The Ready for Polyamory Podcast

"Sometimes a particular adult's involvement ebbs and flows but there isn't the kind of sudden disappearance or 'revolving door' that serial monogamists imagine with polyamorous dating because we've built a lot of community." "We were really anxious about coming out to the kids, and did, and asked if they had questions, and one of them, very in character for him, said 'Yes - can I have another hamb...

"Acknowledging compersion isn't denying our jealousy. You can have a lot of different emotional 'foods' on your 'plate' at once." "We shouldn't beat ourselves up if we don't feel compersion the first day, just like we don't beat up our gardens for not sprouting the day we first plant and water the seeds." Laura and Dr. Liz Powell talk about how to interpret your jealousy, use it as information to...

"I really think we could de-escalate the use of de-escalation as a term. Let's talk about transitions and changes maybe instead. It's more accurate." "De-escalating literally implies stepping down, a level lower, that something is less or worse, but often what is happening is a re-calibration so that relationships suit the needs of the people rather than preferencing a label over the humans using...

"The purpose of a pride flag is unification and visibility for the represented group - and the current polyamory flag does neither." "If you say polyamory or kink or leather can't be at pride 'for the kids,' then it's your choice where to bring them, not our responsibility to celebrate differently for your comfort." In today's episode, Laura talks to Kristian of Polyamproud, the not-for-profit try...

"Solopolyamory flies in the face of this idea that if you love someone you'll want to be with them 24/7. It's just not true. We're here in defiance of it." "it's about this extreme representation of maintaining your personhood within relationships and re-inforcing that with your lifestyle choices." Today, the podcast discusses solo polyamory - what is it? How do solopolyam people live? What are so...

"In this structure now, I have been able to figure out who I am and what I want. That isn't to say I haven't gone on dates - I've tried it - but my polysaturation point really is 1, and this way I have time for myself." "A lot of the time, people don't know what they will want yet - and they say and ask for what makes them feel safe. So it can make sense to not want to date a monogamous person if...

Today's episode contains frank discussion of sexuality and kink dynamics, listener be aware. "I feel like no one really talks about the ins and outs of intimacy that involves marks and BDSM dynamics, and it's worth talking about." Laura sits down with Annie Undone to talk about kink dynamics, polyamory from both sides of the slash, the pros and cons of kitchen table and parallel polyam dynamics wh...

"Nothing I do ever goes viral, but one of my posts that did pretty well recently said 'I want my polyamory to be less about compersion and more about compassion,' and I think that applies here." The only certainty in any relationship is that there will absolutely be change. Laura's guests this week are polyamorous event coordinators and educators who recognize that from their own experience as wel...

"I'm relationship style agnostic - I don't think there's one right way to do relationships, but gosh are there a lot of really crappy ways to do relationships." On today's episode, Laura and Dr. Joli Hamilton, a certified sex educator and jealousy researcher whose writing focuses on couples for whom nonmonogamy works for some phases of their lives but not all phases, discuss what lessons nonmonoga...

"You have to take the space to take care of yourself and notice if you haven't made space for yourself outside of parenthood in a long time - because making space for your non-parent identity is important." "Why would we stop doing the things that make us happy and make us better as humans if we're trying to raise good people, a task that means we need to show up as our best selves?" To open seaso...

Laura and her friend Abbie K. (Tiktok's @Polyanarchy) talk about a variety of fiction they've read that contains CNM &polyamorous relationships, trends they see in polyamorous literature, and favorite books with polyam relationships. When Abbie (she/they) isn't writing, reading or creating content for TikTok(@Polyanarchy), she hangs out with her polycule and her two crazy dogs or helps with di...

"Once or twice a year hotels are an adventure... more than that it just becomes an expense" Laura and her friend Corwin met because they both were cohabiting polyamorous people who went to a meetup for polyam families. They have a conversation about the various pros, cons and considerations of polyamorous cohabitation. The literal book on polyam cohabitation is "the polyamorous home" by Jess Mahle...

"There's a great series on TikTok by Claire of PolyPages comparing unicorn hunter bios to tech startup ads and I think that says a lot." In today's episode, Laura disambiguates the terms "unicorn" and "Unicorn Hunters" and talks about the differences between unicorn hunting and simply dating in a triad dynamic. She talks about challenges of the triad dynamic, how power imbalances exist and can be...

Assuming that, broadly speaking, polyamory is what you want out of a consensually non-monogamous relationship - that you want multiple, loving relationships - there is still so much ground to cover in terms of how to do that. In the days of old, (ok, that’s enough dramatic old lady voice for me - until the last year or two) we only talked about Kitchen Table and Parallel Polyamory. These are still...

In this episode, Laura examines the cultural reality of couple's privilege - the ways in which pair-bonding is encouraged and rewarded in our mono-normative culture - and the ways that folks sometimes unthinkingly or out of additional cultural conditioning work to uphold that privilege by enforcing hierarchies and prioritizing relationships over the needs of individuals. This episode looks at whic...

In this examination of various ways religion and spirituality may impact people's practice of polyamory, Laura discusses the topic with guests from several different backgrounds to see how the processes of coming out as polyamorous, unpacking mono-normativity and purity culture, partner selection, and inhabiting the normative culture vary based on their early and ongoing religious experiences. In...

In this two-episode examination of various ways religion and spirituality may impact people's practice of polyamory, Laura discusses the topic with guests from several different backgrounds to see how the processes of coming out as polyamorous, unpacking mono-normativity and purity culture, partner selection, and inhabiting the normative culture vary based on their early and ongoing religious expe...

What does it mean to be codependent? Does the pop culture usage and the polyamorous culture usage match, and should we throw the term around? Laura analyzes the way the term gets used in general vs the medicalized and popular history and suggests an alternative lens to view relationships often vilified as 'codependent.' A blog post about the type of relationship for which this term gets used in po...

Today's episode is a discussion of when saying "no" is healthier for us as people, especially in interpersonal relationships, and why we generally are conditioned to say "yes" anyway. We cover: Reasons it's hard to say no. Signs we may need to be saying 'yes' less often in particular relationships How this applies to polyamory in particular How this applies to relationships and sexual situations H...

"Pear...Fruit...technology...devices!" There were some live video technical difficulties during this livestreamed episode (in video! too!) so I'm releasing the audio now and fixing the video up after some more coffee (it's too early Saturday morning) so there was a little bit of my very android partner cursing all my fruit based technology but not wanting to get me in trouble with one of the bigge...

Jealousy is presented as the mind-killer in polyamory a lot of the time, but it's a presentation of all kinds of other emotions and dealing in a practical way with some of those underlying causes is going to be the best way to get through or past it. While everyone's individual expressions of jealousy will be unique and include their own personal blend of different issues that need to be explored,...

"You're nesting- like little birds!" Laura this week examines labels for relationships (rather than labels for self-identity) and how they reflect our narratives of relationship and self, and what those have to do with how we identify our polyamorous relationships in particular versus monogamous relationships and relationship escalator style relating. What does it mean to be a partner? What terms...

"I don't remember exactly what I was scared of, but I'm pretty sure it was younger, blonder, and prettier than me, at least." In today's episode, Laura tells the story of two of her earliest non-monogamous relationships as a frame for explaining ways to make relationship agreements (and some really good examples of ways not to). You can get out some popcorn and enjoy the spectacle of her insecure...

"So, you know, I have to watch out for standard bad coping mechanisms like drinking too much and getting under someone to get over someone, AND poly dominoes." This week, Laura discusses the ways polyamorous breakups share traits with and differ from monogamous ones, both from her own perspective and using the framework laid out by Kathy Labriola in The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention,...

"You know, flowers and... I don't know, what's like a flower? Rose colored glasses?" As an expansion of last week's podcast, Laura discusses how to apply the ideas of consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, and relationship anarchist theory to friends with benefits and play partner relationships - and the ways each differ and combining them complicate one another. The idea that these relationships can...