The MindfulMess with Gene & Matt

Humans love stories, and whether we realize it or not, most of us are usually narrating some kind of story about the things that happen around us. The challenge is that those stories aren't always accurate, and we all have personal biases that influence our perception of what those around us really mean by their words and actions. In this episode, we talk about mind reading, why it can cause c...

Hello everyone! In this episode, we welcome the fall and the stream of consciousness that it brings. We talk about all of the things you’d expect; pumpkin spiced lattes, our favorite holidays, seasonal affect disorder, the pitfalls of the modern medical institution, the responsibility we all have in facing our own personal suffering…you know, the usual! We thought we’d try a more free-roaming pace...

We all agree that fairness is an important ideal in so many areas of our lives. We seek fairness in our relationships, in human and civil rights, in our workplaces, among many other places. But is it achievable? What does it really look like? What is the cost of pursuing fairness, and what is the cost of not pursuing it? We try to distinguish the difference between equality and equity, and why the...

This week, we explore the topic of optimism and pessimism. We discuss whether we think they are inherent traits or learned frameworks, and how they might influence our decision making throughout our lives. Matt proposes that they each exist on separate spectra rather than sharing opposite ends of a single spectrum, and we introduce how it intersects with realism as well. When does optimism start t...

Perfectionism is something many of us struggle with, and for those of us who know it well, we know that it can create a lot of stress for us, and can feel heavy to carry in our day to day lives. In this week’s episode, we discuss perfectionism and where we think it comes from, as well as some of the psychological challenges it presents. We also tie it in with procrastination; Matt talks about some...

We're back! In this episode, we explore the topic of acceptance of oneself and how it influences our ability to accept others. Matt helps us explore what it means to "belong to yourself" and Gene questions where we really draw the line of the people we "are" and the people that we "want to" or feel we are "supposed to be." We discuss how our self talk in...

This week we tackle attachment styles, a big topic and one that we are both fascinated by! We discuss what attachment is on a basic level, what the different attachment styles are, and their origins as well as the behavior patterns that are characteristic of each style. We also talk about how those with insecure attachments might imagine moving to a more secure place, whether opposing insecure sty...

In this episode of the MindfulMess, Gene & Matt discuss emotional intelligence and empathy. What is it, and why is it important? How does it show up, and is it a nature or nurture phenomenon? We discuss the three different types of empathy and how they are expressed, and share some personal accounts of how we express and exercise emotional intelligence. We also ponder the intersection of emoti...

Welcome back! In a continuation of the Pride theme, Gene & Matt decide to share their coming out stories. In sharing these stories, we also touch on what a supportive reaction looks like to having someone come out to you, as well as whether there is a right or wrong time to come out. This episode is anecdotal so we’ll leave the show notes here and invite you to jump right into the conversation...

Happy Pride, girlies! This week, in anticipation of DC Gay Pride festivities, Gene & Matt discuss what Pride means to them. We talk about the significance of Pride as political activism, but also as a beacon of hope for young people, as well as a broader celebration of inclusion. Matt talks about some of the harmful effects of loved ones who “worry” for their queer friends and family, and high...

We’re back! After our break last week, Matt and Gene come together to discuss the topic of forgiveness and of letting things go. We try to first define what forgiveness is, and what it means to forgive. When is it appropriate to forgive, and who does it really benefit? Do forgiveness and letting go walk hand in hand, or are they actually separate actions? Is there a meaningful difference between l...

In this episode, we explore the idea of objectivity and subjectivity. We question the notion as to whether there is such a thing as true objectivity, and try to distinguish the idea of objectivity from social norms. We weigh the pros and cons of both ideas, and discuss whether they exist on opposite sides of a spectrum, or if they are more two sides of the same coin. Gene ponders whether a complet...

In Episode 10, we resume the conversation on identity - Gene opens the conversation by talking about how he categorizes the major facets of his identity, particularly his race and how his early family experiences influence his social behaviors even today. We discuss how our identities influence the way we form connections and relationships with others, for example seeking out those who are similar...

In Episodes 9 and 10, we explore notions of identity: what makes up our identity, and how do we think we form our identities? The topic of nature vs. nurture comes up, naturally (or nurturally? :P), and we talk about internal vs. external personas and how those might differ. This conversation also gets a little personal as we each share what the most significant aspects of our respective identitie...

Welcome to Episode 8, where we touch on the topic of vulnerability. Like boundaries, vulnerability is an important component to establishing and maintaining connection with others; Gene describes it as the “secret sauce” to deepening relationships. We contest the notion that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, and propose that it is actually one of the best demonstrations of courage. We ponder th...

In this episode, we branch out from the topic of relationships to discuss the importance of boundaries and communication. Boundaries are ways in which we sculpt and shape healthy relationships both with others and within ourselves, and communicate the need for mutual respect and psychological safety. We also notice the parallels between boundary styles and communication styles, and posit that sett...

Welcome to Episode 6, where we pick up our conversation about relationships! We kick things off by trying to debunk the idea that relationships always end in or because of failure, and to reframe challenges and conflicts in our relationships as experiences in which we learn more about ourselves and our relational identities. Gene ponders whether relationships can downgrade or transfer laterally in...

Hey listeners! In this episode of the MindfulMess, Gene & Matt are talking all about relationships. We talk about what relationships mean to us, the value they bring to our lives, and how we personally establish them. We describe how we think the deepening of relationships works for each of us, and how we evaluate the quality and nature of our relationships. Gene & Matt describe in their words wha...

In this episode, Gene & Matt take on the concept of intention vs. perception. We talk about how it can create rifts or misunderstandings in interpersonal communication, and why apologizing on account of intent may come across more as dismissive than reparative. We brainstorm other ways to approach those conversations to move to a place of aligned understanding and growth in our relationships. We d...

In this episode, Gene & Matt talk about feelings: emotions, sensations, and urges. What are feelings and why do we have them? How do they influence our thoughts and behaviors? How can we be aware of them in order to not let them cause negative impacts in our lives? And what lessons can we learn from them? Gene & Matt each share a little bit of their personal perspective on feelings and the role fe...

In this episode, Gene & Matt talk about values and belief systems. What are they? How do they influence our actions? Where do they come from? And can they be changed? Matt talks about the connection between mental health symptoms such as anxiety and depression, and how they could actually be a misalignment between one’s values and their behaviors. Gene talks a little about social anxiety, how...

Welcome to the MindfulMess! In this first episode, we take an unconventional approach, and pull you right into the middle of a conversation that centers around victimhood. What a topic to kick things off! Our chat begins by dipping into some of our own experiences with the negative consequences of tribe mentality in the LGBTQ+ community, and touches on topics of trauma as changeable storytelling a...

Welcome to the MindfulMess! This is our intro episode; we'll share with you a little bit about who we are, why we came together for this podcast, and what we hope to achieve together and with you, our audience. Thank you for joining us and thank you for listening! - Gene & Matt