The Movie Patrol

Steve, Dave and Sean hunt down answers about Dutch and the alien, a getaway with the colonel, getting ghosted, Billy's pouch, dry shaving, distractions and so much more.

Steve, Dave and Sean take on some martians while learning about cockroach wingers, a fitness plan infomercial, mutant rebellions, a major stomach virus, "futuristic technology", a triple b-hole, street sweeper cars and tons more.

Steve, Dave and Sean try to save the ship in this tale of a bloated Navy Seal turned mess cook defending a ship. It's got mercenary caterers, a psycho XO, classified ad commercials, Casey's cooking offers and a topless playmate that had to rethink her life choices after this gig. A hell of a day at sea, sir.

Steve, Dave and Sean stab holes in this classic with a tall child killer, pumpkin abuse, easy girls, an unusual doctor-patient relationship, almost no trick-or-treating on Halloween, Tommy's magazine stash, irresponsible babysitting, Ben Tramer finally shows up and so much more in this Halloween holiday must watch.

Steve, Dave and Sean deliver slightly futuristic justice to this tale of an unwitting cyborg cop in Detroit that includes breakdance walking, threats of a strike, destroying mom and pop stores, warrantless searches and arrest, real estate drone rape, a mock trial, waste portals and more.

Steve, Dave and Sean bring Suzy back to tread on sacred soil and learn about Steven Seagal as Forrest Taft, a converted self righteous environmental blowhard who actually damages the environment badly and his love of fighting senior citizens in bars, his friend Hugh's porn break, a silly vision quest, eagle cries, stolen heritage, an Aegis Oil alternate commercial and a lot more.

Steve, Dave and Sean deliver the truth about Frank's transporting business, pee break protocols, non-compliance with auto physics, shirtless fighting, magic tricks in a bar, weird characters, disrespecting corpses and a lot more.

Steve, Dave and Sean round up answers about this classic tale of dinosaurs living underground and emerging and attacking simple country folk. It's got dinos slapping ladies, plumbing police trucks, guys dating women out of their league and generation, a drunk daddy, Quaid the one man army and so much more. One of my favorite movies that I can't believe people financed and made. Praying for a seque...

Lionheart (1991) out now. Steve, Dave and Sean square up to find out about Leo's fighting career after escaping the Legion, his new limpy friend, why his mail smells so good, groin assaults, Cynthia's obsession and Leo gets an offer to go free at the end, but Sean isn't happy about the terms. Enjoy.

Steve, Dave and Sean hunt down answers about Rambo's search for POW's, his unusually close relationship with the colonel, his short friendship with Co Bao, disregard for backblast, car wash financing terms that tarnishes Sean's hero and a whole lot more.

Steve, Dave and Sean transit into the nonsense of a "speeding" bus bomb, launching patrol cars without spinal injuries, poorly timed cuddling, terrible decisions, a pastrami hand bad guy and tons more. Find laughs all around in one of the few movies featuring the people's chariot.

Steve, Dave and Sean cure the disease and find laughs in organized chaos, an angry hemorrhoid sufferer, grocery disrespect, empty dietary advice, constant knife sharpening, Cobra's romantic encounters, invitations to hell, for no reason at all...a robot photo shoot and so much more.

Steve, Dave and Sean wade through the swamp of deviancy and try to find humor in a story about a woman getting revenge after being attacked. The movie provided plenty of material for us. Just listen for yourself.

Steve, Dave and Sean deal with the riff raff and learn about the glorious world of bouncing and "cooling". This one has mullets, creepy guys, boot knives, barn love, college transcripts in medical records, throat rips, illegal car transfers, plus find out why Emmet says "yep, it's pee."

Steve, Dave and Sean chase down answers about Ben Richards, his scream fighting, tight outfits, lame gladiators, a kidnapping turned love affair and a hidden floppy disk. What more does a movie need?

Steve, Dave and Sean take down this pile and discover assault garbage trucks, awful tactics, a head stabbing obsession, a security detail of video game characters and flawed protocols everywhere. Jam packed with nonsense.

Steve, Dave and Sean head into the bush to learn about Braddock's mysterious past and skills, his creepy old friend with a boat, taxi rides gone wrong, his "consensual" love interest, a disturbing level of bare chests and so much more. A great time if you're not on the wrong side of Braddock's boot.

Steve, Dave, Sean and Suzy chase down answers in this movie about a 110 pound Russian sleeper agent who beats up everyone. There's a laughable backstory, homemade weapons, thirsty spiders, Matrix-like fight scenes and slow-fast running. One of Sean's favorites for some reason.

Next of Kin (1989) out now. Steve, Dave and Sean dole out some backwoods justice to this movie about a hillbilly detective married to a concert violinist/fiddler avenging his brothers death by the vending machine mafia. Mullets, hillbillies, bad accents. Ridiculous. What other description do you need? So much fun.

Piranha 3D (2010) out now. Steve, Dave and Sean search the depths to make sense of this movie about ancient fish attacking college partiers on a lake. A hot sheriff, dumb kids, prehistoric piranha with anger issues, debauchery and a Doug Masters wannabe that multiple girls wanna nail for some reason. You're gonna love it.

Steve, Dave and Sean lock down this foolish movie that includes an ancient transport plane, in-flight mishaps, unlikely clashes, a ridiculous ending sequence and some letters from Cameron you never heard. Don't miss this one.

Steve, Dave and Sean take aim at this tale of a 2nd rate Olympic sniper trying to outdo the best and possibly most senior sniper in the Corps. Full of peacocking, unexplainable tactics and chains of command, perplexing physics and ranging, interesting guns and crazy characters.

Steve, Dave and Sean take down this turbulent turd full of hijacking, a stinky dojo, crazy getaways, profiling, an angry sky waitress and impossible logic. Packed with goodness and supersized for your enjoyment.

Steve, Dave and Sean try to make sense of the secret world of high end car ganking, go kart ranches, amateur carpentry, fiery junkyards, magical driving and why Sean's obsessed with a mumbling dreadhead and some fun at break time.

Steve, Dave and Sean accept the mission to figure out what's happening in Mission Impossible (1996). There's email spamming, stealing lists Indiana Jones style, Sean's dream father-in-law, burning plastic on planes and for some reason plecostomus fish. Definitely a fun one.