The Feminine Critique Podcast

So, like, Lacey Chabert is a baker and her boyfriend is a CEO and like, guys, they’re totally not right for each other but only Santa Claus himself can see that. So, like, Santa Claus stops everything to make sure the CEO rekindles his love with a high school sweetheart played by Buffy’s Amy the Witch (in human, not rat form) while Florence Henderson, Lin Shaye, and John Ratzenburger do everything...

Pour a LOT of wine for this one. Daphne Zuniga is a SUPER ambitious lawyer who despises all things not super ambitious and lawyer-y, like soccer moms and the suburbs. YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SHE MEETS MAGICAL FAYE DUNAWAY. Well, unless you’ve watched a bunch of movies where a character gets a life swap and sees what happens if she made a different decision and has a family. SPOILER AL...

Hop on the Hallmark train yet again to the quaint town of Cookie Jar (seriously), where Emily makes a pit stop to talk about 2016’s wild new ride, Christmas Cookies. It’s about a town that makes cookies. And an ambitious corporate something woman who might DESTROY it. Unless a hot guy keeps hitting on her until she is worn down and finds a way to save the factory, save the cookies, and save Christ...

If you’ve often fantasized about Alicia Witt playing Jim Carrey in Liar Liar, then this is the podcast for you. Emily continues her trudge through the gooey floor of Hallmark with I’m Not Ready for Christmas. It’s…a movie. On the Hallmark Channel. You know the rest.

If you’re wondering who, it’s not Sidney Poitier. It’s not even Nick Lachey. It’s his brother, who was also in 98 Degrees, and who is not quite up to the same acting level as Sidney Poitier. Anyway, Emily watched the Up! channel’s Guess Who’s Coming to Christmas and now you have to listen to it. So there.

On this very special episode, Christine and Emily are joined by very special guest star Jason Fozzie Bare Nelson to talk (for a while) all things The Neon Demon, Beaches, and Patrick Wilson’s eye cream ritual. Warning: we do talk in depth about The Neon Demon and go all in with spoilers. Also, we have a few audio hiccups in the early part of the show, but it’s mostly resolved by the end. Suffer th...

Do you hear what I hear? Public domain holiday songs playing over montages, black pumps stomping through Canadian conference rooms to make deals that will destroy small town diners, the bells of Santa Claus…that’s right, it’s the Christmas season and here at the Feminine Critique, that means one thing: STOCKING STUFFERS. These are mini-episodes that tackle those gloriously vanilla love stories fou...

Twins and cowboys, come on down. On this October edition of The Feminine Critique, Christine and Emily tackle two festival favorites from 2015. First up is the double deputy-filled Bone Tomahawk. We move eastward with Goodnight Mommy, which we talk about in HEAVY DETAIL. In other words, we spoil the hissing cockroach out of it, so please please please please PLEASE, stop listening if you haven’t s...

It’s the Great Pumpkin King, Everett McGill! On this McGillastic episode, Christine and Emily tackle 1985’s Silver Bullet and 1991’s The People Under Stairs. Apologies in advance for some mucky audio, but we can only do so much. We’re not holy werewolves or inbred landlords, you know. If your ears can handle it, have a listen and come share your thoughts over at The Feminine Critique Facebook page...

It’s the official “fancy modern apartment buildings conceived in the 1970s are evil” episode as Christine and Emily tackle David Cronenberg’s film debut Shivers (aka They Came From Within) and Ben Wheatley’s adaptation of J.G. Ballard’s High-Rise. Drink every time the phrase “sex zombie” is said, and then pass out. When you wake up, come and tell us your thoughts over at our Facebook group or on T...

Christine and Emily return from their summer sorta hiatus with two Lori Petty filled films. First up is her 2008 directorial debut, The Poker House, starring a teenager named Jennifer Lawrence who seems to have some potential. We follow that up by going back in time but forward in movie time to 1995’s cult classic Tank Girl, directed by Rachel Talalay, who earns about a dozen bonus points for havi...

Welcome to this super occult and horse-stomping heavy episode, where Christine humors Emily on a trip back through memory lane for 1990’s The First Power and Emily humors Christine’s weird fascination with 2008’s Blood Creek. There’s also a lot of discussion about how teenagers are the worst. Agree with us via our Facebook group or on Twitter @femininepodcast. Also, stay away from Nazi horses and...

Mix up a batch of Galaxy Glue with a dose of Sex Pot perfume, pour into a syringe, and inject that magic into your own behind to prepare for this very special little episode. First up is Joel Schumacher’s 1981 debut, The Incredible Shrinking Woman starring Lily Tomlin and a lot of loud noises. We follow that up with Joe Dante’s Innerspace. Also on the docket: lots of talk about RuPaul’s Drag Race...

Summon a few vengeful spirits and join us on this spoooooooooky installment as Christine and Emily tackle Rob Zombie’s The Lords of Salem and newcomer Ted Geoghegan’s We Are Still Here. We gently spoil both, but give fair warning and never get too specific about the details. Also of note: lots of talk regarding RuPaul’s Drag Race, because why not? Share your own thoughts over at our Facebook group...

Journey back with the ladies to a simpler time, a time when cocaine ruled the night and hair gel ruled the day. On this very hedonistic episode, Christine and Emily cover Mary Harron’s 2000 adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis’s controversial novel American Psycho, pairing it with Gregor Jordan’s lesser known and loved 2008 adaptation of The Informers. Much kidnapping and missed vampires ensue. Come di...

The ladies go back in time to cover Hitchcock's Rebecca and The Archers' I Know Where I'm Going!

If you like hand-eating jewelry boxes, non-rapey hospital orderlies, and bad math, then boy is this the episode for you! After an inevitable indictment of the V/H/S series, Christine and Emily dive in back to the start of the ‘90s to see if the cultural icon that is Pretty Woman holds up to 2016 eyes. Up next is John Carpenter’s (sigh) 2010 output, The Ward. We do talk heavily about its ending, bu...

Do you read Sutter Cane? Because Sam Neill does. And it’s a pretty good bet that Billy Zane does too. When you’re stuck in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with nothing but Nicole Kidman and a terrible dog, these things happen. As you probably guessed, Christine and Emily are tackling 1989’s Dead Calm and 1994’s In the Mouth of Madness. Also, The Darkest Hour is terrible and you shouldn’t waste you...

Spells! Puritans! Butter! It’s a witchtastic episode as Christine and Emily sign the devil’s book, don pretty frocks, and rap their way through 1989’s Teen Witch and 2016’s The W(VV)itch. Fair warning, we do go into fairly substantial depth with the latter and discuss many spoilers, so you’re better off flying your broomstick over to your nearest theater before listening to the second half. Unless...

Put up your dukes and maybe your life for this very aggressive episode. It starts with Karyn Kusama’s 2000 film debut Girlfight, a Sundance champion that marked the start of Michelle Rodriguez’s career. Next up is 2013’s Raze, starring the cast of Death Proof and a lot of sweatpants. We apologize for a few technical glitches, which include such hits as “Emily doesn’t understand the mute button,” “...

Back when she had two arms and a full head of hair, Charlize Theron co-starred in a little film called Reindeer Games. And we watched it. Also up is 2015’s Dark Places, the most recent adaptation of a Gillian Flynn novel. We actually manage to avoid spoiling either film, so fear not…if you had that fear. Share your thoughts on these films and the 937 others that we discuss via our Facebook group o...

Point your toes and attack it! It’s our super-sized ballet extravaganza, with special guest star Jason Fozzie Nelson and a LOT of headbands. First up is The Archers’ 1948 classic The Red Shoes, featuring lots of dancing and velvet. Up next is 1985’s film adaptation of Broadway’s A Chorus Line, a movie near and dear to two out of three hearts. Come share your love (or hatred) of the dance over at o...

And on the last day of Christmas, my true love brought to me an ABC Family Channel/WWE Studios co-production about bounty hunting, bland love interests, and sassy sidekicks sporting big earrings. That’s right: just because it stars The Miz doesn’t mean it’s not your standard made-for-TV Christmas movie. Christine and Emily hope you enjoyed December’s stocking stuffer series and will return with mo...

Cats! It’s a Hallmark Christmas movie with cats! Also, Brandon Routh. More importantly, CATS! Naturally, this is a solo Emily joint, since Christine is allergic. Happy holidays!

From the director of Christmas Under Wraps comes yet another holiday love story about a career-driven woman who falls in love with a less career-driven man in a movie with the word “Wrap” in its title! Do you need to know more?