ab...

Are you prioritising values in dating that aren't productive to you? Are you attracting low effort men who are drawn to your low self esteem? Is your fixation on morality keeping you stuck within the realm of dating men who are dull and unimpressive? In this episode, The Slumflower discusses donating pussy to needy men out of fear to be seen as a bad person, separating yourself from maliciously im...

Why is the word 'friendzone' such a loaded term? How did we arrive at a place where men have successfully managed to push the 'friends with benefits' propaganda whilst they largely remain the only people who actually benefit from this mutual agreement? Are we deluding ourselves by letting the homies hit, in the hopes that they will treat us better than men we barely know? In this episode, Chidera...

Are men oppressed by misandry? Why do we feel bad about asking our oppressors for stuff? Has feminism worked for us in dating? Can reparative justice and wholesome revenge serve as liberationist praxis? In this episode, join The Slumflower as she touches on the idea of learning to be stern even when we are scared to upset men, exploring the possibilities of how much better things could be for us i...

Why do we make exceptions and excuses for men yet, we penalise our female friends for similar offences? What happens when we enmesh our personalities with the men we are dating and in effect, we neglect our friendships with the women in our lives? Why do we leap at the idea of moving countries to strengthen a long-distance relationship with a man yet, we feel fear to take a risk of that size for o...

Are you really following your gut...or are you being led by your impulses? Does your pursuit of love compel you to operate from a place of FOMO and as a result, you keep finding yourself in situations you have to emotionally recover from? Is your romantic search for dopamine leading you to disappointment? In this short and sweet episode of The Slumflower Hour, Chidera discusses her relationship wi...

Does being a people pleaser put you in a position where you're more likely to encounter financially and emotionally manipulative men? Are we conflating kindness with codependency? What do we gain from putting men's sexual needs above our own? Why are people accepting 'nap/shower dates' from men? In this episode, Chidera visits her past as a former 'pick me' (aka desperate dater), the pitfalls of f...

Have you ever considered that your desperation might be repelling the men who are actually meant for you? With the rise of 'femininity coaching', are men even worth the fixation we place on being 'feminine' for them? Are femininity coaches desperate? Is Lori Harvey being 'passed around' by men, or is she onto something we haven't clocked yet? In this rather hilarious episode, Chidera discusses her...

Why do we even seek closure after a relationship has ended? Is it to find peace in a resolved answer? Are we secretly looking for one last opportunity to re-connect? Does ending a relationship on friendly/open-ended terms give us closure? In this week's episode, The Slumflower discusses why the pursuit of closure could be linked to the desire to feel a sense of control - and why this usually comes...

Do his compliments feel forced? Do you find yourself clinging onto minor moments and over-analyzed texts, to justify to yourself that he 'does' like you? Is he in competition with you? If you resonated with any of these questions, it might be time to leave that man. For some of us, walking away feels too scary to fathom, but the best way to start is to compile a list of pros and cons, starting wit...

Is that man gassing you up to disarm you, only to slowly start pulling away and giving you less? In this episode, The Slumflower discusses why you might need to pause on dating men if you're a pushover, and whether looks are a good enough reason to give a guy a chance to date you. Are visually-appealing relationships becoming the new content farms for influencers who have something to prove? Is po...

Trying to figure out if the guy you're currently seeing is just for a season? In this episode, Chidera dissertates on the difference between a 'Mr Right' and a 'Mr Right Now'.  Does it feel like you conveniently have a lot in common with your guy but for some reason, something still feels off? Or is there a compatibility even though you both maintain your unique individualism? Do you feel conditio...

In this hilarious episode, join Chidera as she ponders on encountering patriarchy when dating: are men ever worth neglecting your non-negotiables for? Do you even have non-negotiables for men you prefer to date and if not, why are you scared? Why are there men who love women that know what they like, until what that woman likes is money, or something else he cannot falsely present? What happens if...