The life of a Third Culture Kid therapist

How many of us have been confronted with the question, "Is being a Third Culture Kid a good thing?" It's a question that feels to me to miss the point - and in this episode I explore why, and how we can better understand our traits and tendencies with nuance. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As TCKs, many of us are aware of the nature of our representational or ambassador identities growing up. In this episode I explore how this early experience of identity by association could be impacting the choices around friendship or relationships we may be making in our adult lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In January, many of us are reflecting on various ways to improve ourselves. In this episode I'm exploring how often I hear TCKs struggling with the need to be extraordinary, and the fear of identities more mundane. I'll share my observations about what's going on here, and a poem I wrote today, on the Forbidden Fruit of being Ordinary. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Who is the narrator of your story? And is the voice a critical or demanding one? Or is it on the hero's side? In this episode I explore the impact and power of our narrative voices, and explore what these voices could sound like. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I loved this phrase I heard last week, "frivolous identity" - and wanted to explore it here with you. I've often pondered the way we manage an internal hierarchy of our many identities and this phrase put it's finger on a theme I see come up a lot! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How many Third Culture Kids are busy deconstructing our stories? Or working to build identities from what often feel like disparate fragments? In this episode I'm pondering my own relationship with making and creating, and what it can do for us! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some feedback from last episode on purpose and TCKs really brought home to me another challenge faced by many TCKs around purpose - which this episode attempts to do justice to. How do we navigate our own values when we've not been told stories of values, just observable differences? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've been avoiding this episode - partly because I'm feeling how incredibly important it is. How does the experience of being a TCK interact with our purpose-seeking? And what do we do about it? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Taking pause in this episode, a moment to notice, acknowledge and celebrate how far we've come! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Time! How does the Third Culture Kid experience impact our sense of time? It's often said TCKs are somewhat allergic to the 10 year plan - but why? And what about the impact on how we do relationships? Join me in this week's ponderings - I'd love to hear your thoughts too! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How many of us learnt that we could 'make ourselves safe' by offering certain behaviours - compliance, being a good listener, being 'interesting'? In this episode I'm exploring what we may have learnt we could expect back, if we could just find the offering to provide - the contracts we have entered into with our behaviours. "If I'm this, then you will be that" the rule goes. Except when the other...

What about the characters in our story that we struggle to find a place for? The people whose languages we've maybe lost but who cared for us as children, worked in our homes or with our parents; these are pivotal points of attachment safety for us. In this episode I explore the limits of attachment theory for TCKs, where it is getting delightfully expanded, and how we can honour attachment figure...

Money! What's it got to do with the Third Culture Experience? Between complex juxtapositions between wealth experiences between countries, modelled standards and shapes of living, expectations around meaningful employment - quite a lot! I wanted to spend some time here on this because it does come up in my work with TCKs, and my own life too, and feels an important element to understand in our sto...

In this meandering episode, I'm observing how the practice of imagining feasible alternate realities can benefit us. Sometimes called re-scripting, working with feasible alternative realities is about recognising when we are so busy accommodating (or trying to manage the outcome of) others' decisions, that we shoulder the emotional work to excess. When we imagine feasible alternative realities to...

"Who am I?" is a question that Third Culture Kids agonise over, and I've observed some patterns here - that we often focus on the 'big identities', the ones that give meaning and purpose on a global scale, as we've been taught to. And there is nothing wrong with that. But I ponder here about the degree to which this identities are often socially framed - who am I... to others, the world? And I inv...

"If I make life work here, then I'm committing to being here forever". Versions of this statement is something I hear so often in my work with Third Culture Kids, and so this episode spends some time looking at how hard it is for us to invest in the here and now... when this implies so much letting go of other options and opportunities. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guilt - that horrible twisting feeling in our gut that so often shows up, unbidden and unwelcome. As awkward as it is, today I'm digging into what can trigger this in TCK stories especially, and how we can bring understanding and context to this sensation - and recognise it as something beyond a simple indicator we've done something 'wrong'. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more informat...

Are you confused by how you think about your own worth? Maybe one part of you feel like you have things to offer, that you have value to add, but another feels like you can't quite believe the idea you matter to other people... Third Culture Kids often experience this paradox - "I am someone, but I'm not someone to others". I explore this experience here as tension between experiences of intrinsic...

I'm noticing how many of us TCKs are struggling to set boundaries without feeling the need to build a case of moral justification - our own feelings and needs don't seem to be 'enough' to allow us to say, "No". Here I'm exploring what might be going on, the potential impact of this, and how important it is to listen out for this in our narratives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more in...

I'm in a season of decluttering... and my TCK self is happily familiar with how soothing it feels to streamline. So many of us get anxious at the accumulation of stuff (however will it all fit in my suitcase?!) but I'm a lover of things. What I'm seeing through is how important it is for my material surroundings to remind me of WHO I am. This episode looks at how this can get complicated with comp...

"I saw the signs... and I went there anyway!" I hear this so often, and it's such a familiar cry of my own heart too. We are often admonished to 'watch out for the red flags' but I'm wondering how much this is the relevant issue. Here I'm exploring what can lead TCKs to be especially vulnerable to seeing the warning signs of incompatible behaviours or values, and going there anyway. I'm also shari...

In this episode, I'm pondering associations between changes and endings. In my story recently, I realised my needs had changed and the impact this was having around my book club involvement. I quickly assumed that acknowledging this change would initiate an ending, a quitting and loss around community. But what if changes could be integrated into a new chapter? A story edited rather than lost? Hos...

What are the implications of a life lived in adaptation? One of them seems to be a familiarity with discomfort! This can impact different TCKs different ways - some of us get super sensitive to challenge, over-saturated as we have been in early chapters. Some of us identify so much with challenge that we continue to seek it out in our adult lives. Either reaction may be working with an acclimatisa...

Today I'm reflecting on coming home. As TCKs, we can often develop sensitivities and strategies for managing the leaving experiences of our lives, but I'm noticing an area I want to work on - returning. I know leaving, do I know how to return? Turns out I didn't handle my most recent return brilliantly, so this episode is walking through that experience with you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/pri...

So I messed up the timing of this one! Got all organised, and recorded before going away last week on holiday - then never scheduled it to post! So it's going out this week instead :) In this episode I ponder something that comes up a lot - with TCKs and in general discourse - the Selfie! I'm always fascinated when we have a resistance against something, and I wanted to explore this as something t...