The Reconnection Club Podcast

Parents who are working to repair a relationship with an adult child know that validation is important. But how can you validate something that seems patently false? If an accusation is serious enough to get you into legal trouble, this episode is not for you. Please seek legal counsel instead. But if you've been accused of garden-variety poor behavior and you have no idea where the accusation is...

Grandchild estrangement is one of the most painful aspects of estrangement, which is a surprisingly common problem in families. In this episode, Tina shares some observations about this phenomenon, and explains why some adult children feel justified in cutting off a grandparent, even if no one involved is happy about it. There are reasons why grandchild estrangement may occur beside the one mentio...

NOTE: The show continues! If you don't see episodes beyond this one in your podcast player, you can find them all at reconnectionclub.com/podcast. Or try another podcast player, like iHeartRadio. ... Why on earth don't estranged adult children reach out to parents if they need help? Surely the estrangement can be put aside, at least until the crisis is over? But it doesn't always happen. Are estra...

Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child. In the 3rd and final episode of this series, you'll find out why it's important to go through the steps in order, and not to enter Step 3 prematurely. By the time you get to this last step, you should already have completed 90% of the work of reconnection -- even with...

Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child. In this second episode of the series, Tina talks about how long to spend on Step 1 before progressing to Step 2, and why you don't have to rely on an estranged adult child to provide information about why they're estranged or how to make repairs. In addition to provid...

Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child. In the first episode, Tina explains why it's important to slow down and avoid acting impulsively, from a place of desperation. This foundational episode provides a rationale for Step 1, and then lists specific tasks appropriate for this first phase of responding to yo...

Not every parent rejected by an adult child feels abused by that rejection. But many do. If your child's refusal to talk to you feels abusive, chances are there are good reasons for that. However, they may not be the reasons you think. Not all behavior that causes emotional pain constitutes abuse. But if you've been abused before, your brain is on high alert for painful interactions. Feeling abuse...

This week's episode begins with an assertion that neither pain nor compassion is a zero-sum commodity. Estranged adult child are in some ways wounded by the relationship they share with their parents. Most people in this position are in pain over the necessity of estrangement. Acknowledging that fact, we can still find compassion for the rejected parent who finds himself left behind. It's usually...

Do you suspect your adult child's spouse is answering your texts? Is your estranged adult son's partner coaching him to stay away from you? How much influence do third parties have when it comes to estrangement from parents? The answer is, it depends. There's no question that we're all influenced by the people in our lives. But when it comes to big decisions like cutting off from family, most of u...

The parent-child relationship is not like any other. In so many ways, your role has always been a more demanding one than your child's. If you were lucky, you had no responsibility for your parents when you were growing up; they took care of you, and not the other way around. Parents care for their children, and children are cared for by parents. There's something inherently asymmetrical about the...

Many rejected parents feel a deep sense of loss of love, connection and belonging. If you're feeling unloved because your adult child is estranged, you may not have the luxury of waiting for her or him to offer you the warmth and affection that all of us need. The positive message of this episode is that even in our darkest times, we have the capacity to create love and kindness for ourselves and...

Once you start learning, growing and healing through estrangement from an adult child, you might feel like sharing new insights with your child. Why wouldn't s/he be interested in hearing what you've learned? And how exciting, to have new knowledge that can create a positive impact in your relationship. That's why many parents ask, "How do I let my estranged adult child know I've changed, if we're...

Weekly episodes will continue through May 31st, but after that, the next new episode will come out the first Monday in September. Tina is available over the summer (or winter if you're in the Southern Hemisphere) for private consultation. Also, the Reconnection Club is open to all parents who've listened to the podcast and read Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child . The Club offers even mo...

If you've been cut off by your adult child(ren), chances are if you're reading this, you're searching for solutions. Parents who seek solutions to the excruciating problem of adult child estrangement have probably tried reaching out to re-establish contact. But there's a problem with this common parental behavior. If a lack of contact is not the problem that led to estrangement, contacting your ch...

It's not uncommon for parents rejected by adult children to feel humiliated by the experience of estrangement. And humiliation is a terrible feeling for anyone. So when you're faced with the idea of approaching your estranged adult child(ren) with humility, you might think, 'Why on earth would I sign up for that?' And also, 'I've still got my pride,' and perhaps also, 'I'm not giving up my dignity...

The short answer is no, don't lend money to an estranged adult child. If you can't afford to *give* money to them (or if you choose not to), it may be better to avoid any financial involvement. If you can help it, don't become your child's creditor. As a creditor you're on the hook to take action if your child defaults. This doesn't bode well for a good outcome when there's already tension in your...

Parents of estranged adult children often get no response to messages they send. With every lack of response, parents become more and more discouraged. They take their child's silence as continued rejection, and they start to feel powerless. While it's true that adult children often don't respond if they don't like the message, there are other reasons why they might not reply, even if the messages...

You might be surprised to know that if your adult child has abandoned you for your ex, you have plenty of company. Single mothers often enjoy an especially close relationship with their children when they're young. No wonder these moms are shocked and hurt when one of their now-young-adults decides to explore a relationship with his dad – and decides to dump Mom in the process. What's going on her...

If you've been in the Reconnection Club environment long enough, you're probably on board with the idea of taking your estranged adult child's point of view. You want to be supportive, to validate his thoughts and feelings, while you work on repairing the relationship. But how do you do that in the face of poor behavior, without feeling like a doormat? In this week's show, Tina looks at 3 scenario...

If only your child would let go of this GRUDGE she's carrying. If it weren't for that, the two of you could be close again, the way you're meant to be. But wait – Why is your child holding a grudge? And if she is, then what's the remedy? If your child is holding a grudge, there's absolutely nothing you can do but wait till he comes around. And hope it doesn't take too long. In this episode, Tina b...

Many parents rejected by an adult child are committed to working toward a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. But they recognize that even if they work very hard and do everything right, reconciliation can take more time than they'd like. Some estranged adult children simply need more time before they're ready to try again. They may be too busy or too anxious right now to take the relations...

What if your estranged adult child is expressing ideas that seem delusional? Should you play into those delusions? Or try to talk her out of them? You might worry that while going along with your child's distorted thinking may soothe her somewhat, it isn't good for her psychological health. You're torn between preserving the relationship at any cost, and doing the right thing for your child. Fortu...

You'd be surprised how many estranged adult children come from close families. It's a myth that parents must have been toxic and abusive for adult children to seek estrangement. Sometimes the very closeness that characterizes a family is what underlies the adult child's need for distance. But how can that be? Aren't close families good for children? Yes, close families are wonderful environments f...

Understanding your adult child's reasons for estrangement can be hard, especially when there's no communication. But it can seem downright mystifying when you look back at your child's youth. "He had so many great experiences!" you may exclaim, "We made sure he had good times and lots of opportunities." You wonder how someone who was given so much could ever turn on his parents. It's wonderful to...

How can they do this? Is it really okay with them? Are they happy? Research suggests answers to these questions, and Tina shares the information in this informative episode.