The Rules

Writer and Youtuber Mark Cooper-Jones ( Map Men ) encourages Simon to figure out rules that make it easier for him to talk with strangers and get rid of everybody's pets. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, producer, author and stand-up Ashley Blaker (BBC Radio 4's Hyperfixations ) begs Simon to make people stop starting conversations about his tattoos and start stopping at zebra crossings. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tom Crowley, the writer, actor, comedian and creator of Crowley Time, with me Tom Crowley , persuades Simon to help eradicate meat walls on train platforms with hopscotch and dedicated perv-carriages. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian, actor and presenter Abi Clarke guides Simon towards dramatically restricting small talk and dramatically expanding self-service checkouts and car horns. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and actor Lenny Sherman goes into business with Simon to stop people over-sharing their phone conversations and over-feeding their neighbours' cats. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Internationally renowned stand-up and podcaster John Hastings encourages Simon to adopt a more North-American attitude to bad drivers and morons by throwing small rocks and bags of ****. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian, writer, actor and presenter Kyrah Gray implores Simon to fill the streets with gravel to make tackling rude people more effective and remake disappointing TV show finales to stop the creation of new traffic wardens. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Celebrated stand-up Neil O'Rourke helps Simon control K-munters and seat encroachers by filtering gilets and putting Michael Palin in a box. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian, writer and co-host of Oh What A Time Tom Craine helps Simon improve everyone's mood with showers and 90s-themed sleepovers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Actor, comedian and producer Jacob Edwards joins Simon to tackle dodgy deliveries and malfunctioning machinery by holding fat cats to account. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Award-winning comedian, writer and storyteller Marjolein Robertson helps Simon attempt to spark conversations on the tube and find a way to stop people dropping litter for good. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up, writer and Edinburgh Comedy Awards Best Newcomer winner Toussaint Douglass insists Simon induct rules to improve self-checkouts and ensure that everyone waves at his son. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian, director and Roast Battle Champion James Mileham enlists Simon to stop people trying to be cool and find a way to make sure everyone has a good name. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Always Be Comedy's James Gill helps Simon quell male rage with the assistance of Jason Statham and curb unsolicited advice with QR codes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and writer Chloe Petts helps Simon counter chaos on the streets, the injustice of vending machines and the total mess that is the world wide web. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedy legend Matt Lucas joins Simon to sort out the problems of improvised toothpicks, impersonal e-cards and improper exaltation of Nutella. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, stand-up and producer of Russell Howard's Five Brilliant Things , Dan Atkinson urges Simon to stop people dancing like nobody's watching by drastically reducing the size of human settlements. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and social media comedian Sam Picone helps Simon come up with rules to make internet users and binmen behave themselves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Multi-award-winning comedian, writer and actor Lorna Rose Treen invites Simon to consider rules to end the tyranny of tickling and kick-start the next stage of human evolution. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer and stand-up Steve Hall presents Simon with rules to stop people making spam phone calls, sending intrusive emails and projecting irritating noises. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up, writer and actor Aideen McQueen joins Simon to dole out slap-based retribution and ensure that we can all listen in to other people's public phone calls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Joe Marler Will See You Now and The Pub Quiz Podcast 's Jake Bhardwaj joins Simon to keep Dad jokes to the minimum and get his Dad's knowledge of pop culture to the maximum. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and writer Nick Elleray employs Simon to give everyone plenty of personal space and a nice quiet life. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and social media star Alfie Dundas coerces Simon into controlling the rich and stupid by testing their contribution to society and forcing those who come up short into combat for our entertainment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Award-winning stand-up Samira Banks inspires Simon to induct rules to control jobsworths and ensure that people put in more effort when they lie. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.