The Overwhelmed Brain

What do you say when someone tells you they want to commit suicide? Do you rush them to the police hoping that they will help them? Do you sit with them and really listen to what they're saying so that they know they are being heard and not pushed on to someone else? Is there a real answer? Is there a right answer? So many people consider it, and so few people talk about it. I received a letter fr...

How bad can your panic and anxiety get? I had one panic attack in my life and it was at that moment a part of me died, opening up a new way of being. Nothing like panicking in the desert, having no money, a broken car, and losing the car and everything in it to set off an anxiety attack. The worst possible scenario was unfolding and I had to either accept and live with the consequences, or not acc...

There's a parable that reminds us that there are two wolves inside us all. One is evil (anger, jealousy, greed and resentment). The other is good (joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and bravery). The question is, which one wins? At least, that's what Eric Zimmer of The One You Feed podcast likes to ask his guests on every episode of his show. I brought Eric on today to talk about his sho...

Bad habits can be hard to change or moderate, but there are small steps you can take to make it easier to change a bad habit into a good one, or at least, a little less "bad". Also, I received an email with a heartwarming story of inspiration where someone finally realized she had a choice - and she made that choice! It was empowering and needs to be heard by anyone who feels there's no hope for t...

Our emotions are attached to our memories. Our memories are attached to people and stuff. It's that stuff that we hold on to that sometimes makes us feel bad, so why do we still have it in our lives? Pictures are a great example of this. Why keep pictures that make you feel bad? Also, in any relationship, the role of masculine is typically played by one person and the role of feminine is played by...

Stepping out of the details so that you can see a bigger picture is one of the best ways to end an argument. When you "chunk up" into a broader perspective instead of staying "chunked down" and embroiled in the details, you're able to step out of all the negative emotional energy about the situation. For the Ask Paul segment, a listener who just graduated college wrote and asked about honoring his...

Your self-worth starts when you interpret what your parents or caretakers think about you. If you interpret that they don't value you, you don't value yourself. As the years go by, your self-esteem builds from your level of self-worth. If you have low self-worth as a child, you have low self-esteem as an adult. It's time to rebuild both so that you don't have so much fear and insecurity in your li...

Self compassion is what you have for yourself when you stop being overly giving. And fearing happiness is another issue I talk about after receiving an email from someone who seems to have the perfect life. These two subjects go hand in hand, and really come down to a way of honoring yourself like you've never done before.

Is fate what we make or what we create? I talk about a quote from Carl Jung on this very topic. Today's listener email has to do with being caught in a lie with family, and what to do in the aftermath. News and you is about how we can spot fake or forced laughter, and what we can do with this skill. And finally, I talk a very dysfunctional family member who's trying to worm his way back into my fa...

Divorce is no fun to begin with, but when it's dragged out for months or even years, it can be brutal. The stress and anxiety of the next thing and the next thing can feel neverending, and sometimes you have to take things on by yourself. Today I read an email from a listener going through a long, messy divorce with someone who cheated on her. She is depressed, defeated, and has no passion for lif...

When change happens, do you grow with it or suffer hoping it goes away? Growing through the changes helps you move out of stagnation and stop repeating old behaviors. Also, I talk about death and acceptance today too, and how accepting that death is a part of life, and letting the emotions come up, whatever they are, will help start the healing process.

Forgiveness is not about other people, it's about you. When you can learn to forgive yourself, even when you aren't the one to blame, you let go of the negative emotions so that you can take the learnings into your future. Also, I talk about John Gibson, the pastor who committed suicide after hackers revealed millions of user names and detailed information about the users from the Ashley Madison i...

If you find yourself overwhelmed, stressed, or completely out of control in your life, then these two episodes will have you examining what you might be doing to create the chaos. Most of the time, we overextend ourselves and actually have a choice if that's going to happen or not.

If you're overwhelmed or simply have no more time in your schedule, then you are probably a highly overextended person. Today I talk about the habits that highly overextended people have and how you can avoid being overextended yourself. This is part 1 of a 2 part episode. http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

When it comes to visiting family, who you are can sometimes regress into the child they remember you as instead of the fully capable adult that you are now. How do you know this is happening? When you're afraid to be yourself around them, it's happening.

When you were a child, whatever fear came up, you figured out a way to survive the moment. These survival skills were very handy in adolescence simply because they worked to keep us alive! Sure, we probably weren't going to die, but it felt like it! Then, years later we became adults (well, some of us did ;) ), and soon we were put into situations that caused similar fears and once again, that old...

What's missing in your life? I honestly don't know, but I bet you do. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you've been asking the wrong question all this time. "What's missing?" isn't the question you should be asking. The real question is What's present in your life that's preventing you from getting what's missing in your life? Odd wording, right? But that's just it: The way we phrase our questions dic...

Resistance to your problems is very similar to denial. Both delay closure, and both create suffering. However, resistance creates denial, after all, you wouldn't want to suffer any more than you are so you resist facing your issue and coming to a hard decision. Regardless if the problem goes away or not, there is a way to end the suffering typically involved with problems. And that's what today's...

A satisfying, loving relationship doesn't have to be hard, but there are components that need to be included in this type of relationship in order for things to work out well. This is part 2 of a 2-part episode where we talk about the last 5 components. If you're still not satisfied with your relationships after listening to part 1, then this episode should wrap things up quite nicely.

There are probably hundreds of components that make up a great relationship, but I'm going to address some of the ones that make the biggest difference. Whether a friendship, family, or intimate partner, when you adopt and include these components in your relationships, they will improve. But, just like I mention in the show, things go a lot better when the other people in your relationships also...

How many times in your life has something happened that was so hard to believe, that it actually hurt to believe it? You know what I mean... it's that truth you don't want to hear. It's like the people who can't believe the holocaust happened because it was just so atrocious. Or, like the email I got from a woman who found out her husband is cheating on her. It's very hard to accept a truth that h...

When you suffer from perfectionism based in fear, you become more and more miserable as time goes on. In fact, the more perfect and controlling you are, the more disappointed with life you get. Does it make sense to be perfect? Is it actually more destructive than helpful? Many times yes. There is a healthy perfectionism and an unhealthy one. The question is: Are you suffering or evolving? How you...

There's no escaping the sometimes hard to deal with arguments, tension and turmoil that can go on in a relationship. I received an email on this topic, and I cover everything from personal boundaries to irrational people. Whether you're in a relationship or not, you're sure to get something from today's show.

How you show up for life is how your life turns out. So many people think they are a victim of circumstances, but when they connect the dots in reverse, they can the decisions and actions that led to their place in life now. How do you show up for anything? Do you wear a mask to show people someone you’re not? Let’s dive into this topic and figure out if authenticity is the key and showing up on d...

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and have all kinds of mannerisms that different people give different names for. In my opinion, anytime someone wants you to feel bad or forces you to do something against your will, it is bullying. I recently realized that I was a bully in my marriage. This led to some interesting insights I share in this episode. That, along with learning about how the typic...