The Rules

Comedian, broadcaster and impressionist Matt Forde joins Simon to figure out how to stop people being rude to waiters by curtailing obsession with status. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Edinburgh Comedy Award winning Jordan Brookes inspires Simon to use complex computer simulations and child labour to stop people dropping apple cores. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, actor and producer Michael Stranney helps Simon get to grip with people who don't respect fellow tube passengers or communal fridges. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The one and only Rich Fulcher helps Simon figure out how to stop bus seat blockers and remind his kids to put on their socks. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, podcaster and comedian Eleanor Morton encourages Simon to introduce rules to curb public spitting and avoid boring conversations. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and actor Andy Field joins Simon to inspire driving empathy and psychedelic misadventure. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Prolific writer, broadcaster and Pappy's member Matthew Crosby helps Simon restore the high street to its former glory and guarantee that people really mean it when they say "thank you" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Delightful Sausage and Rural Concerns' Chris Cantrill convinces Simon to eradicate bags on train seats and littering, while rewarding the socially conscientious with visions of the future. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Multi-award-winning comedian Shalaka Kurup teams up with Simon to ensure that everyone will always be on time and respectful to bus drivers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Actor, comedian and musician Nick Helm vents to Simon about angry gym-goers, unfriendly neighbours and trying to maintain empathy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Co-host of Loremen and Rural Concerns James Shakeshaft joins Simon to combat anarchy in the world of eggs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Podcaster and Youtuber Robbie Knox implores Simon to reward elite airport users and punish traffic-light-ignoring cyclists. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, stand-up and co-host of The Screen Rot Podcast Jacob Hawley inundates Simon with rules on drinking, driving, queuing and poltergeists. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, actor and stand-up Annie McGrath joins Simon to make swimming pools more calming, park runs less dangerous and Q&As less embarrassing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and sketch comedian Finlay Christie pleads with Simon to fix bad adverts, impolite conversation and stressful driving lessons. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and Emmy-nominated writer Michael Odewale convinces Simon to utilise inflatable obstacle courses, horses and spanking to bring order to the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The inimitable Elis James begs Simon to force people to laugh at his jokes and chill out by 10%. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Multi-talented comedian Alasdair Beckett-King guides Simon towards subjugating the rich with book tokens and genetically engineered foxes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up, writer and immigration solicitor Sikisa employs Simon to add rules on public weeing, shared Spotify account etiquette and denigration of professional wrestling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Celebrated MC & stand-up Michael May convinces Simon to protect cats from being picked up and humans from being given dystopian names. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Actor and stand-up Eshaan Akbar helps Simon deal with people who refuse to get their tickets ready before the barriers and block escalators with their massive suitcases. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Award-winning stand-up Eryn Tett implores Simon to induct rules against one-star reviews and lying to be nice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer and stand-up John Meagher convinces Simon to end the chaos of Lime bikes with the healing power of fire. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feel Good actor and stand-up Jack Barry helps Simon eradicate food fingering and window peering. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pappy's very own Tom Parry and Simon rid the world of chimneys and bring estate agents to order with the power of zorbs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.