The Porn Addict's Wife

In this episode my husband, Rob, joins me for a discussion about what our spiritual side of this has been. What our religious beliefs were growing up, how that influenced how we faced his pornography addiction, what it was like for him to feel the guilt and shame and still attend church, what spiritual tools helped us both and what didn't...there is so much in this one! We hope that you enjoy it a...

The way you tell your story matters. We often like to dramatize our story because it justifies our feelings. But adding the drama only adds more emotional weight and heaviness to an already emotional and heavy situation. Your story is already dramatic enough. You don't need to keep adding to it. Today I am going to talk about why we do this, why it's important to recognize it and how to change it....

Do you do things so that people will like you? Or so that you don't hurt their feelings? Do you act in a way that isn't true to who you really are so that others aren't put out? That's people pleasing. And it doesn't lead to anything except an outfit that you don't really want, that you regret purchasing, when you'd rather have something else. (Trust me, I share a shopping story in this episode th...

Am I always going to worry that my husband will relapse and watch pornography again? Short answer? Not if you don't want to. I know it seems crazy because that fear is so real, constantly running our thoughts or determining whether or not we go on vacation without our spouse. But join me today as I dissect our fear of relapses, why worrying about them seems important but is unnecessary, and how yo...

Rob joined me on the podcast today to talk about our sex life and how it was affected by his pornography addiction. We hope that you will look at what we share with compassion and understanding and hope. In this episode I talk about one of the biggest tools that I used and teach to help women work through how their sex life is affected by their husband's addiction. The best way to work through thi...

Today is a special episode. I interviewed one of my clients! I wanted to give you guys a better idea of what life coaching is like and what is possible with it. I wanted to give you an example of a real client who has gotten real results and how her life has transformed as a result of coaching. She is so relatable and so fun to listen to, I know you all are going to love her as much as I do! Thank...

If you have a spouse struggling with pornography addiction and you want to talk about how it is affecting your sexual relationship, this is the episode for you. In this episode, I talked with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. She is an LDS psychotherapist who specializes in sexual and relationship therapy for couples. She and I talked about why women feel like their husband's pornography addiction is s...

Most of the time, we split our life up into two categories: the things we "want" to do and the things we "have" to do. But notice how much more miserable that makes completing tasks when we think that we don't want to do them. Today I'm going to talk about why we do this, why it's not serving us, AND how to change it. Plus, I'm going to dive into WHY it's so important that we change this AND the s...

My husband Rob joined me on this episode as part of a bonus series where he and I talk about various aspects of this journey. Today, we're talking about what it was like (for both of us) when he told me he was addicted to pornography. He shares what he felt beforehand, the emotions he felt when he first confessed, what it was like telling me about relapses, and I share what my part felt like as we...

The opposite of having a victim mentality is taking 100% responsibility. But that does NOT mean taking the blame or judging ourselves. It means accepting where we are and acknowledging what is within our power to control. It means we stop using outside circumstances as the reason for what we feel, the actions we are (and are not) taking, and the results we have in our life. THIS is how you begin t...

This is a special series of episodes where my husband Rob is joining me on the podcast! We are going to dive into a variety of topics about pornography addiction and how it affected both of us in our marriage, how we handled it, and, of course, tips for you. We are excited to give you both sides of the story and some insight that will hopefully help you in your own marriage as well. Don't forget t...

What is a victim mentality? Why do we have it? How do we get rid of it? Why is it such a problem? Today, I'm going to tackle all of these questions with a little tough-lough truth about having a victim mentality. If you are feeling stuck, feeling like you are at the mercy of your husband's pornography addiction, this is the episode for you! If you want to start moving forward today, sign up for a...

My biggest piece of advice that I share for women who have a spouse addicted to pornography is that you should be talking to 3 people: 1: Your spouse. 2: A professional 3: One confidant. But the problem is secrets. Our brain comes up with lots of very important-sounding reasons for us NOT to talk about this, to keep it a secret (from our spouse, our friends, our family, and from a professional). B...

We have these ideas for how people in our lives ought to behave. Things they "should" and "shouldn't" do. But the problem with this is that then we are constantly comparing the way people show up in our lives with this subconscious list that we've created over the years-and they rarely measure up. This is even true for ourselves. Today, I'm going to teach you about manuals that we've created for o...

We are really good at resisting emotion. But it isn't helpful. All it does is keep that emotion right below the surface. Learning how to work through your emotions is crucial if you want something in your life to change because our emotions are the reason behind all of our action. It's so important that we learn how to conquer this resistance. So join me today as I teach you why we do this, how to...

Self-pity is what I call an "indulgent" emotion. It feels really good to sit in it. The problem with allowing ourselves to live our lives in self-pity is that it keeps us stuck. We go nowhere. Because we give credit for everything in our lives to things outside of our control. Self-pity keeps us a victim, which never allows us to progress. Join me today as I talk more about this and give you tips...

We think that having expectations is a good thing. We think it is what inspires people to rise up and improve and become who we know they can be. Right? But what happens if they don't live up to our expectations? Then what? Join me today as I dive into the expectations we have for others, and for ourselves and why it's important to let one of those go.  Don't forget to sign up for my email list so...

Today I am diving into the difference between Confidence and Self-Confidence. Learning the difference between these two attributes changed my life and I am so excited to share this today! I'm going to teach you the difference between the two, why it is so important to understand, and HOW to develop more self-confidence.  Don't forget to sign up for my email list so that you can get notified when I...

Alright ladies, let's have some tough love. If you really want 2021 to be different than 2020, then you are going to need to invest in yourself. Not just time. Not just energy. But money. And purpose. And intention. Not just into your physical health but into your mental health. Getting where you want to go doesn't just happen passively. It happens on purpose when you step out of your comfort zone...

There are so many moments where we face so much emotion that it seems overwhelming-the moment we find out about our husband's pornography addiction, or the moment we find out about his relapse, or when we find out details about his addiction that we didn't know before. Today I'm going to walk you through what is happening inside our brains during these moments, why it's happening, and what to do a...

How do we show up as our best selves when we don't know what is in our future? How do we plan our lives if we don't know what is going to happen? How are we supposed to think about our future when we don't know what will happen in our future? Today I'm going to talk all about HOW you can shift your focus to change how you think about yourself and how it can completely change your future.  Don't fo...

Do you want to change something in your life or something about yourself? Do you want to lose weight or be more confident or be a better mom? THIS is how you do it! Acting from your future self allows you to become the person you want to be. On the podcast today I'm going to be telling you the 5 steps to follow to think about yourself from your future self and HOW to step into that role! Don't for...

We define ourselves by our past-what we've done, the things we've already accomplished, habits we've had, where we have lived-but all that does is perpetuate our present. If you want anything in your life to change, it is going to require that you start thinking of yourself from your future instead of your past. If you continue in the same patters, you will get the same results. Let's change it! ...

We have a lot of things we believe. And we also have little exceptions to those beliefs. For example, "I believe I'm smart...except with math". These little exceptions to our beliefs seem harmless and factual but they can be extremely detrimental to our belief system if we don't become aware of them. Today I'm going to explain what these are, why it's so important to become aware of them, and how...

We often try to resist the emotional pain in our lives because we don't want to feel it and we think that if we accept it, it will make our lives worse. What we don't realize is that we actually make our lives worse already by trying to resist it. Crazy, right? Join me on the podcast today and I'll talk all about it. Don't worry, I have some great analogies to help you visualize it! Come join my F...