The Lonely Stoner Chronicles

Send a text I fucked up and completely forgot to upload last week’s episode. My bad guys. This episode is a follow up from my Story Time episode. No we didn’t fight, nothing crazy happened. So if you’re looking for that kind of drama I ain’t got it. 

Send a text I’ve recently discovered that I don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I want attention and great cunnilingus, followed up by analingus. This is my reality. I regret nothing!

Send a text  Nothing sobers you up, or dries out some pussy faster than an insecure bird bitch accusing you of wanting her man. BITCH! No one wants your fuckin man except you! Me!?! The woman whose been single for YEARS. Faack owf mate! Yuck!

Send a text Would you pay for sex? If you had the funds to be able to pay to play, would you? Could you?  I'm down. Why the fuck not? I'm curious to know what you all think about it.

Send a text You I had to come back with an update on my horse hooves. They have been dealt with and are back to human form. All jokes aside, I gotta do better.

Send a text I had no idea how bad my feet were. I promise to never let them get like this again! Sweet baby Jesus these joints are fuckin mangled!!

Send a text I think the title is pretty self explanatory, don’t you?

Send a text Question. Could you survive years in jail and/or prison? I’d like to think that I could. The reality is that I’m not built for that life.

Send a text Another variant... Grrrreat. I'm so ready for the aliens to abduct me like those people from that Unsolved Mysteries show. If I'm being honest, it's winter. I wasn't planning on leaving my house that much in the first fuckin place. I'm not built for outside in  the winter.

Send a text It popped into my head, and I thought I might make an episode out of it. It made sense at the time.

Send a text I absolutely HATE moving. No more, never again. This episode I’m merely ranting about how much I detest moving. I just moved and until I get my spot fully furnished there will be an echo, please bear with me.

Send a text Look guys, I’m actually talking about pooping. So if you have a weak disposition please do yourself a favour and don’t listen. It’s all about the poops today.

Send a text There has been a lot going on behind the scenes. I’m grateful to see the positive changes in my mental health, and personal development. Who knew that all it would take was for my building to catch fire and a pandemic to cause a shift for the better?

Send a text I just discovered my voice, and ion like dat! Let’s talk about it over some high grade.

Send a text We do what we must to look good. I am currently dying a slow death via gym equipment.

Send a text I play chill, but deep down I’m the cheesiest hopeless romantic. Seeing people in love gives me a natural high that I never want to come down from.

Send a text I feel like a lot of my fellow sisters are using porn as a template for what sex is supposed to be. In case no one told, it’s not love. It’s not. It can be used as a point of reference to some degree (and I say this very loosely), but it most certainly is NOT a step by step ‘How To’ manual.

Send a text What’s not to love about food though? Please don’t invite me if there isn’t food, or if you have no intention of feeding me. Nothing is better than a Stoner concoction of whatever. It slaps every time!

Send a text Interpret the title as you see fit my Stoner friends.

Send a text I think I can speak for all migraine sufferers when I say that migraines can go back to the fiery pits of hell from whence it came! Am I right? Or am I right?

Send a text Like wtf is vertigo anyway? Like what fresh hell is this?! So at random my body gets to act like it’s drunk without any of the fun parts? Disrespectful!

Send a text This particular episode is for the ladies. You can listen if you want to men, just know it’s at your own expense… Now that the disclaimer is out, let’s talk. Ladies it’s Shark Week, how do you deal? Rest assured I’m not doing well. Not one f@&$ing bit!

Send a text How do we feel about fellatio? Do we love it? Do we hate it? Is it a means to an end or what? Frankly, I love it! Tune in to hear my thoughts on the matter.