The Luke and Pete Show

Fresh off the plane back from Vegas, Pete takes aim at the culinary crime scene that is Panda Express and regales us with tales of invisible man matches, and his new survival tool of choice: melatonin. Elsewhere, Luke delivers the brutal news about Chick-fil-A’s problematic past and the lads wonder why anyone cares what other people spend their money on. Plus, Pete narrowly avoids a risky duck blo...

Pete kicks things off with an identity crisis – he’s convinced he’s 34, and Luke has the unenviable task of breaking the news that he’s... absolutely not. Talk then turns to Pete’s upcoming WrestleMe Vegas trip and the truly chaotic prospect of a 120-man Royal Rumble. That’s a lot of sweaty bodies! Elsewhere, after a brief detour into 'The Slug', the lads debate where the line is drawn between har...

Today, Luke reflects on the pain of a joke that doesn't land with Gen Z — but insists it’s them, not him. He also shares the story of his Seven Sisters hike gone wrong, which left him injured and his wife unimpressed. Elsewhere, Pete reckons he might have worms after a week of dodgy meals — there’s always a gastrological problem with him isn’t there! The lads also dive into golf’s strangest tradit...

Today, Luke and Pete dive into the UK’s sugar tax and discover why Mexican Coke is far superior. Luke confesses he can’t stomach the punch of full-fat drinks anymore, unlike Pete, who’s mesmerised by the sheer amount of sugar he could consume — enough to make his liver beautifully sweet! Elsewhere, they reflect on how acting has improved since the 80s, with Pete arguing that we’re expecting way to...

Today, after Pete introduces us to the world of expat DJ channels, Luke is left wondering why some expats seem to loathe British culture — especially the ones who spend their days googling Sadiq Khan and eat only English food once they've moved to Spain. Luke wants absolutely nothing to do with it, so Pete offers up an alternative: life in a swamp, anyone? Plus, someone’s eating sunflower seeds wi...

Today, Luke and Pete tackle life’s big questions: how much money would it take to make them disappear forever? A hundred quid would sort one of them, apparently. And whose teeth would look better in whose mouth? Elsewhere, Pete reminisces about the time he got hench for a bit, before he pitches the idea of having entrance music in the office like a WWE star. We also wonder if Elon Musk has daddy i...

Happy Monday - it’s time for some more carefully curated nonsense. Luke recounts a bizarre standoff he had in Pret involving a truly odd policy #JusticeforMoore.  We also get into the latest internet controversy swirling around our beloved Pete and blast through plenty of emails - including a listener who writes to us a few minutes before his vasectomy, an update on Norwich’s cultural impact...

Pete's latest predicament: finding appropriate places to urinate. Mainly because he's drinking upwards of nine litres of water a day. We work out how best to tackle that and dissect the most terrifying brunch experience imaginable. Plus, batteries aplenty and fixing kids' computers in the local neighbourhood. Email us at  hello@lukeandpeteshow.com  or you can get in touch on X , Threads...

Today, Luke and Pete stumble upon a truly baffling real estate listing — a London flat with a full-size swimming pool directly above a Chinese takeaway. What could possibly go wrong? The lads weigh up the pros and cons of living beneath an indoor ocean and debate whether they’d take the plunge. Elsewhere, Luke is horrified to learn that Donny refuses to moisturise, while Pete shares his survival g...

Pete’s gearing up for a deeply inconvenient 5 a.m. Jet2 flight, and Luke isn’t holding back on how much of a terrible idea that is. This sends the lads down memory lane as they relive their school trip adventures — leading to Luke’s tale of a hellish coach trip to Switzerland. Elsewhere, they weigh in on Tesla’s latest embarrassment, Musk’s ongoing public meltdown, and why some people just don’t s...

Today, we take a deep dive into Switch Bitch — Roald Dahl’s surprisingly adult collection of short stories — while Pete grapples with his confusion, and slight heartbreak, over why Quentin Blake didn’t stay loyal to Roald. Elsewhere, Pete explores the bizarre world of pay-to-shoplift experiences in Japan, sparking a debate on whether fake theft really scratches the same itch. Plus, the lads weigh...

Today, Pete’s got a confession: years ago, he went to New York for a wedding but ended up battling a truly catastrophic case of constipation. Cue a desperate Walgreens enema purchase, a brutal two-and-a-half-week ordeal, and a story that Luke will not let him forget. Elsewhere, the lads dive into the misery of kitchen appliance repairs, with Luke recounting an awkward run-in with a deeply grumpy Z...

Luke wonders if he’s missing out on a lucrative career as a right-wing grifter, while Pete shares his latest YouTube algorithm nightmare — somehow featuring Bill Oddie discussing Jimmy Savile... Elsewhere, Pete reminisces about his childhood pet gerbils and the highly questionable method his dad used to control their ever-growing population. Plus, the lads revisit Pete’s infamous infant chip bowl...

Today, the guys tackle the moral dilemma of a man who saved 2.4 million babies with his blood donations — should he have charged for his life-saving plasma? Speaking of blood, Luke discusses the results of his recent at-home blood test, which, much to his delight, reveals an above-average testosterone level. Plus, the lads dive into the logistics of In the Night Garden Live after Pete boasts...

Today, Luke and Pete are all moustached up, comparing their freshly grown 'tashes to thatched roofs, and somehow spiral into the baffling logistics of maintaining a straw-covered house in 2025. Pete’s convinced today’s thatchers are just winging it... Then, the lads take a moment of silence for Skype before Luke gets absolutely ecstatic about the unexpected return of The Beta Band. Who knew he’d b...

Pete’s growing paranoia about the state of the world has him wondering if it’s time to start prepping with a lifetime supply of beans. Meanwhile, Luke’s more concerned about his mental decline — is he losing it, or is it just the menopause? Elsewhere, the lads take a deep dive into the baffling world of cosmetic procedures, from Turkey teeth to Botox, and debate whether they should get involved. P...

The lads are back, kicking things off with the internet fallout they got from the horrific childhood story Pete told last week — turns out, Luke got all the messages while Pete somehow dodged the interrogation. Meanwhile, an entirely different horror emerges: the concept of a piss drawer. Could Pete introduce one into his household? Luke has… concerns. Elsewhere, Pete reports back from a trip to K...

Luke encounters a mystery vandal targeting Lime bikes with an unusual weapon—vomit. Was it a protest? A bizarre art installation? Or just someone having a really bad night? The investigation begins. Elsewhere, the lads revisit the ridiculousness of pubs shutting down over noise complaints, Pete gets roasted for his chaotic outfit choices, and they discuss the bizarre social media presence of Gordo...

The lads kick things off with the great Nepo Baby debate—where does nepotism actually end, and is being the niece of Gruffalo author Julia Donaldson enough to count? This, naturally, leads to an important clarification: Pete is not related to Mr. Beast or any other famous Donaldsons. But today's real highlight? A listener email about a truly unexpected photo mix-up involving a leaky balcony repair...

Pete kicks things off with a deeply unsettling childhood memory—let’s just say it involves his dad, a used condom, and an innocent misunderstanding that still haunts him to this day. Luke, naturally, has many questions… Elsewhere, the lads tackle the great working-class dad salt obsession, and Pete recounts his trip to Hartlepool, where he received rockstar treatment at a retirement home just for...

The lads dive into the absurdity of modern reality TV, breaking down the viral Temptation Island moment where one man, Montoya, processes betrayal through a mix of heartbreak and deeply unnecessary cardio. Luke and Pete marvel at the sheer spectacle but can’t help but wonder—what have we done to ourselves as a society? Beyond that, they find time to dissect the Super Bowl halftime show, and a list...

The lads kick off with their favourite internet cesspit—Nextdoor—where NIMBYs reign supreme, complaining about everything from faint giggles to morally questionable pub patrons. This sets Luke off on a raging rant about a recent article exposing how noise complaints are slowly strangling London’s nightlife. And just when you think they’ve had enough internet for one day, they dive headfirst into t...

Luke reimagines Glastonbury, wondering why they’ve never done a live show there—until the conversation spirals into a full-blown business plan for a festival burger van. Speaking of food, Pete shares the tale of a very moist ostrich fillet he unearthed from the depths of his fridge, before revealing his wild lunch—trust us, you’ll never guess what he ate! Plus, of course, the lads can’t resist tak...

The lads kick things off with a deep dive into the world of shameless grifters, debating why right-wing outrage merchants always seem to dominate online algorithms. Is Andrew Tate just projecting? And why is Ben Shapiro so obsessed with Barbie? Plus, Pete recounts his bizarre late-night encounter in a Soho public toilet… because, let’s be honest, it’s always Pete that finds himself in these situat...

Should the lads start wearing makeup? Luke thinks he always looks sickly on camera, while Pete suggests a few injections might do the trick. If that fails, he’s considering tattooing his hairline instead. Elsewhere, Pete lays out his very specific travel MO: dawdling, dinner, and—most importantly—an ungodly hotel bathroom session upon arrival. Then, Luke adits he's surprised Pete's never late, but...