The Lonely Stoner Chronicles

Send a text Guys!!! If you haven’t started watching these B,C, and D list movies you’re missing out big time!!!  No but seriously… you’re missing out.

Send a text ATTENTION!!!! All sandwich makers near and far. This is for you guys!

Send a text It’s 2023… Yay!!! *insert unenthusiastic and highly sarcastic facial expression* New year’s for me starts on my birthday. This January 1st shit is for the birds. Let’s get this shit over then…

Send a text Celebrating my 72nd episode today!! Shoutout to all my listeners! I love you guys!!!

Send a text I’m all about women and girl power and shit, but some of you are fuckin annoying.  And if you keep acting up I’ll send my homies to take your man. Fuck around and find out.

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Send a text Throw it all away. You’ll feel better… Seriously.

Send a text  I swear if I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all. Meh... I'm sure a month or so from now I can look back on this moment and laugh. Until then, I'm salty as FUCK.  *Rolling my eyes, ashes spliff*

Send a text A short, but sweet episode of me questioning my own sanity.

Send a text A rant strictly for my ladies because... Why?

Send a text This episode is pretty much a public service announcement. If any of my loved ones pass away I will NOT be letting certain people into the funeral ceremony. If you didn't fuck with my people in life I most certainly will NOT let you show up to fake fuck with them in death. Simple.

Send a text It's me. I'm animals. Don't give me food unless you're trying to be my friend, or else you will have a stage 3 stalker on your hands. I'm in it for the food. That is all.

Send a text Let us mourn the passing of summer together.  Except you summer everyday people. I say that with love, but still... You can come if you want. Just know that you're not really invited.

Send a text Show hands, how many of you have been disrespected the IPhone camera? Let's talk about it.

Send a text I swear I can't make this shit up. It's comical now.

Send a text These homeless people who roam around, yelling at parked cars, or yelling at nothing altogether kinda fascinate me. I'm curious to know what kind of drugs they're on. 

Send a text I think the title is pretty self explanatory. If not I'm definitely talking shit as per usual, and it involves the queen. 

Send a text Yo!... Fam... I can't even!! Ladies, I found a fuckin CHIN HAIR!!! AHHHH!!! What in the actual fuck is going on in this world?!  Tell me I'm not alone, please.

Send a text This is the first of many first, and possibly last, dates I'll be on since I've decided to come out of my bat cave to "put myself out there". *Insert suspicious face emoji*  You all get to come along for the ride. The good, the bad, and the absolute bullshit  of it all. Welcome to the gong show! 

Send a text First and foremost. Men, this episode is not for you. Listen at your own risk if you want to, just know you've been warned. I got y'all on the next one. Promise!!! Ok now ladies... I KNOW I'm not the only one whose pussy is trying to play them hard body. Listen, and be fake angry with me about this bullshit! Lol!!

Send a text This episode is strictly for the stoners who need space to vent and a word...  If you are happy and in good spirits that's great! It's better than great actually, and I wish you all nothing but the best!  This episode is for all of my stoner friends trying to pull themselves out the mud baybee! We're gonna be alright. P.S. Don't fret. I'll be back on my bullshi...

Send a text MAAAH!!! MAAAAAAH!!!!?

Send a text Ladies, is there some type of pheromone that our bodies only emit after 30 that brings the boys to the yard? I need to know because the amount of young 20 something mother fuckers approaching me lately is on the rise. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Send a text No explanation, just listen.

Send a text Honestly... I love driving fast. Something about driving over the speed limit makes it a bit of a turn on, while also comforting the rage within.