The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide™️

People-pleasing begins very early. It's based on our innate desire for approval as children. It can also be observed in others, such as our parents, and learned through misguided understandings of religious dogma. Now, imagine treating as a superpower to deal with internalized trauma.it If left unchecked, it can be embraced as an identity that negatively impacts how we show up and who we show up a...

If I could time travel, I wouldn't play the stock market. I'd show up at my high school locker to confront my former self. To comfort him. To warn him. I honestly would not. We often torture ourselves in the present for something we didn’t know or have the capacity to do differently in the past. I know I have, and I wasted a lot of time doing it. Even if you willingly went into a situation “wrong...

After a four-year break, we're back! Welcome to Season 5, " The Seasoning ." Before I got grown and started losing grown-up things, I lost something more precious as a child — my sense of self. This is a prequel narration of sorts. My beginnings that led to Seasons 1-4 of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide™️: an only child's very early fight for purpose, meaning, and self-esteem in the face o...

Life Comes at You Fast, Stay Ready or Buckle Up After a nearly four-year hiatus, The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide™️ is back, revisiting the old and sharing the new on life and lessons learned from the wilderness of post-divorce, love, dating, parenting, living, grief, and growing. Season 5, "The Seasoning," debuts Friday, March 6, 2026.

The Season 4 Finale is here! Welcome to Episode 9 of Season 4 of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Seasons change as do situations. Life is a mixed bag of peaks and valleys. The thing about life is that it isn’t fair and doesn’t care about what you’re going through or whatever relationship issues you may be having when it decides that it isn’t going to be fair. In this episode, life moves i...

When the past sends you a text, you: respond happily and pick up where you left off. ignore it and possibly block them. run like the wind. break your phone, then change your number. Some of the above. None of the above. In Episode 8 of Season 4, the Past makes a surprise appearance in my life while I navigate a new career opportunity, my singleness, am uncomfortable walk down social media memory l...

Picking up where we left off at Episode 6: After a year of misses capped off by holiday heartache, I have an “aha” moment that leads me to create new boundaries, manage my expectations, and finally gain peace of mind as it relates to my ex-wife and all my relationships. But in almost the same breath, I break an old boundary in a moment of weakness as I move two steps forward but three steps backwa...

Thanksgiving isn't about pilgrims for me. It's all about gratitude. In this short bonus episode, I reflect on what it means to be divorced and single during the holidays and why that isn't a bad thing. If you enjoyed the episode: Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode.  If you li...

"What if?" is right up there with "Why?" as far as a question that has no real answers and honestly isn't worth asking to begin with unless discussing alternative realities and timelines in comic books. But that has never stopped anyone from asking this of themselves, especially when it comes to love and romance and heartbreak and failure. A Life of Regret What if you could do it all over again or...

"So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see/Sayin' that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be...." André 3000 made a choice of with whom he wanted to be in his opening verse of Int'l Players Anthem. How many of us are choosing what we want versus going with what is right in front of us, what is within reach, what is easy, or what appears to yield results with the least amount of effort or ri...

Things don't always go as planned or envisioned. When this happens what do you do? Do you run away or do you stand and see your way through the mess? I experience this in grand fashion during Episode Four of Season Four. Things start off calmly enough with me trying to meet up in person with The Woman Dressed in Black I met in Episode 2 (Season Four), but things take a turn and accelerate full-spe...

In this installment of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide, my family life and my dating life begin to intersect. My youngest is older and has some pretty strong opinions on how her mother and I should be conducting ourselves as single, dating people. I call the woman who was Dressed In All Black Like the Omen (Episode 2) and I'm faced with a great opportunity, but my ego may be in the way...o...

This is a bonus episode, y'all! I wrote an article over at Medium and was encouraged to narrate it as well. Of course, that meant I had to share with all of you. I'll tease the content here but for the full transcript, visit www.medium.com/@ericPayne TRANSCRIPT: Dating In My Forties, by Eric Payne By the time you read this, I will be nearing my fiftieth year on this planet though most mistake me f...

You have to be old enough to have seen The Omen AND current enough (if you call the 90s current) to remember Lil’ Kim’s iconic line in “All About the Benjamins” to catch the reference I’m dropping here. Episode 2 of Season 4 of The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide continues with the ongoing my ongoing post-divorce journey. Broken boundaries, making myself small, the past, present, and an unconf...

The saga continues as I plot and plod my way through life after saying "goodbye" to forbidden love. While attending a birthday party I cross paths with my past but stumble upon something new. I push past my fear and shoot my shot, sort of. If you're new to this podcast, thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One,...

We're back like we never left! By we, I mean me because I really don't speak in the third person. Season Four kicks off with literally everything that could go wrong going full-speed into Wrong-Ville and Drama Town with a whole lot of texting and not enough talking, but along the way I discover and/or am reminded of the following: What to do when co-parenting goes all the way wrong Desire versus c...

"All my time has been focused on my freedom now. Why would I join 'em when I know that I can beat 'em now? They put their words on me, and they can eat 'em now…" Ms. Lauryn Hill has the right idea on the new track, NOBODY where she spits facts about her growth alongside Nas. There is nothing more joyful and liberating than learning and loving yourself along the way. Season 4 of the Dating After Di...

The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide is a serial podcast that thoughtfully and often hilariously narrates the journey of retired fatherhood blogger Eric Payne as he navigates the challenges of "starting over" after divorce. From one-night stands to ghosting to online dating, to mental anguish and heartbreak to the self-care that is required of a 40+, divorced Black man and father in A...

Acting on your emotions always feels good in the moment but rarely works out in the long run. Your host, Eric Payne, a.k.a. the Divorced Dillenger puts both his feet in a pile of you know what when he casts care to the wind (based on the events of Episode 5: A New Orleans Ghost Story ) and backslides on his principles when it comes to who and how he dates. But don't lose hope! Things just may end...

"Revenge is mine!" sayeth the Lord. Revenge may look cool and might seem like a good idea in the movies when the hero goes for broke to even the odds. But that’s the movies. In real life, not so much. Revenge sex (not to be confused with make-up sex) is an even worse idea. But that doesn’t stop me. Mad, sad, disappointed, upset, and completely knocked off my game thanks to the events of Episode 5...

Episode 5 is a ghost story, or should I say a story of ghosting, just in time for the 2018 holiday season. It's a tale filled with hope, mentorship, and an ending that couldn't have been expected but perhaps anticipated. The outcome of this story will set in motion a series of decisions and actions that will lead to series of less than desired outcomes. See below for the episode acts and topics an...

Moving right along from Episode 3 and just in time for Valentine's Day (if you haven't listened to it start there, actually just start at Season 1 because this is a story, not a podcast made up of standalone episodes)! It's the holidays and yours truly, Eric Payne, The Divorced Dillinger, travels home to visit the family! Before it's all over I will have eaten my way through Chicago, connected wit...

Fresh off my Instagram hunt from Episode 2 of Season 3 of The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide, Episode 3 begins with a reunion (finally!) with C-Sweet Lady. Before it's all over I will have contemplated outrunning a cheetah, I transform like Optimus Prime and bravely set myself up to get rejected by my new IG Crush. Just a regular Tuesday in the life of your host, the Divorced Dillinger. Episo...

Fresh of the Birthday Debacle from Episode One, the Divorced Dillenger (Yours Truly) is coming to grips once again with being single and not wanting to just "mingle" if you get what I'm saying. So what do I do to create a love connection? I go to "The Gram!" Oh boy... Episode topics: Instagram, the pros and cons of the app Instagram, the source of much emotional and mental stress Instagram as a da...

And we’re back! Season 3 of The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide opens with me returning to Atlanta from my Labor Day Weekend love fest in New York City with a pep in my step and my nose wide open. But that post-coitus shine is quickly dulled by a couple of run-ins with the ex-wife. But the Divorced Dillinger (yours truly) manages to end the month with a bang, literally, for my birthday which m...