The Lives in the Balance Podcast

On today's program, we discussed one of the ways in which Plan B can go off the rails: adults entering Plan B with a preordained solution. Remember, a mutually satisfactory is one that addresses the concerns of both parties, not the solution the adult had envisioned before initiating Plan B.

Today we heard from a mom whose son hadn't had an explosion in months, and then -- when a video game didn't pan out as he'd hoped -- it got ugly. So we talked a little about the up side of blips, including the fact that we all have 'em.

Lots of territory covered on today's program, including some guidance for a mom from overseas who's hoping an IEP will get the folks at school to solve problems collaboratively with her son. 

At the age of 26, he isn't explosive anymore...but he took the time to call in to today's program -- the 200th segment of Parenting Your Challenging Child -- to tell us about his journey and remind us all of why we do what we do.

If Kids do well if they can is true, then why would a kid behave perfectly at school and be a lot more difficult at home? Answers to that question and others are provided....

Are you setting limits when you're doing Plan B? Of course! You're setting limits whenever you're working collaboratively with kids on unmet expectations...and doing it collaboratively is far more productive than doing it unilaterally.

Lots of territory covered, as usual, on today's program...but we started off with good reasons to keep a log of incompatibility episodes: if you don't identify specific unsolved problems, then those episodes become one big blob (defined as a shapeless mass)...you can't solve problems unless you know what they are, and that's the first step in getting rid of the blob.

What do you do when you can't sling your 15-year old over your shoulder anymore during meltowns? Solve those problems collaboratively and proactively. But that's not the only question that was answered during today's program.

Some great phone discussions today...we received an update from an old friend about a kid we've known for years, helped a mom try to extract more information from her adolescent daughter, and revisited the can't versus won't debate (which shouldn't be a debate at all anymore)...

Parents sometimes behave in ways that they then regret. What to do afterward? Plan B. What to do beforehand? Plan B. Does a psychiatric or special education label move things along? Not when it comes to identifying lagging skills and unsolved problems.  

On this, our first program of fall, 2016, Dr. Greene and Susy responded to lots of questions, including several about how to use Plan B on problems causing conflict between siblings.

If you're using the CPS model, does that mean you no longer have expectations for a child?  Goodnesss, no.  You can't parent without expectations; you can't have influence without expectations. How you respond when your child is having difficulty meeting your expectations...well, that's where Plan B comes in real handy.

We adults are a whole lot better at noticing behaviors we don't like in our kids than we are at identifying expectations the kids is having difficulty meeting...and that's the hard part in wording unsolved problems. Fortunately, help is provided!

If you're solving problems proactively, does that help you out if you're stuck in the heat of the moment? This and lots of other questions answered on today's program!

What are the characteristics of a good school for a behaviorally challenging kid? You'll have to listen to the program to find out. And that's not all that was discussed on today's program... 

As always, lots of territory covered with our callers on today's program...but we began with an article from the Huffington Post about a mom who demonstrated great empathy for her son in the midst of Plan A. The big question: why didn't she do Plan B instead?

As always, lots of territory covered on today's program, with numerous repeat callers, and also a dad who's found his son described perfectly in the diagnostic criteria for Pathological Demand Avoidance...as usual, he was encouraged to dig even further to understand the factors contributing to his son's difficulties.

All callers on today's program...one parent struggling with getting the ball rolling on solving problems collaboratively, another facing unique challenges along the way, and still another providing an update on where things are at three years in. 

How do you recharge your batteries when your behaviorally challenging kid has you completely tapped out? New lenses can help; someone who understands can help, too. But nothing tops seeing things moving in the right direction.

Yes, the title of this program might have thrown you off, but if kids are having difficulty expressing their concerns in the Empathy step of Plan B, Dr. Greene's five finger method is worth knowing about. And you can learn about it in his responses to today's callers...

As usual, lots of territory covered on today's program, including a discussion about an increasingly known psychiatric diagnosis, Pathological Demand Avoidance.  And, as usual, Dr. Greene wasn't shy in pointing out the limitis of psychiatric disorder, PDA included.

Sometimes kids with behavioral challenges are understood at school and get the help they need...sometimes not so much. On today's program, we heard from two moms who are having a "not so much" experience...

Lots of territory covered on today's program, including some discussion of the age levels at which the CPS model is appropriate (we can't think of any at which it's not)...but we began by discussion whether letting kids "hit rock bottom" is the best way to solve the problems that are causing them to hit rock bottom in the first place. The answer won't surprise you...

Yes, Kids do well if they can is the most important theme of the CPS model...but what if your child's definition of "doing well" differs from yours? 

What's the best thing to do in the heat of moment? Defuse, De-escalate, and keep everyone safe. And then start solving the problems that are causing things to get heated up in the moment,..once they're solved, you won't be in the heat of the moment anymore.