The Lonely Road Podcast

February 2013 was about stepping back into life—but realising it isn’t always that simple. In this chapter, I return to work for the first time since my diagnosis, reconnect with my team, and try to find a sense of normality again. From custody duties to familiar banter, it felt like I hadn’t been away—but underneath, things had changed. This episode also explores the tougher moments. A hospital v...

Christmas and New Year should have been a time to celebrate—but cancer doesn’t take a holiday. From missing out on simple things like a drink at Christmas, to the emotional weight of leaving 2012 behind, this chapter reflects the quieter challenges of recovery. In this episode, I share my first hospital appointment of 2013—where I was told the words I’d been waiting for: I could go back to work. A...

December 2012. My stag do, a weekend in Weymouth, and one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever had. From laughs, alcohol, and chaos to fear, anger, and facing mortality—this episode captures it all, just months after my diagnosis.

Seven weeks after my diagnosis, I finally felt like I was making progress. My treatment was working, and for the first time, I was given a break from hospital appointments—something that felt like a huge win. But recovery isn’t just about the physical side. In this episode, I talk about missing work, meeting my Guvnor Dave Bowers, and being reminded not to rush back. I also share the reality of bo...

In this episode, I break down my cancer journey into five raw emotions: Fight, Fear, Fairness, Hate & Anger, and Acceptance. When I was first diagnosed, my instinct was to fight — to beat it. But you can’t fight forever. Eventually, you get tired. Fear followed: fear of dying, fear of lifelong treatment, fear that my dream of becoming a police officer was over. Then came the “why me?” stage — the...

During one of the hardest chapters of my life, when most days were spent on the sofa with a cuppa and box sets, golf became part of my recovery. Out on the course with my mate Tom — and occasionally Stevo — I found space to talk honestly about fear, illness and mental health. Tom was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at eighteen. Fit and active, he was suddenly given life-changing news — but he didn’...

This episode is all about those little moments that kept me sane during the madness of October 2012. From lunch catch-ups in Richmond Park with my skipper-turned-good-mate Marc, to a curry night that ended early (thanks nausea and no booze), and hospital updates that made me realise this illness was going to run the show for a while. I share how I coped with the ups and downs — like awkward bus ri...

So, here’s a classic “Only bloody Kiwi” moment — I accidentally took half the dose of my Hydroxycarbamide meds for two weeks without realising. In this episode, I walk you through those early hospital visits at Hammersmith, the awkward “How have you been?” chats with doctors, and the “Oops, sorry Doc” moment when the mistake came out. I’ll share the fun side too — like curry nights in my bedroom w...

Leaving hospital should feel like relief — but for me, it marked the moment everything became real. In this chapter, I talk about being discharged after my diagnosis, the mix-ups, the medication that would now keep me alive, and the quiet weight that followed me out of the hospital doors. I reflect on my parents, the guilt, the fear, and the moment it truly hit me that this was not a short battle...

Up until this point, I’d been coping the only way I knew how — humour, sarcasm, and pretending I was fine. But there comes a moment where you can’t keep laughing, and you can’t keep ignoring how you really feel. In this episode of The Lonely Road, I talk about the night I stopped being strong and reached out to Macmillan Cancer Support. About reading a simple leaflet that gave me clarity, structur...

In this episode of The Lonely Road, I face two things I never expected to deal with while seriously ill in hospital freezing my sperm… and being weirdly excited about a machine that looks like it belongs in Star Trek. Before starting treatment, I’m sent to the Andrology unit to freeze what I quickly nickname Kiwi’s Little Soldiers. Cue a wheelchair ride, dark police humour, and a care package from...

Episode 10 takes you inside one of the most surreal days of my cancer journey. From being examined by a Professor and a group of nervous medical students — apparently my enlarged spleen was “textbook” — to turning my diagnosis into a very blunt classroom discussion, this episode blends dark humour with uncomfortable reality. I then talk openly about the bone marrow biopsy I’d been dreading: the pa...

The ward fills with visitors — friends, family, colleagues — and I find myself retelling the same story over and over, slowly learning to say the word cancer out loud. Explaining it to others somehow helps me cope, even as fear sits just beneath the surface and a looming bone marrow biopsy hangs over the weekend. Nights are the hardest, when the ward goes quiet and my thoughts drift to mortality,...

A warm welcome on an NHS ward contrasts sharply with the weight of what I’m about to be told. In a surprisingly “posh” hospital room, I’m diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia — a condition that once meant a death sentence, but now comes with hope, medication, and a future. This episode captures fear, dark humour, misplaced optimism about Scout camp, and the moment a nurse simply says the words...

A hospital transfer, a cannula in my arm, and a phone call that briefly made me forget where I was — even as I faced the possibility of leukaemia. A joke about missing Scout camp, a decision to fight, and an unexpected moment of kindness from a stranger on a minibus through London. This episode is about humour, human connection, and the words that stay with you long after they’re spoken.

Episode 6 takes place in the waiting — the ward between answers. Surrounded by strangers fighting their own battles, I spend a restless night coming to terms with uncertainty, kindness from nurses, and conversations you never expect to have with people you’ve only just met. This episode explores the strange community of a hospital ward, the contrasts between holding onto life and wanting to let go...

Episode 5 is the moment everything changes. After what feels like reassurance, doctors return with a different tone — and blood results that can’t be ignored. My white blood cell count is dangerously high, and suddenly the words leukaemia and lymphoma are on the table. This episode captures the shock of hearing life-altering news, the instinct to fight before fear can catch up, and the impossible...

Episode 4 of The Lonely Road drops me into Charing Cross A&E under police escort, surrounded by doctors, machines, and words I don’t yet understand. What follows is a haze of pain, fear, dark humour, and medical decisions being made around me rather than with me. As possibilities are discussed and needles get bigger, the reality of not knowing what’s wrong starts to hit. This episode captures vuln...

Episode 3 reflects on the day I collapsed at work—and the shock of a moment that forced everything to stop. This episode isn’t about drama, but about what happens when your body intervenes before your mind is ready to listen. It marks a turning point on The Lonely Road. The next episode continues with my arrival at Charing Cross Hospital.

In Episode 2 of The Lonely Road Podcast, I share the background behind The Lonely Road and the context in which it was written. I also offer a brief clarification around my drinking during that time, being clear and responsible about what that period did—and did not—look like. This episode is about setting the foundation, providing transparency, and moving forward with shared understanding

Welcome to The Lonely Road Podcast. In this first episode, I share why this podcast exists—and who it’s for. Loneliness isn’t always loud or dramatic. Most of the time, it’s quiet. It shows up in the spaces between who we were and who we’re becoming. In this episode, I talk about those in-between moments, the ones we don’t often have language for, and why presence matters more than answers. I intr...