The Skillful Podcast

In this episode of The Skillful Podcast, we answer two listener questions. The first question is from a listener who wants advice about balancing conflicting values to build a life worth living. The second question is about how to maintain your DBT skills practice once treatment has ended. Marielle and Ed discuss the issues these questions bring up and offer creative ways to think about the dilemm...

As we pass the year mark of pandemic life, many of us are exhausted and eager to get back to how things used to be. While there are positive developments with vaccination rates rising and case counts lowering in some parts of the world, the finish line is still far away. We need emotional stamina to stay the course and tolerate the limits on daily life that the pandemic imposes. In this episode, M...

As we close out the year, new skills may be needed to help you get through a holiday season that's unlike any other. Marielle and Ed discuss skills to help you cope and cultivate moments of joy. Isolation, a constant for many people these days, might be intensified during the holidays. Not being able to be around friends and family for the holidays is painful but for others, it may feel like a rel...

Today's episode explores ten common interpersonal myths. These myths can prevent us from being as effective in relationships as we like. Some of these myths are about how we "should" be or how others "should" be. Some of these myths are about conflict, or about whether it's ok to assert our need or say no. Often we learn these myths from our families when we are young, and it's helpful to recogniz...

This is a special episode geared towards our listeners in the United States. We have a big election approaching and if you struggle with your emotions, you may be more impacted by the uncertainty, polarization, and chaos in our country.  Compounding the political uncertainty are environmental threats like wildfires and hurricanes. On top of all this, we are still in a pandemic! No wonder Wise Mind...

Do you find it hard to take care of yourself? The DBT skill of self-soothing is designed to help you tolerate distress, but it's also helpful for regular self-care. This episode explores what exactly self-soothing is, when and how to use it, and common barriers to implementing it.   Many of us are going through a time of tremendous uncertainty and multiple losses in the face of a global pandemic....

Today, Marielle and Ed unpack what happens in the body and mind when an emotion occurs. There's actually a lot going on!  If you are sensitive to or are confused by your emotions, it can be helpful to have an understanding of the different components that make up an emotional experience.   DBT's Model for Describing Emotions breaks down emotions into ten parts: the prompting event, awareness, inte...

Today Marielle and Ed offer ways to use DBT skills to support emotional equilibrium during a time where systemic anti-black racism is being confronted and discussed in new and necessary ways.   This episode is not about how to be anti-racist. That's beyond what we can provide. The resources below serve as a starting point to learn more. Rather, this episode focuses on skills to help you find your...

Today Marielle and Ed answer listener questions.  The first question is from a listener in Sweden about how to cope with anger at others for not taking the COVID-19 pandemic seriously.  Question two is about how to use DEAR MAN to say no. The final question in this episode is about how to figure out when it's time to leave a situation.  To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go...

Today's show revisits Radical Acceptance in the face of a global pandemic. Marielle and Ed discuss how they are using this skill (or not using it!) during this time. Ed is using Radical Acceptance a lot lately, as he feels like it is often the only thing to do in this situation. Marielle shares her resistance to using Radical Acceptance during this time, and the ways she works with fear of strong...

Today, Marielle and Ed discuss skills to help you communicate with other people during a global pandemic where we are all facing new interpersonal challenges. We are connecting - or not connecting - with each other in very different ways now which can strain relationships. People living alone may feel isolated. People living with others may long for time alone. The demands of partners, children, a...

Today, Marielle and Ed continue to discuss DBT skills to cope during a pandemic. We are all going through a collective trauma and need extra support. The DBT skill called Check The Facts is explored. We also explore the difficulty in using this skill during a time when things are rapidly changing and uncertain. Using Check the Facts coupled with Mindfulness may be helpful to remind yourself that t...

In today's episode, Marielle and Ed explore skills to help you cope with your emotions as we collectively face a pandemic. Many of you may be feeling intense distress on a regular basis during these uncertain times. DBT offers lots of skills to help manage strong, painful emotions like fear and panic. Different ways of thinking about your distress levels are discussed, including the Subjective Uni...

Today's show covers the DBT skill called Pros and Cons. While most of us have already done informal pro and con lists in our heads when facing a tough decision, the DBT take on Pros and Cons is a little different.  Pros and Cons is great to use in anticipation of problem behaviors like avoiding, lashing out, shutting down, self-harm, or any kind of addictive behavior. Just make sure that you're in...

In today's episode, Marielle and Ed discuss the emotion regulation skills of Build Mastery and Cope Ahead. These are future-oriented skills that involve some planning to carry out. Build Mastery is a way to strengthen your sense of competence by doing small, regular things that are challenging. Over time, this skill will help you stretch yourself and believe in your capability to accomplish hard t...

Today I'm talking with Dr. Kelsey Harper, a clinical psychologist and DBT therapist who works with trauma, PTSD, and chronic emotion dysregulation.  With over a decade of work spanning varying settings and clientele, Kelsey has established a private practice in Santa Monica and observed time and again, that many clients reported extensive histories of trauma leading them to seek therapy and healin...

In today's episode, we discuss your relationship with yourself, focusing on the skill of Loving-Kindness. When you are having a hard time, are you kind or harsh with yourself?  Do you berate yourself for real or perceived mistakes?   Do you try to motivate yourself with criticism?  These tactics tend to not work in the long-run and erode your sense of self.  What if you had permission to be gentle...

Instead of making New Year's resolutions this year, think about using the momentum of the new year to make changes in your life that are aligned with your values.  Often New Year's resolutions come from a place of shame or deficiency, a place of trying to fix what's "wrong" with you. What if you made changes in your life based on what's most important to you rather than "fixing" what's wrong? This...

The holidays are a time where there is often a lot of pressure to have a certain kind of experience - one that is about family, friends, joy, and celebration. For many folks, this is more of a fantasy than a reality.  If you are fortunate enough to enjoy time with family and friends during the holidays, the expectation of constant togetherness and merry-making can be a set up for disappointment. T...

Do you have a hard time doing nice things for yourself? The DBT skill called Accumulating Positive Events in the Short-Term is all about doing small, regular self-care. Putting effort into building positive emotions on a regular basis helps build emotional resilience so you won't get as thrown when hard things happen. Many folks believe that they have to "earn" doing something nice for themselves...

Sometimes it's better to not act on our emotions. The DBT skill Opposite Action helps you act opposite to what your emotion is telling you to do.  Use this skill when your emotion doesn't fit the facts or when your emotion does fit the facts but acting on the emotion isn't effective. This skill can help you act the way you want to feel instead of the way you do feel. Make sure you use this skill t...

In Episode 15 of The Skillful Podcast, Marielle and Ed discuss checking the facts. When you have a painful emotion that you want to change, using the DBT skill called Check the Facts can be very helpful. Sometimes strong, painful emotions aren't a reaction to what has actually happened but are based on beliefs, interpretations, and assumptions about what has happened. Use this skill to help you ch...

Many sensitive people have wished at times that they could just get rid of their emotions. They may try to dampen, suppress, or deny emotions. Although these efforts may work partially, at least in the short-term, they never really work in the long term. Plus, often the things sensitive people may turn to in order to lessen the sting of painful emotions, such as addictive or impulsive behaviors, c...

Today Marielle and Ed discuss the 10 most common myths about emotions. These myths can come from the culture around us and from the families we were raised in. Asking yourself where you learned some of these myths may be helpful in debunking them. Some myths have to do with a fear of being out of control with emotions and other myths are more about equating emotions with the truth of who you are....

Marielle and Ed continue their conversation about Distress Tolerance focusing on Distraction and Self-Soothing. While these skills won't solve any problems, they can be super helpful when you are caught up in painful emotions.   Distraction in DBT is broken down into separate skills that go by the acronym ACCEPTS (as in Wise Mind ACCEPTS). Show Highlights: Choosing distraction is very different th...