The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John Payne

In this episode, Kim John Payne reflects on something elusive but essential: the space between parent and child. He describes this space as being alive, not a void to be filled with words or busyness, but a conduit through which care, love, and presence flow. When we're in sync with a child, there's a current moving between us, sometimes calm and easy, sometimes turbulent, but always communicating...

In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses the daily challenge of getting children to do difficult but regular tasks like music practice and homework. He introduces the "grit sandwich" principle: soft on both ends with firmness in the middle. The approach begins with connection before direction, moving close to a child's world for a few minutes through quiet play, watching their project, or simply...

In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses a common point of derailment in family life: when a child's impulses and desires collide with the needs of the larger family. He explains that children, especially young ones, lack the prefrontal lobe brain development to naturally see the bigger picture. They cannot easily grasp that a sibling needs to get to soccer practice, a parent has emails to answer...

In this episode, Kim John Payne offers a quick overview of the Soul of Discipline framework and then focuses on a common confusion in the early years: the difference between being a governor and being an advisor. He explains that during the first seven to nine years, parents serve as the governor of the family state, establishing values, rhythms, and how things are done. Later comes the gardener p...

In this episode, Kim John Payne welcomes longtime colleague and Simplicity Parenting coach Laura Carlin for the first of a four-part conversation on decluttering. Laura introduces what she calls "the decluttering secret": that how we go about decluttering (our energy, intentions, and self-talk) can be as important as what we choose to keep or let go of. She emphasizes that outer decluttering must...

In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses how constant news exposure erodes our ability to be present with our children. He explains that modern news cycles, with autoplay, doom scrolling, and half-hourly updates, repeatedly trigger the amygdala even when we're hearing the same story again. Each repetition builds a micro emotional trauma and baseline anxiety that children absorb through a kind of...

In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how families can navigate changes in rhythms while still preserving the security that predictability provides. He explains that when a regular caregiver is unavailable for bath time or bedtime, previewing the change earlier in the day helps a child take it in and prepare. By letting a child know at breakfast or lunch what will be different that evening, par...

In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how small, repeated household rituals build both motor skills and a sense of competency in children. He explains that micro rhythms (the little "hows" of daily life like setting the table, clearing dishes, or preparing for bath time) create more than just predictability and safety. When children perform these tasks in the same way over and over, they develo...

In this monthly episode of Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne explores the difference between asking children to say sorry and helping them genuinely make things right. While acknowledging that saying sorry has value, Kim cautions against forcing apologies, which often leads to defensiveness, shame, or empty words. Instead, he invites parents to look beneath the apology and focus on what truly m...

In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how parents can set clear, loving boundaries in ways that truly reach their children. He explains that when we slow our speech and lower our tone, children are better able to process what we say and feel our calm authority. Speaking slowly helps a message land without repetition, and a lower, grounded voice communicates steadiness and care rather than frust...

In this final part of the five-part Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens series, Kim John Payne concludes “Annika’s Story,” the true account of a middle school girl learning to reclaim her sense of self after a painful fall from popularity. Following the cheating incident and the loss of her so-called friends, Annika faces deep loneliness and the sting of exclusion. Yet in the quiet of that isol...

In this fourth part of the five-part Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens series, Kim John Payne continues reading from “Annika’s Story,” following the seventh grader as she becomes more deeply entangled in her desire to fit in with the popular group. When Annika’s mother unexpectedly sees her dressed in a way that reflects the influence of her new friends, Annika experiences a moment of painful...

In this third part of the five-part series on Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, Kim John Payne reads aloud “Annika’s Story” from the book he co-authored with Luis Fernando Llosa. The story follows Annika, a seventh grader who moves to a new school and struggles with the temptation to change herself to fit in with a popular group. At first she is thrilled to be included, but little by little...

In this second part of the five-part series on Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, Kim John Payne continues exploring how parents can guide children through difficult social experiences. Drawing from Chapter Four of the book, he focuses on helping children understand their emotional reactivity when they are teased or excluded. Through the story of a boy named Tony, Kim illustrates how teasing...

This episode is the first in a five-part series drawn from Kim John Payne’s book Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, co-authored with Luis Fernando Llosa. As part of the lead-up to his upcoming Emotionally Resilient Tweens & Teens Care Professionals Seminar, Kim begins by exploring how parents can respond when their child is socially struggling, feeling excluded, teased, or left out. He re...

In the final part of their conversation, Kim and Dr. Freed shift from exposing the harms of persuasive technology to offering practical solutions. Kim introduces the idea of “four connections” as a foundation for a healthy childhood: connection to nature, to friends through real play, to family, and to one’s inner self. Dr. Freed emphasizes the importance of building community among parents and re...

In the second installment of their conversation, Kim and Dr. Freed take a deeper look at how powerful interests influence public understanding of screens, particularly through organizations that claim to promote children's health. Dr. Freed describes what he calls the “Silicon Valley exception,” where major health bodies are either aligned with or funded by the tech industry, much like tobacco-fun...

In this first part of a three-part fire side style chat, Kim John Payne speaks with leading psychologist Dr. Richard Freed about the growing influence of persuasive design in modern digital technology. Dr. Freed shares how screen-based platforms, especially social media and video games, are intentionally engineered to hijack attention and foster dependency, using principles drawn directly from beh...

In this episode, Kim highlights the importance of previewing and “getting out ahead” of difficult moments before they escalate. Whether it’s a grumpy morning with a young child or a teenager returning home with restraint collapse, acknowledging the emotional state early can shift the tone of the day. Rather than ignoring frustration or trying to immediately fix it, Kim encourages parents to calmly...

Kim addresses the common parenting dilemma of whether to correct a child’s behavior or let it go. He gently challenges the popular idea of “choosing your battles,” suggesting that framing these moments as battles may not serve the relationship. Instead, he invites parents to see each behavior—no matter how small—as a moment to define family values and build connection. The key, he says, is not whe...

In the final part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne explores the idea that when children are angry, they are also deeply vulnerable. He reminds us that difficult behaviors often surface when children are overwhelmed, and in those moments, they are not only reactive but also scanning closely for how we respond. Kim uses the image of a “direct conduit” opening up...

In this fourth part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne reviews how screens can disrupt not only a child’s emotional balance but also a parent’s ability to stay centered. He explains how modern screen content is designed to deliver high levels of dopamine, adrenaline, and cortisol, making it both addictive and delivering big hits of easily gained reward and pleasu...

In the third episode of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne offers a practical, compassionate invitation to slow down. He introduces the metaphor of a tap overflowing, a symbol for the mounting pressures and over-commitments many families face. Instead of constantly mopping up emotional “spillage,” Kim encourages parents to reflect on what’s truly essential and gentl...

In the second of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne explores one of the deepest challenges for parents: the feeling of being unseen, undervalued, or taken for granted. These emotional triggers can quietly build up, leading to reactive moments that feel disproportionate but are actually the result of accumulated strain. Kim gently encourages parents to take stock of...

In the first of a five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne reflects on the quiet power of micro self-care - small, intentional moments that help parents replenish their emotional reserves. He shares how the early demands of parenting often push self-care to the margins, yet carving out even brief pauses to do something nourishing can build a foundation for greater resilience....