The Reverend John Wheeler Podcast

YES! As long as you tell your insurance company that you are depressed. Which, if you are me, you are not. Good thing you can also cross your fingers behind your back every now and again to gain access to the spiritual realm.

Reaction to Static X Terrible Lie Cover: it’s not good. It caused a train accident and chemical spill that no one noticed because Ohio is already a train wreck AND a chemical toilet.

Minnesota schools are closed! But who cares, because snow days mean remote learning, and by learning I mean hearing about fractions and other bull crap that will never help you get a real job, unless you count the high powered space scientist job your parents think math class will help you get, but that ish ain’t happening.

Listen. There are some weird smutty books out there for lonely weirdo in all of us, but I don’t know who this is for. I suspect it’s no one, and this is some sort of troll goof attention grab. We fell for it. Now so can you.

I mean, besides the ones we filled it with at the end there.

And by “schools” I mean Florida. And by “What” I mean Ron Desantis. And by “currently” I mean fuck you.

Find out in this forbidden lost episode of Rick and Morty! Where we pick apart the deranged nature of early fame and beyond.

Ectolife: The Worlds First Artificial Womb Facility is a video that a lot of dumb people have gotten angry about. People that don’t want other people having a fun and pain free childbearing experience because theirs sucked so now everyone else’s has to… and people who are afraid that allowing everyone to pick their child’s genetics will lead to a world without the fat, ugly, mentally disabled popu...

We are damn over due for this, and I’m not even a fan of a cannabis high, but I still want this to happen for a myriad of reasons, some of which I don’t even have a personal vested interest in.

It’s our Christmas special. Buckle up for all kinds of surprises and special guests and…. Yeah it’s just a regular episode where John kinda references Christmas in his ramblings. Sue me.

John talks about his wedding in Las Vegas one year ago, and his recent diagnosis. You might learn a lot from this one.

John figures out a lot of things in this episode. Biblical floods, company mining towns, why old money hates new money, life on mars, and lead in weed. Have fun focusing on any of this.

On this podcast, we discuss Ye’s new record. We also get into artificial intelligence and how to tackle an active shooter.

Or did Ray Charles HIJACK it? The answer to this question may boggle your mind! And lucky for you it is contained somewhere within this very podcast.

Search engines don’t answer your questions anymore. The answers are out there, and they can easily be found, but because if capitalism all you get are sales pitches related to part of what you wrote in the search bar. You don’t get the best response, you get a response from whoever paid the most to get their response heard. It’s infuriating. Also, bone broth can kill you.

This one is vaguely political. The “red wave” is derivative, almost as dumb as Lets Go Brandon (almost) and brings to mind The Red Army, The Red Scare, and other such antithetical concepts. Also it didn’t work. Good job, dummies.

Because he’s Donald Trump, and he’s having a midlife crisis. He’s not running for president, but he’s not going to Mars either. He had to buy something.

Is it friendly snakes? Is it Gin? Is it DEATH???? John’s wife joins him on this very special episode and we figure it out.

This is from an official statement I made after some extremely gross behavior from a local club here in Minnesota caused me to take a long hard look at whether the whole “playing music” thing is worth it anymore. Spoiler: it’s not.

I’m going to level with you: John did this podcast AFTER his brother-in-law’s birthday party and was far drunker than usual. The documentary definitely gets reviewed. Kinda. Eventually. Is that even really why you’re listening to this? Probably not. Also it’s late.

Regular weed solves none of my problems, but will a weird mutation do the trick? We find out on the air.

The lovable Herman Munster is tasked with helping Lizzo find James Madison’s enchanted crystal flute, so she can use it to break the terrible curse that has befallen the United States of America.

Food neutrality is the hot new co-opted social movement designed to get kids back to eating Oreos for breakfast because Oreo was losing money due to all these healthy food trends so the best thing for them to do was astroturf in the idea that judging people’s repulsive food choices is somehow racist. How do I work Dahmer into this? You’ll see…

The rallies are empty, the merch tents are scattered and sad, your extended family won’t come to thanksgiving anymore, people roll their eyes at you whenever you speak. It’s time to pack it in. Being a part of a completely impotent cult is probably fun for a while, but it’s over. It’s time to go home. Brandon…

Get up get, get with the get down-9/11 is a joke in your town!! We also tried to make reservations at The Clubhouse at Aquia Harbor for Patriot Day, only to find out that it’s cancelled! Our September 11th super spectacular also delves into chat roulette, Danny Devito, and the evils of the royal family.