The ENM DNM

Adam and Leonie are back on their phones, scrolling through non-monogamy Reels and giving their honest (and sometimes very strong) opinions on what they find. It kicks off a proper chat about the difference between rules, agreements, boundaries, standards and expectations, and why mixing these words up causes so much confusion in ENM relationships. They also get into consent, the messy bits of com...

Adam and Leonie kick off by talking about Wet on Wellington, the gay sauna in Melbourne they've visited as a space to hang out, relax and chat with mates. But this episode quickly moves beyond one venue to a bigger conversation: what do event organisers actually owe the people who pay to come? They dig into consent, vetting, safeguarding and scaling, the gaps they've noticed in how sex-on-premises...

In this Kink Corner episode, Adam and Leonie sit down with Barefoot Juliette to talk all things Shibari, the Japanese rope art that's part performance, part intimacy practice, part mindfulness. Juliette walks us through her own origin story: from a lockdown squirting workshop to discovering rope, what it feels like to tie (versus being tied), and why Shibari became such a deep practice for her. We...

In this episode, Adam and Leonie are joined by Ari to attempt something brave, foolish and probably impossible: making sense of some of the terms people use in ENM and non-monogamy. From ENM, CNM and NM to relationship anarchy, monogamish, hierarchy and whatever relationship libertarianism is meant to be, they unpack the words, the assumptions behind them, and why definitions are rarely as simple...

In this episode, Adam and Leonie open up the Dear ENM DNM inbox after someone writes in about a very familiar ENM problem: the calendar. They talk through a situation involving nesting, shifting plans, rotating rosters, and what happens when “our time” keeps being moved in the name of flexibility. The conversation gets into quality time, resentment, autonomy, agreements, and the difference between...

In this episode, Adam and Leonie move from canine chaos and accidental innuendo into a bigger conversation about dating, ghosting and what happens when connection does not quite land the way we hoped. After Leonie shares the emotional comedown of two promising connections going quiet, the conversation opens up around ghosting, mixed signals, therapy-speak, emotional responsibility and the differen...

In this episode, Adam and Leonie turn the mic on themselves and unpack what it’s actually like to date them. From communication styles and emotional needs to attraction, boundaries and the little quirks that show up in relationships, they reflect on how they each move through dating in ENM. Along the way, they talk about what they value, what can be hard, and what partners might notice when gettin...

In this episode, Leonie turns the mic on Adam. They talk about how he first found his way into ethical non-monogamy, what opening up a relationship actually looked like in practice, and how those early experiences shaped the way he understands connection, communication and intimacy now. The conversation also goes deeper into masculinity, body image, self-worth and the long shadow of feeling like y...

In this episode, we try something a little different. Adam brings in a social media clip of Ne-Yo talking about polyamory, and Leonie reacts to it in real time, with no prep, no pre-planning, and no idea where the conversation is about to go. What starts as a playful raw reaction quickly turns into something much bigger: a conversation about ownership, exclusivity, control, gender, power, and the...

In this episode, Ari returns to the podcast for a much deeper check-in. What starts as a catch-up quickly opens into a conversation about what has changed since the first episodes, what dating has looked like since then, and what it actually means to keep growing inside ethical non-monogamy rather than just talking about it. We explore the gap between theory and practice, the difference between kn...

In this episode, we take on one of the most loaded and misunderstood topics in ethical non-monogamy: hierarchy. Rather than treating hierarchy as something simple or automatically bad, we sit with the messier reality of what it actually means in practice, who benefits from it, and why people so often struggle to name it honestly. We explore the difference between equality and equity, the role of p...

In this episode, we step into one of the more complicated spaces sitting alongside ethical non-monogamy. We’re joined by Genevieve, founder of Skirt Club, to talk about what the community is, who it is for, and why so many women find themselves drawn to it while still not always seeing it as non-monogamy. From there, the conversation opens out into something much bigger: bisexuality, curiosity, ma...

In this episode, we do something a little different. We listen to Lily Allen’s West End Girl track by track and react to it in real time, using our own experiences in ethical non-monogamy as the lens for the conversation. As the album unfolds, so does a bigger discussion about heartbreak, agreements, jealousy, attachment, communication, and the messy space between what people say they want and wha...

In Part 2 of Leonie’s story, the conversation moves from background into becoming. We explore what happened after the rules started to loosen: the slow unfurling of sexuality, the complexity of identity, and the often messy gap between what non-monogamy is supposed to look like and what it actually feels like to live it. Leonie speaks openly about moving from a conservative faith background into a...

From Conservative Faith to Non-Monogamy: Leonie’s Story Part 1 In Part 1 of Leonie’s story, we go right back to the beginning. Leonie reflects on her childhood, her deep sense of spirituality, and the role conservative faith played in shaping how she saw herself, community, belonging and the world around her. Together, we unpack the difference between genuine spiritual connection and organised rel...

It’s been a while, but WE ARE BACK!! The ENM DNM looks a little different now. It’s just the two of us, Adam and Leonie, which brings a new format, a new energy, and a bit more space to let the conversation go where it naturally wants to. In this episode, we reintroduce ourselves, reflect on what’s changed since the last run of episodes, and talk about what this next chapter of the podcast is goin...

Episode 6: The Good, The Bad, and The Fugly From cute friend dates to chaotic sex parties, we’re ending Season 1 with our wildest, weirdest, and most heartfelt dating stories. In this final episode of the season, we swap stories from the frontlines of dating while ethically non-monogamous — the good, the bad, and the downright fugly. We reflect on what counts as a date in ENM, how online dating co...

Episode 5: Communication and Boundaries  What does “good communication” really mean in ethical non-monogamy — and how do you know if you’re setting a boundary or just trying to control someone? Intro Paragraph: In this episode of The ENM DNM, we unpack the layered, often messy world of communication and boundaries in ethical non-monogamy. We explore how mismatched expectations, emotional triggers,...

Episode 4: Families, Friends, and the (Mono) World World What happens when you’re living ethically non-monogamous — but your friends, family, or workplace aren’t? In this episode, we unpack the messy, beautiful, and often awkward moments of coming out in a monogamous world. We talk about the choices we make around who to tell, how we tell them, and why some of us don’t tell anyone at all. From rel...

Episode 3: Intersectionality and ENM What happens when your queerness, culture, neurodivergence, and upbringing all collide with ethical non-monogamy? We’re talking about the beautiful mess that is intersectionality. In this episode, we explore how identity shapes the way we show up in ethical non-monogamy (ENM). From growing up in religious households or navigating white privilege to being queer,...

Episode 2: Initial Struggles with ENM Starting out in ethical non-monogamy can feel like learning to walk on a tightrope—in the dark, with no map. We’ve been there.  What we talk about in this episode: In this episode, we get real about the messy, confusing, and sometimes magical first six months of navigating ethical non-monogamy (ENM). From awkward first dates and emotional overwhelm to finding...

Episode 1: Starting Out in ENM How We Found Ethical Non-Monogamy and What It Means to Us Curious about how people actually get into ethical non-monogamy? In this very first episode of The ENM DNM, we sit down with our full crew – Adam, Leonie, Ed, Ari, and Jacqui – to share how we each found our way into ENM, polyamory, or something a little harder to define. From queerness and curiosity to dissat...

Welcome to The ENM DNM Hey friends! This is a quick intro to The ENM DNM – a podcast where we have deep and meaningful conversations about ethical non-monogamy. I’m Adam (he/him), a counsellor, youth worker, and community member, and this podcast is just people sharing their real experiences of ENM. No advice, no preaching—just honest chats. If you like what you hear and want to support the pod (a...