The Reconnection Club Podcast

Not every parent estranged from an adult has received a request for no contact. If you have, then the most appropriate response might be to acknowledge the request and take a step back for a while. But if your adult child just seems less interested in the relationship and won't tell you why, or hasn't indicated that you shouldn't reach out now and then, you can engage in thoughtful contact without...

In this episode, Tina describes what she means by re-parenting, and encourages you to parent yourself the way everyone deserves to be parented. She offers three specific re-parenting tips to start practicing today. And if your adult child isn't available, that's perfectly okay, because it's best to start with yourself when it comes to re-parenting. For much more on how to repair and enhance your r...

Estranged adult children often fail to return texts. This is true even if parents are requesting a simple,  one-word answer. Why do otherwise kind and polite young people refuse to offer their parents the courtesy of a brief reply? It turns out that a text is not just a text. It represents your relationship, and reflects what's going on at the moment. Tina explains why asking for a return text is...

Many parents of estranged adult children have asked them, "How can we fix this?" The answer is often silence. The estranged adult child doesn't necessarily have any interest in talking about how to reconcile. In this episode, Tina gives you four reasons to go ahead and try to repair the relationship, regardless of your child's participation.

There's a special type of pain reserved for parents who still have contact with their adult children, but feel disconnected anyway. Tina calls this sense of distance "emotional estrangement," meaning that the distance between you and your child is not physical, but emotional. This condition can happen following a physical estrangement, or it can constitute the estrangement itself. In this episode,...

What is "gaslighting," and why is your estranged adult child accusing you of doing it to her? Named after the 1944 movie "Gaslight," the term refers to the behavior deployed by the nefarious husband, played by Charles Boyer. He convinces his wife that she's insane through a calculated, relentless campaign of disinformation. But what on earth does that have to do with your behavior? You have no des...

Tina talks through three ideas from How to Win Friends and Influence People that you can begin to implement today. Use these tips to meet the needs of your estranged adult child and draw them back into connection with you in an honest and generous way. If you like the idea of attracting your adult child with sincere attempts to meet his or her emotional needs, you're in the right place with the Re...

Let Tina convince you that changing the past is as unnecessary as it is impossible. Instead, you'll learn what your child truly needs from you when she complains about past events. This episode is just another reminder that your power as a parent is greater than you probably realize. Use your power for good, in the present, and you won't have to waste any more time with pointless regrets.

For parents estranged from adult children, the concept of independence is often overlooked. But cultivating independence can have a positive impact on a rejected parent's quality of life. That includes how you handle unwanted estrangement.

"I think she blames me for my divorce." If you feel this might be a motivating factor in your adult child's estrangement, you'll want to listen to this episode.  It's rarely the divorce itself that's keeping adult children up at night. That's in the past. They lived through the immediate upheaval, and their lives are now on a different track. It's not as though your child wants you to get back tog...

"To the world's best mom..." If you ever received a note like this from your child, you might be wondering, how on earth did that adoring child become the silent, unyielding estranged adult she is today? How did you fall so far from grace, without doing anything differently? Tina suggests there are two main reasons for this seeming discrepancy in your child's feelings.

In this episode, Tina shares tips on how to become more predictable in your contact in order to create goodwill between yourself and your estranged adult child. Also, she talks about when it's okay, and even desirable, for a parent to be unpredictable.

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." For parents of estranged adult children, this is one of the most practical and powerful tips available to help them in their quest for reconciliation. While this bit of wisdom didn't originate with Stephen R. Covey, there's a very good reason why he made it one of his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People . Seeking first to understand is rocket fuel...

Not every adult child who's estranged from parents is emotionally immature. But in some cases, emotional immaturity is something that parents who want to reconnect with a particular child have to take into account. Tina lists four things you can do to maximize the chances of successful reconciliation with an emotional immature adult child.

In this episode, Tina describes specific problems created during estrangement by the parent's low self-esteem, and what you can do to improve your self-concept. She also talks about why adult children become estranged after going into therapy. It may not be why you think it is.

Your semi-estranged adult child might seem to be coming around. They're back in contact. They agree to a meeting. The meeting goes great…  But then just like that, they're gone again. Frustrated and resentful, many parents become wary of all contact with their child. They're not sure if they can trust him to stick around. They're wary about opening their hearts and getting hurt again. In this epis...

Tina often says that reconciliation is a process, not an event. In this episode, she discusses specific stages of learning that parents must traverse in order to get to the ultimate prize of permanent reconciliation with their children.

For many moms whose adult children are estranged from them, Mothers Day inspires dread. But at the same time, there's a secret light of hope shining inside. Maybe your child will reach out to you even if s/he hasn't done so recently. Maybe s/he will take the opportunity to reconnect on your special day. For most parents of estranged adult children, Mothers Day and Fathers Day turn out to be disapp...

Have you ever sent a text or email to your estranged adult child that you later regretted? Most rejected parents have done something like this at one time or another. If you haven't yet, you probably will… unless you listen to this episode.

This episode is for everyone whose now-estranged adult child used to be their best friend. Moms and dads whose children appeared to thrive on friendship with the parent, now find themselves rejected by those very children. What happened to that delightful bond? Those long talks about everything and anything? The sharing, the connection, the enjoyment of each other… Where did it go? Friendships tha...

Estrangement from an adult child is difficult, but when a birthday comes around, it becomes complicated as well. Should you send her a gift? A card? An email? Or nothing at all? What's the etiquette for recognizing an estranged child's birthday? There's no rulebook to go by, but common sense suggests that there are two ways to handle birthdays during an estrangement. The first is to respect your c...

It's discouraging for parents when estrangement from an adult child continues for weeks, months or years without any apparent progress. When your heart-felt letter is returned unopened, you ask yourself, "Now what do I do?" Taking action is the preferred response to painful silence. But it's not necessarily a productive one. In this episode, Tina explains why sometimes the best answer to "What sho...

It's bad enough to be estranged from your adult child, but when other relatives stand by and watch without attempting to help, you feel twice burned. Once by the rejection, and again by the abandonment of passive family members. Why do people who supposedly care about you continue to communicate with an estranged adult child who's breaking your heart? Why do they insist on posting pictures of your...

Inspired by a member's post entitled "To Reach Out or Not?" in the Reconnection Club forums, Tina addresses the question of contact in the shadow of the novel coronavirus. Members can find the discussion, "To Reach Out or Not?" in the General Discussion forum at reconnectionclub.com. To learn more about the Reconnection Club, go to reconnectionclub.com/learn-more.

Ah, reconciliation. At last, you've attained the brass ring. Your adult child, previously estranged, is now back in touch. Everything's great again. Or is it? Parents are largely unprepared for the fact that reconciliation is a process, not an event. Once you're back in regular contact, there's often a new set of challenges to face. What will you and your child talk about? When will you be able to...