The Selfish Woman

What if the same conditioning that teaches women to abandon themselves in life is also showing up in the bedroom?  In this fascinating and often hilarious conversation, Valerie sits down with intimacy expert Susan Bratton to explore what happens when women reclaim their desire, their pleasure, and their right to experience the full spectrum of who they are.  Together, they unpack the impact of cul...

Nobody teaches women how to leave.  You get handed a lawyer's number, a horror story from a friend, and the quiet impication that if your marriage ended...somethig must have gone wrong.  But what if divorce didn't have to become a bloodbath to be real?  In this episode, Valerie sits down with Kate Daly, co-founder of Amicable, to talk about the divorce conversation almost nobody is having:  How to...

The Confession Booth is open!  I'm calling BS on the 'reinvention trend'....one that I was fully participating in for the last few years.  Nobody reinvents themselves on purpose. Not the way the industry sells it. Real change doesn't start with a plan, it starts with one thought that won't let you go:  I want something different.  In this episode, I'm dismantling the whole reinvention myth, and re...

We've all been there: a plan falls apart, a deadline shifts, or a minor inconvenience feels like the end of the world. Or, we spend way too much of our time and energy worrying about 'what if.' We usually blame the situation for how we feel, but today's guest says the 'problem' isn't what's happening - it's how we're wired to react to it.  I'm joined by Dr. Rachel Goldman, a clinical psychologist,...

I left Spain to figure out what was wrong with me.  I had the dream life. The cobblestone streets. The European light. The copper bathtub imported from England that cost eleven thousand euros.  And I was miserable in ways I didn't have words for yet.  So I left. Convinced I was the problem.  I was wrong.  In this episode I'm recording from Harrison Hot Springs - sitting in a mineral pool, in the m...

What if your life isn't random?  In this episode, I sit down with numerologist Ann Perry to break down what your numbers reveal about you, and how they shape your relationships, your patterns, and the way you move through the world.  We also dive into:  What if your soul chose this life?  What if the challenges you've faced weren't random...but selected?  And how do you hold that idea without dism...

Why do you keep overthinking decisions when you already know what to do?  In this episode I break down why overthinking isn't a clarity problem, it's a self-trust problem - and what you're actually avoiding.  What you'll learn:  Why you say "I don't know" (and what it really means)  The hidden reason you stay stuck in indecision  How overthinking protects you from uncomfortable truth  The identity...

Darshana Avila left her corporate career and her marriage, and stepped into a life of erotic wholeness.  Now she's a Certified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner & Sexological Bodyworker featured on Netflix's Sex, Love & goop with Gwyneth Paltrow - and she's here to talk about what most of us are too afraid to ask for.  In this episode, we talk about:  Knowing what you want (in sex and in life) and...

In this episode I reveal the next level of your journey - from midlife reinvention to full-blown feminine sovereignty. If you're a woman ready to rise into your power, lead with vision, and claim a life that reflects your true worth, this is for you.  I unpack the Queen Code (my brand new methodology), share the mythic framework behind the Sovereign Woman, and invite you inside the symbolic castle...

You've been swallowing your truth, avoiding conflict, and hoping things will change if you're just patient enough.  But your silence isn't safety....it's a slow death.  This week, I'm talking with Colette Jane Fehr, author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love, about why we stay silent, and what it costs us.  In this episode:  Why it's so hard to...

Welcome to Season Five - and to 2026!  In this powerful kickoff episode, Valerie pulls back the curtain on what it really means to be selfish in a world that has taught women to disappear. This isn't just a refresher course. It's a full-on reintroduction to the philosophy, fire, and unapologetic truth at the core of The Selfish Woman movement.  You'll hear:  Why 'selfish' is still the most radical...

Most people choose a word for the year based on what they want to achieve, acquire, or accomplish. But that's not how transformation works.  In this episode, I'm sharing why your word of the year should be about who you're becoming, not what you want to get. It's a practice in identity, not goals. A call toward the woman you're evolving into. not a to-do list disguised as intention-setting.  I'll...

2025 is the Year of the Snake. 2026? The Year of the Fire Horse.  If you're familiar about Chinese zodiac symbolism, you know what that means: the Snake sheds what no longer fits. The Fire Horse charges forward with unstoppable momentum.  But here's the thing: you can't ride the Fire Horse into 2026 while still carrying 2025's dead weight.  This episode is about what needs to be shed now, before t...

This is a personal episode for me, one that I feel led to share with you, because I know it's going to resonate.  There's a moment in every woman's life when she look at what she's been worshipping - success, motherhood, marriage, being 'nice' - and realizes none of it was built for her freedom. That's the holy sh*t moment. The one where you finally stop trying to earn gold stars for suffering and...

In this episode I'm joined by Erin Gallagher, author of Hype Women: Breaking Free From Mean Girls, Patriarchy and Systems Silencing You.  Buckle up for a fiery conversation about what it really means to trust yourself after a lifetime of being told you're wrong. We talk about the incredible origin story of her book, and why she's not here to hype all women - especially not the ones still acting as...

What happens when strategic intelligence meets spiritual intuition?  In this electric conversation, I sit down with keynote speaker and author, Karen Romine, to explore the intersection of artificial intelligence and the unseen realms.  We talk about how AI is transforming the way we make decisions and scale our lives - and how inner knowing is the missing data point most women ignore.  Karen shar...

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on what it really costs to be selfish. Not cute-selfish. Not #selfcare selfish. I'm talking about the kind of selfish that turns your whole life inside out. The kind that sets you free.  This is about the power you say you want...and the uncomfortable truth of what it takes to actually get it.  And I ask the question that could change everything:  Are...

What if the way you've been taught to mother - your children, your dreams, yourself - was never yours to begin with?  In this potent conversation, I sit down with Dr. Gertrude Lyons, author of Rewrite the Mother Code: From Sacrifice to Stardust, to unravel the outdated scripts women are handed about what it means to mother, and how to rewrite them from the inside out.  We talk about:  The hidden '...

Every woman has her Everest - the dream that feels impossible until suddenly, it isn't.  I had my Everest moment and I'm sharing what it was, how I got there, and how you can do it too. And how there's always another mountain to climb, if you want it.  I also talk about the most personal piece of my journey yet: why I wrote The Selfish Year , who I wrote it for, and why it matters right now.  This...

You weren't born nice. You were trained.  By mothers who were trained.  By systems that still benefit from your silence.  In this episode, you'll hear a casual girlfriend chat with Lesa Koski where we unearth the origins of our people-pleasing, the masks we wear to feel safe, and the slow-burning bravery it takes to start telling the truth.  Lesa and I unmask our Good Girls, and give you practical...

Think you've outgrown your good girl programming? Think again. These 10 subtle habits might be sabotaging your power - and keeping you small without even realizing it.  You might not be saying 'yes' when you mean 'no' anymore - but the good girl still has her sticky little fingers in you. In this packed episode, I'm revealing 10 sneaky ways the good girl still shows up in your everyday life, and w...

Too many women think that taking the high road makes them strong, wise, or 'the bigger person.' But what if that road is actually keeping you stuck in self-abandonment, silence, and disappointment?  In this episode, I break down why the high road can be a trap, what to do instead, and how decentering men frees you to finally choose yourself.  Get my FREE Guide to Decentring Men and Taking Your Thr...

This is the one I've been waiting to record.  In this final episode before The Selfish Year enters the world, I'm sharing the five lessons that truly saved me when I started over - from divorce, from the pain, from the life that looked good but felt empty.  These aren't tips. They're confessions. I wrote this book in blood, and I'm telling you the truth behind every chapter.  If you've ever felt s...

In this week's episode, I'm joined by Martine Cohen - author, speaker, and transformative coach - who brings a powerful blend of intellect and intuition to the conversation around healing, identity, and reclaiming your power from the inside out.  After a traumatic car accident and concussion changed the trajectory of her life, Martine began a deep journey into her own psyche, peeling back the subc...

Sometimes, the truth doesn't arrive with fireworks. It shows up quietly...in the middle of the night...on your sofa.  In this episode, I read an excerpt from my new book, The Selfish Year - the moment I realized I couldn't stay in my marriage one second longer. The pain of staying had finally outweighed the fear of leaving.  We all have a 'sofa moment' - that still, undeniable instant when the lif...