The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!

We explore the painful reality of "forced celibacy" and the emotional distance that often precedes a sexless relationship. Using a classic scene from American Beauty as a jumping-off point, we discuss how couples often lose their connection to each other long before the intimacy stops. You may also like our last episode: https://youtu.be/_qCEI1ONAPw We dive into the complex reasons why i...

If sex is off the table but the loyalty, the dinners, the emotional  availability are still expected - something in your relationship has  fundamentally broken down. And nobody is talking about it honestly. In this episode, therapists Elliot and Lottie go deep on one of the  most painful dynamics in modern marriage: when one partner pulls away  from intimacy but still wants all the benefits. This...

This video is about POC 44 I Want Sex but NOT with YOU | Deep Dive How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

On our Walk and Talk episode, we explore the reality of a sexless marriage (dead bedroom) and the silent pain of couples experiencing emotional and physical disconnection. Through raw, honest insights, we dissect how unspoken resentments, fear of rejection, and societal expectations can erode intimacy over time, and we offer practical strategies for rebuilding a genuine connection. Whether you are...

When Is Withholding Sex Considered Infidelity? A Deep Dive into Trust, Betrayal, and Boundaries Previous episode:    • Is withholding Sex an infidelity - Hits di...  We explore the complex nature of infidelity and betrayal in relationships, focusing on whether withholding sex for non-medical reasons qualifies as infidelity. With insights from therapy and real-world examples, we uncover how boundar...

Is your partner there, but not really there? That's the silence at the heart of a sexless marriage. In this Deep Dive, Lottie and Elliot unpack why one partner withdraws physically, and why the other's attempts to reconnect keep missing the mark. Using the iconic "I want you to want to do the dishes" scene from The Break-Up, they reveal the hidden language of bids for connectio...

What actually happens when sex disappears from a relationship, and why is it so hard to talk about? In this deep dive, therapist Lottie and Elliot go beyond the surface and into the real psychological dynamics behind sexless marriages: unresolved conflict, contempt, shame, and the moment a couple quietly becomes roommates. This is the conversation most couples never have, until it's almost to...

Join Elliot and Lottie on an honest walk | Cheating or sexless? When one partner takes sex off the table, what happens to the other? In this Walk & Talk, therapists Lottie and Elliot unpack one of the most painful dilemmas couples face — forced celibacy in a committed relationship, loosing limerence and why it so often leads to affairs. We break down: 🔹 Why contempt and lack of communication...

We explore the nuanced process of conscious uncoupling, HOW TO LET GO respectfully, intentionally, and with growth at the core. Drawing from therapeutic insights, we uncover how deep self-awareness, empathy, and healthy boundaries transform separation into an opportunity for healing and new beginnings. Key topics: The limits of connection based on individual inner work Recognising and bridging the...

Lottie and Elliot  talk about being Blindsided by Betrayal: Navigating the Aftermath (We Talk Cheating): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0PR4-GNlDE&t=196s We delve into the emotional turmoil in the relationships, and explore the initial shock, the grief cycle, and the complex emotions that follow discovering infidelity. Through personal anecdotes and listener comments, they discuss coping str...

Welcome to The Paradox of Change - your couples therapy and relationship advice channel hosted by three experienced therapists. We believe there has to be an I before We. Struggling with trust issues, affair recovery, sexual rejection, or intimacy problems? Whether you're dealing with a sexless marriage, low libido, or rejection sensitivity - we help you build a stronger relationship with you...

Lottie Passell-Syms and Natalie Wanner explore the complexities of OPEN relationships, communication, and intimacy. They discuss the impact of past trauma on current relationships, the dynamics of low desire, and the importance of accountability and radical acceptance in navigating intimacy. You may like this episode https://youtu.be/AC08xbGuadU The conversation emphasises the need for open dialog...

Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex? This episo...

We have an honest talk with with Poppy Tiltman, who's here to share her perspective on disability without the usual sugar-coating. In this candid episode, Poppy makes one thing clear from the start: she doesn't want to be your inspiration, and she's not here to make you feel good about yourself - thats your job! Living with cerebral palsy and autism, Poppy cuts through the typical f...

The secret to lasting love isn't about finding the perfect partner or mastering communication techniques. There's one fundamental question that predicts whether your relationship will thrive or fail: "Can I be me with you?" If you are searching for relationship repair or relationship advice, this might be the show for you. In this deep-dive conversation, Elliot and Lottie explo...

Former Royal Navy Lieutenant Commander Jamie Leaper shares his powerful journey from military service to becoming a therapist - and why being part of the 20% of male counsellors is changing how men engage with mental health. In this honest conversation, Jamie discusses: • The reality of military-to-civilian transition anxiety • Why the "veteran" label can be harmful • How injury recovery...

Is there a Crisis in Masculinity? Elliot and James Penny from Flex Your Feelings podcast, tackle one of today's most controversial topics head-on! In this honest conversation, we explore: - Why modern men feel lost and confused about their identity - How social media algorithms are warping masculine role models - The shocking truth about what schools are teaching boys about masculinity - Why...

Labiaplasty & Ozempic : Understanding the Surge in Popularity... Our resident therapist and coach, Fi, interviews Ceira Robinson, from London's prestigious Mayfair cosmetic surgery scene. Might Like this? https://youtu.be/pK6vVHyeWcs?si=hEY6cYBTGeo4VWd6 This eye-opening conversation reveals the alarming surge in cosmetic procedures, especially labiaplasty among young women, and exposes ho...

How do we Understanding the Emotional Roots of Eating Disorders? You might like our other episode Infidelity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5U&t=1618s Elliot and Lauren explore how these disorders manifest differently in athletes compared to the general public, the impact of family dynamics, and the emotional struggles that often accompany these conditions.  We highlights the importa...

Expert Advice On Intimacy, Sex & Relationships. We discuss everything from dating, to love bombing vs limerence to conscious uncoupling. You may like 'Do Happy People Cheat?': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5U A conversation with sex and intimacy specialist Lottie Passell-Syms, hosted by mental health podcast creators James Penny and Sam Bell:  Sam and James our the brains...

From Room Mates to Romance... How can we rescue the SEX and INTIMACY from a potentially failing relationship and rekindle the spark we're looking for into something even better! What if no sex leads to infidelity (https://youtu.be/Gh-qO5lQg5U) and, What if consciously choosing to pause your sex life could be the very thing that saves your relationship?  Summary This week Lottie and Elliot exp...

Rethinking infidelity - part 2 ... Exploring the definitions, the dynamics of micro affairs, and the emotional and physical impacts on relationships. The thrill and dopamine effects associated with infidelity, link to Episode 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6JUnK131nI&t=1250s They also touch on the changing dynamics of relationships and the rising prevalence of affairs. In this conversation...

The hidden crisis of male mental health in 2025. From workplace struggles to finding authentic connection, we uncover why so many men feel lost today. You might also like:    • Men are losing their masculinity #017  Today we sit down with BetterHelp therapist Richard Whitenstall. 🎯 In This Episode: • Why men are struggling to find their place in modern society • The impact of workplace dynamics o...

📢 Episode 21: The Truth About Infidelity, Affairs, & Healing Relationships 💔 Why do people cheat? How does limerence (obsessive attraction) impact relationships? Can couples repair trust after an affair? In this episode of The Paradox of Change, Elliot Burgess explores infidelity, emotional affairs, attachment theory, and the complex emotions of betrayal. 🔎 Topics Covered:  ✅ Types of Affa...

“Change doesn’t happen unless you make it happen.” In this special year-end episode of The Paradox of Change podcast, Elliot, Lottie, and Fi reflect on the transformative journey of 2024, sharing personal stories, professional breakthroughs, and key lessons from their work in therapy, coaching, and business. From Fee’s leap into entrepreneurship and Lottie’s work as a sex and relationship therapis...