The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast

Shame is a dreadful, intolerable feeling, a visceral reaction that goes deep inside of us. Often, children carry their shame into adulthood, especially if they are raised by narcissistic parents. When we feel ashamed we want to disappear and hide where no one can find us. The narcissistic parent expects perfection from his child. A child learns how to feel about himself/herelf through the loving a...

 "The narcissist is at all times a deceiver, never straight, clear or true. He/she has mastered the ability to delude himself and others. Like a socerer, he hatches intricate plots in secret..." (From: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life, Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph. D., LMFT).  For many years you played your role of partner and spouse to the high level narcissist, knowing that he/she wa...

Each narcissist is unique in his or her inimitable way. We learn a great deal about a person by the way he/she communicates.  With Narcissists there are several styles that stand out. The first is the Screamer. This man or woman always has the volume dial turned up to the max, especially when under stress or frustration which is frequent. There is no modulation in sound intensity whether the narci...

High level narcissists are highly secretive. They often compentalize their private lives. They are never concerned about deceiving partners since they don't have a fully developed conscience.  High levels are often obsessed with acquiring money. But narcissists don't share. Many of them have hidden cash and bank accounts that are cleverly concealed from their partners and spouses. The spouse does...

The Shadow is that part of us that rises from the unconscious. It is mysterious and unique to each individual. Carl Jung describes it this way: "The Shadow personifies everything that the subject (person) refuses to acknowledge about himself." "Those who have no conscious acquaintance with their shadow, project forgotten, forbidden disowned parts of themselves onto others in destructive ways." (Fr...

Narcissists cast dark shadows over our lives, especially when we are very young. Deep inside, instinctively, we know that we must survive. Many of us go along not only to get along but to stay vital psychologically. Some young children in highly disturbed narcissistic fmilies become hyper-vigilant-always surveying their environments for danger, threats, visceral feelings of being completely unsafe...

Narcissistic mothers are completely absorbed with themselves. Many of them have children to enhance their image of having a perfect family. The work of raising, nurturing and protecting one's child is expected and essential. The narcissistic mother often turns her daughter over to babysitters or nannies when the child is very young, even an infant. She makes sure that friends and acquaintances bel...

Today we are surrounded by countless greedy narcissists in a society that has become exceedingly materialistic, coarse, Darwinian, soulless. The high level narcissist is all act: false, cunning, acquisitive. The greediest go after what you have – investments, properties, residences, businesses, valuable possessions, trusts, works of art. They feed off of your creativity and steal your projects. –...

For Empaths: Practice Self Care and Self Kindness Draft Sep 25, 2023 Empaths are unique individuals who are often misunderstood. As babies and small children they learn that they are unlike other family members. Some children are accepted and respected but this attitude tends to be the exception. Empaths have a heightened sense of perception. They are highly sensitive to loud noises, large crowds...

High level narcissists stand at center stage, commanding all the attention. He/she struts and preens before the audience. The high level is exultant before his/her adoring audience. These individuals expect nothing less than being perpetually adored.  Many names are associated with these false self high flyers: Champion, Winner, Nobleman, Noblewoman, Prince, Princess, Genius, Spiritual Master.   O...

"In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it." (Michelangelo)  One of the greatest sculptors created unsurprassed masterpieces---The Pieta, David, Moses among others. He was a master at taking a block...

High level narcissists are essentially solo acts. They are incapable of forming genuine relationships, especially with their spouses, partners and children. Narcissists are duplicitous. They have many secret agendas. They compartmentalize their lives skillfully and without conscience.  After you have been married to a narcissist for a while you realize this man or woman is not the person you met a...

You are in charge now unlike the days of childhood when you were under the control, expectations and pscyopathologies of your parents. Your partner, spouse, ex-spouse, siblings and other family members are not entitled to intimidate or control you. Be kind with yourself. Self Kindness activities include: Move at our own pace; don't let anyone rush you. Many children are herded around and forced to...

Covert narcissists fly under the radar. It can be very difficult to identify them before they have psychologically ambushed you. Polite, humble, soft spoken, respectful in manner, the covert narcissist conceals his/her true nature with great skill. They are at your service, appear to be good listeners and are clever actors of pseudo empathy. In the first moves the covert narcissist appears to be v...

Our hearts are drawn quickly and beat fiercely with someone who is irresistible. That often is a narcissistic man or woman.  They have our "numbers", are often very attractive and compelling. They give us so much attention in the beginning. The narcissist always wants something from us and it is not our welfare or peace of mind, or our creative, psychological or spiritual well being.  There is a s...

Daughters of narcissistic mothers have a particularly difficult pathway to travel. From childhood they have had to contend with mothers who were cold, distracted, self-absorbed, coercive, dismissive, manipulative and psychologically destructive. Their children are at their mercy and whim. Their daughters are an ongoing source of narcissistic supply to this non-mother.   Adult daughters of narcissi...

Psychological fusion represents the need to identify and merge with the high level narcissist.  This occurs as a result of emotional and psychological deficits and causes a sense of being incomplete as an individual.  Those who experience this fusion seek the high level narcissist for validation and a sense of worth and purpose. The causes of psychological fuson can be the result of childhood trau...

Classic narcissists are bombastic and charismatic, running through their days in the fast lane---always moving to their next cascade of narcissistic supplies. If they are very successful they have more opportunities to be adored, praised and rewarded hnadsomely in this current world of rampant pathological narcissism. Those at the top of their game don't do the hard work. They have adoring followe...

Some grandiose narcissists are egomanical. Their bloated sense of self is without boundaries. They are delusional, believing that they are all powerful, omniscient, demi gods. They are obsessed with obtaining and maintaining the highest levels of raw power and control over others in their orbits. Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life: "The narcissist fabricates de...

From the time he/she was very young, the budding narcissist was convinced that he was brilliant, talented, resourceful, socially gifted at magnetizing people to him/her. Often the golden child, these individuals are exceedingly self entitled, overflowing with hubris.  They are convinced that they are perfect--superior to others in every respect. These beliefs and convictions become an integral cor...

Running a fever is a sign that we are fighting an infection. Your temperature rises; you are very hot. Your sweat glands activate and you cool down. Your fever has broken and you are in the process of recovering and getting well. You are moving toward healing. The lust for money and power in the high level narcissist is a fever, a sickness, a perverse pursuit,  uncontained. Monetary acquisition ca...

The narcissistic personality leads his/her life in psychological delusion. Wearing a series of false self masks, the narcissist convinces so many that he/she is authentic. There are many stories of the extraordinary duress and psychological and emotional pain that are inflicted by them on their  spouses, children, partners, ex-spouses.  In current society where highly successful narcissists are fe...

"The shadow personifies everything that the subject (person) refuses to acknowledge about himself." CG Jung "Those who have no conscious acquaintance with their shadow project forgotten, forbidden and disowned parts of themselves on to others in destructive ways." Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph. D., LMFT, Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist Are you trapped in a marriage or partnership with a pern...

I have communicated with many individuals who tell me that they keep marrying, divorcing and then partnering with another covert narcissist. How could they have known that they would repeat this corrosive psychological pattern. They should not blame themselves. It is exceedingly difficult to recognize a covert narcissist, especially if he/she is at the top of their game. The covert has been practi...

Many individuals have narcissistic friends who are taking advantage of them and who cannot be trusted with confidences or personal information. High level narcissists, those who are socially  smooth and highly successful in the world, are difficult to detect. They effect a convincing pseudo empathy, appear to be genuinely engaged, come across as bright, articulate and share much in common with you...