The Psychology of your 20s

We all know the stereotypes about the eldest child, the youngest and the only child, but the middle child often seems to be left out, and not just from our conversations on birth order theory, but also seemingly from the family sometimes. In today's episode, we putting a spotlight on the middle children, including how their position in the family makes them so agreeable, why they often become the...

The idea of a 'soft life' originated from a group of Nigerian influencers who chose the term to describe a way of living that was comfortable, joyful, minimised stress whilst prioritised self care and simple beauty, in comparison to hustle culture, burnout and urgency. In today's episode we are going to go through 5 practical tips to make this gentle life your reality, including:  The 'Picture Thi...

Your hobbies may be just as important as your friendships in your 20s. But whilst you may dedicate 10-15 hours a week to your friends, most of us can go a week or two without actually performing our hobbies. Why is that, and what is the consequence? In today's episode we break down the psychology of why our hobbies are so important, including:  The debate around what makes a hobby  How many hobbie...

Daydreaming can be a perfectly normal part of life - zoning out in the shower, before we fall asleep, on the train to work. But some of us cross over into dangerous territory or what we call maladaptive daydreaming where we can't pull ourselves away from the fantasy. We feel disconnected and it makes our real life feel so much less bright and enjoyable. It can cause us a lot of distress and distra...

Sometimes the loudest critic, our biggest hater is not someone we know, it is ourselves. We are the ones who are the first to judge ourselves, to shut ourselves and our ambitions down, to say the nastiest things. In today's episode we break down why we are our own worst critic, including:  How we learn self criticism in childhood The evolutionary component to criticism  The role of the super ego ...

In our 20s it can feel like a mad rush to find the one. If you are single and dating, you know the experience of going on what seems like dozens of dates only to be disappointed and, at the end of the day, exhausted and yet you still haven't found someone. In this episode, we discuss why that is including:  The signs your experiencing dating burnout What dating burnout and traditional burnout have...

At some stage in our 20s, all of us will experience what I call 'The Loneliest Chapter' - a period where we feel detached, disconnected and isolated. Whilst this experience can feel terrible and make us question our relationships, friendships and selves, it's an important rite of passage and actually ends up teaching us a lot. In today's episode we discuss:  What is the 'lonely' chapter of our 20s...

What is the cost of caring too much for others? Always being the person to fix everyone's problems? Never needing anyone, but secretly loving that everyone else relies on you? Well, it turns out it can cost you and your relationships a lot, and may also be a sign of high functioning codependency. High functioning codependency is much more common amongst people who are overachieving, overgiving and...

Shame follows us everywhere. So many of us are bound by shame about our past, our mistakes, our identity, our looks, our decisions and choices. This can make living a meaningful and fulfilling life incredibly difficult when you have your own personal, shame bully following you everywhere. In todays episode we learn:  How shame gets implanted in us The links between shame and trauma  Shame vs. guil...

At some stage in our 20s we'll have to make a life changing decision where the right choice is not at all clear: stay or leave my job, the country, my relationships? We can become paralysed in that moment, unable to take a step forward, not realising that doing nothing is, in itself, a decision. In today's episode we break down:  Why we struggle to make hard decisions The paradox of choice  Indeci...

The right person at the wrong time might be one of the saddest kinds of love stories we come across. This person may be perfect for us, our dream partner, but factors like distance, life, obligations, emotional readiness get in the way and mean that we can't be together. Despite knowing we can't be together, we can't let go and pine after this person, wondering what we could have done differently....

Let's talk about what's been going on with my mental health recently and what's changed. This is a rather vulnerable episode so please check in with yourself before listening.  Lifeline (AUS): 13 11 14 National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US): 988  Samaritans (UK): 116 123 Mental health resources (worldwide): https://www.helpguide.org/find-help   Follow Jemma on Instagram: @ jemmasbeg Follow the...

Work makes up a large component of our lives. It's estimated that 1/3 of our waking lives will be spent working, so when that environment is toxic or harmful, it takes it's toll. Especially in our 20s, a toxic workplace can be quite a negative, formative experience and leave us with poor confidence, imposter syndrome and chronic burnout. In today's episode we discuss the psychological impact of ba...

When someone criticises us we naturally feel on edge and defensive. This is because criticism threatens our ego and our sense of self and so we have a very emotional reaction. But that doesn't have to be the case. In today's episode, we break down: What makes us so sensitive to criticism Hypercritical parenting and an aversion to feedback  Rejection sensitivity and criticism  The differences betwe...

If nothing else, our 20s are a time for reinvention and transformation. We become clearer and clearer about the version of us we want to be, and hopefully more confident around expressing our authentic elves, but sometimes this is interrupted by periods of boredom, stagnation, isolation and discomfort. These are all signs that something in our lives needs to change, and it needs to change now. In...

Flirting! Usually thought of as something used to express romantic or physical interest may actually be the secret to unlocking more connections than you can ever imagine: platonic and romantic. In today's episode we break down the psychology of flirting, including how to gain confidence in your flirting ability, the flirt languages or styles, why flirting is all about connection and low expectati...

We all get anxious at times, but what we forget in those moments is that anxiety is just there to protect us, it's trying to do its job, and the more we lean in and play along, the more we start to feel in control again. In today's episode, we break down the four ways I've made my anxiety work for me, including:  Turning anxiety into excitement The certainities list method The personification meth...

Limerance - the state of having undeniable feelings for someone who does not feel the same way - feels so much like love but can be so confusing, because deep down we know this person is probably not the one. Despite that we find it impossible to move on, impossible to disconnect or detach despite our best efforts because our affections for this person feel so permanently wired into our brain. Tod...

Our attention is constantly being pulled in every direction: we're thinking about the past, overthinking the future, getting notifications from our phones, information from our environment. When was the last time you truly slowed down and enjoyed the present? When was the last time you savoured the moment like you do a nice meal, or a sleep in? Today we are discussing the power of mindfulness, and...

Money is as much psychological and emotional as it is a physical resource. For that reason, sometimes money and our mental health don't always mix. Many people think that we only experience financial anxiety or financial stress when we are struggling with money, but it turns out that it's a lot more complicated than that. In today's episode, we break down the interactions between our psychology an...

Our fear of being perceived is more than just social anxiety, its a real phobia around being scrutinised, observed and primarily judged by others. It's also greatly limiting your potential and ability to be your true self. But there is a way through, there is a way to escape the constant fixation on what others are thinking about you. In today's episode, we discuss:  The origins and effects of sco...

Loving someone who struggles with their mental health can be devastating. You want to do all you can to help, but no one has ever taught you how or what exactly you should say, how you can help, the right questions to ask. In today's episode we break down the biggest pieces of advice I have for people who are supporting someone they love with their mental health from education, to understanding ou...

In today's episode we break down the controversy but also the beauty of female friendship - why exactly are they so difficult? Or is that all a myth? It turns out what makes female friendships sometimes so difficult is also what makes them so rewarding - the intensity, the level of disclosure, the expectations, the bond! We also discuss how society tries to undermine the sacred nature of female fr...

The life of the highly sensitive person is often misunderstood. Highly sensitive aren't just people who cry too much or get overwhelmed, take things too personally: they actually take in so much of the world that it can be too much. They feel everything, from joy to sadness, so immediately and profoundly. They are also so in tune with the emotions of all those around them that sometimes it can be...

This episode might be the wakeup call we all need that our traditional notions of success aren't working. We have been conditioned to see success as individualistic, full of sacrifice, centred around discipline, productivity and all about image and looking impressive. Actually, success is a lot more nuanced. Some of the most successful people in the world as the least happy because success does no...