The Save The Marriage Podcast

Resetting in 2026 New year. Same marriage problems? Here's the thing: most people approach a new year with good intentions but no actual reset. They keep doing the same things, waiting for different results. And when it comes to saving your marriage, that's a recipe for staying stuck. In this week's podcast, I walk you through five critical resets you need to make in 2026. Not resolutions. Resets....

You started working on saving your marriage.  Good for you! And then, you hit a bump.  You get knocked down.  Maybe you discovered an affair, physical or emotional.  Maybe your spouse is irritable and upset.  Maybe it is anger and resentment, yours or your spouse’s. And it knocks you down. Enough that you think it is over.  That you are at the end. But are you?  Or do you need to get back up? In m...

Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year?  I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year.  And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… like A Christmas Carol.  This year, I offer you a redux of a prior podcast episode… about the Ghosts of Your Relationship Past.  Yep.  Christmas, with new opportunities.  Here it is: Christmas Eve.  Chri...

You want to save a marriage... but you may not be sure what to do.  And I guess it is also a question of what not to do. BOTH what TO do and what NOT TO do, are important.  So, let's cover it!  In this episode, I cover 5 more to-do's and to-don'ts.  In an earlier episode, I covered 5 more of each. Why is this important? Because most people have the hardest time getting started (and continuing) whe...

“Quiet Divorce.”  It seems to be the topic of article after article.  And the articles make it seem like, “No big deal, just happens, oh well.” But it IS a big deal.  And it ISN’T anything new.  Just another way of describing something we have discussed here often… the dangers of disconnection. I talked about this some time ago, when everyone was talking about Quiet Quitting during the pandemic —...

It happens.  In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity.  A spouse negative about the marriage.  Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your marriage.  You negative, well, about everything you are doing (it is easy to slip into self-blame and self-doubt). Negativity comes from several sources:  fear, protectiveness, anger, resentment, lack of...

When did it happen?  When did your marriage’s trajectory head in the wrong direction? Probably long before you thought, long before you could see it.  Almost always, it is a conscious and unconscious collusion between the spouses.  And it makes sense.  Life… you have to get back to it! After all, you are now married, and your marriage is set up to successfully face life… or is it? At some point, a...

You want to save a marriage... but you may not be sure what to do.  And I guess it is also a question of what not to do. BOTH what TO do and what NOT TO do, are important.  So, let's cover it!  In this episode, I cover 5 to-do's and to-don'ts.  And in the next episode, I'll cover 5 more of each. Why is this important? Because most people have the hardest time getting started (and continuing) when...

What gets in the way of you getting traction in your efforts to save your marriage? These days, there is one very substantial reason... one thing that keeps you (and many others) from making progress.  And it is only accelerating.  What is it? Distraction. Yep, it absolutely gets in your way, pulling you away from what is most important.  Pulling you away from priorities and opportunities. What is...

Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?"  Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?"  Are emotions lost and connections missing?  Do you and your spouse respond to each other with "zombie grunts?" The infection can be stopped.  You can fight the infection and heal the relationship. Don't allow the big 4 symptoms of a zombie infection to overtake your relationship's immune syst...

A listener had a question... and it isn't the first time I've heard it.  How DO you save your marriage when you feel hate for your spouse?  That does seem impossible to get beyond, doesn't it? I have some news for you:  many people (if not MOST) who are working on saving their marriage are NOT having warm and fuzzy feelings for their spouse. In fact, they are likely to be just as hurt, just as fru...

Are you an AI user?  Do you find yourself chatting with AI about things in your life? How about regarding your marriage?? If you are using AI as a resource to save your marriage, I have one suggestion:  STOP! Over the past few years (as AI chats have become more popular), I have heard from more and more people about how AI marked the end of their marriage.  Some reported a spouse becoming enamored...

Do you ever start on some new habit you heard about, maybe about the best diet or exercise, only to find that it isn’t true later on?  And have you ever discovered it was actually even worse for you? (Just think about margarine or “low fat” diets, or even diet drinks!) You think you are doing the right thing, and it turns out the “right thing” is actually the wrong thing.  And you are even worse o...

Question:  does an affair cause marital problems or do marital problems cause affairs? Answer:  YES. Longer answer:  for the majority of affairs, weak points in the marriage create a vulnerability to infidelity.  There is another necessary element... but problems do cause vulnerability.  But when infidelity is committed, the problem deepens.  Affairs end up creating both a personal and a marital c...

Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, "why am I even arguing over this?  It doesn't matter"? I ask, because I have had that experience MANY times in my life, both with my wife and with others. It is tragic that those arguments erupt in all our lives.  They are not the big things, but the small things.  And tha...

What do you do when your spouse has shifted back toward you… some… but is still distant?  More distant than you would like? Do you have to just accept it, accept the lack of intimacy and connection? Is that the relationship you are stuck with?  Some connection.  Still married.  But not the warmth, love, and connection you do want? That is the question posed to me.  Mary reports that her husband re...

I often watch people move toward one of two possibilities when a marriage is in trouble:  Getting Better or Getting Bitter.  One letter difference, but what a difference in destination. One leads a couple to a rewarding and loving relationship, improving and stabilizing:  Better. The other leads to more anger, more resentment, more distance, and further deterioration:  Bitter. Here is the irony:  ...

I know. You want to convince your spouse to see things your way.  So, you set out to "get" your spouse to agree with you. ...And you have now begun walking down a very dangerous path. (I bet you didn't think so, did you?) Almost always, trying to get your spouse to agree will backfire -- and even make things worse.  Sometimes, much worse. Can I share with you why this can be so dangerous and how t...

Connection is the lifeblood of marriage.  In fact, we are wired for deep connection.  And while the connection works best within the marriage relationship, it is not singular. Many couples find connection in only one or two areas, missing that second or third layer of connecting.  Often, over time, this begins to eat away at the connection a couple shares. Disconnection tends to breed disconnectio...

“How hard is it to save my marriage?” the email started.  The writer wanted my opinion on whether my System would work. There was a problem, though.  The problem was… I had no details about her marital problems.  I didn’t know what she was facing. When I was a kid, the rubik’s cube came out.  There was this book that promised to solve the cube, no matter how bad the cube was arranged.  I just kept...

Can you save your marriage?? That is, to be honest, probably the biggest "speed bump" for someone who wants to save their marriage. They wonder if it is even possible to save their marriage.  And that fact keeps them from taking action. Or to be more direct, may be what is keeping you from taking action. Many people have said that if I could guarantee that they could save their marriage, they woul...

Your spouse thinks it’s hopeless.  You may even be wondering that, too.  But is it?  Is it hopeless? Or is the problem that your spouse is hopeless — not the situation? Let’s be honest:  if you give up hope, it may become a hopeless situation. Sometimes, having hope is not based on seeing the way.  We find the way because we hold onto hope. In one of my books, Beyond the 3 Barriers, I note that on...

Are your efforts to save your marriage getting stalled?  Maybe we should take a look at your plan. You do have a plan, don't you? Let's talk about 5 reasons your plan (or lack of plan) may be the trouble -- and what we can do to make a switch. To be crystal clear, all 5 reasons are in your control.  YOU can choose how you move forward in each of these issues.  You may not have control over your sp...

Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual.  As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled under by the crisis. Have you ever tried to save a drowning person? This can be kind of like that.  Get too close, and they will drag you under with them.  Their desperation will overcome any sensible decision.  Running purely on terror, they will fl...

What makes a marriage work? What makes a marriage GREAT? Maybe you are trying to save your marriage, and aren't sure if that even matters.  Maybe you are trying to aim your marriage in a better direction, and aren't sure what that even looks like.  Or maybe you are considering getting married, but aren't sure if you have what it takes. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I'll give yo...