Tom Drake
The Daily Cruise and Travel News ”Podcast” with Tom Drake
After almost 30 years of performing stand-up comedy on cruise ships worldwide, Tom Drake has seen everything, done everything, and so now he knows everything! That is why he is called the "Guru of the Seas." His podcast, which delivers all of the day's cruise and travel news, can be heard every Monday through Friday, as Tom says, wherever people "pod their cast." Offering an "unfiltered view" of the cruise and travel industry, Tom delivers the news and then gives his opinion on what it all means. As Tom says, "It's the day's news with a bit of commentary." If you are a fan of cruising, or mayb...
Be sure to visit the podcast's website and support the creator: funnypaysoffj.podbean.com
Author
Tom Drake
Category
Podcast website
Latest episode
Oct 13, 2026
Where to listen?
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Episodes
October 13, 2026 Actress Selma Blair is arrested after trying mixed martial arts at 35K feet. 13.10.2026 35:30
The Maldives government suspends the 17% tourist tax when it realizes people might not visit its islands. DUH! TSA officials arrest a flyer in Phoenix after discovering he filled his Apple Mac mini with illegal narcotics. What's the big deal? Have you downloaded this app yet? It is called Flush, and it will help you find a bathroom. They should've called the toilet quest. The DOT will change...
October 12, 2026 Is the latest Margaritaville at Sea promotion a wise buainesa decision? 12.10.2026 34:50
The Mexican government changed its mind and decided to ban big ships from visiting Loreto. Why? To protect the blue whale. I couldn't do a survey by Yelp and Lyft; New Orleans is the most popular city in America for dining out. Really? Another traveler from Havana, Cuba, was arrested in Miami with a dozen birds in his crotch! A German tourist was arrested in Majorca after breaking into a hotel roo...
October 9, 2026 Food shopping on a cruise is the new popular excuraion! 09.10.2026 33:28
Carnival reduces the size of the funnel on the ship and makes the casino larger. Disney's new ship will have a Frozen-themed restaurant. Hopefully that's not the food! Watch out for the showgirls in Vegas. Their new tourism program includes whacking the tourists with their shoe. A hurricane is heading towards Florida, but that won't keep the guru from getting home!!
Oct. 8, 2026 Oceania's wellness program combines yoga and wine. The Guru will bend for that! 08.10.2026 40:10
Another American cruise is arrested in Nassau after he punches out a guy's car window! Idiots remain on display. At John Wayne Airport, one genius stole a baggage truck, crashed into another, then tried to steal a third. He should have quit after the first one. According to Yelp, the number-one restaurant in the United States is called the "filthy animal." Hopefully it's not named after the guys i...
Oct. 6, 2026. Is Holland America pointed in the right direction? The Guru thinks so. 07.10.2026 34:37
American Airlines is building a massive Admirals Club at Charlotte Airport for people dealing with flight delays. Holland America will be taking over P&O's Arcadia, which will fit nicely into the HAL portfolio. Miami airport officials arrest a man coming from Cuba with 12 birds stuffed in his pants. If you are a solo traveler, you should consider joining the Best at Sea Tours famil...
Oct. 6, 2026 Day three of the Guru's fall foliage extravaganza on Majestic Princess! 06.10.2026 30:40
The British government is back to telling airlines how to operate their business. A mistake? Walking more and walking faster helps you live longer, according to the latest study. It was not a yacht owner in Greece who tried to have the entire Virgin Voyages ship arrested. Not for behavior on board, but for whacking into his yacht! After eight 2028 dry dock, the Crysta Serenity will hav...
Oct. 5, 2026 Onboard the Majestic Princess on the way to look at leaves! 05.10.2026 33:44
Are Americans really going to Paris for Disneyland, or are is it the Europeans who aren't coming to Orlando for Disney World? The new Princess builds force everybody to sit around the atrium for entertainment! Swiss officials catch drug smugglers trying to bring cocaine filled lollipops through the airport. Who loves Ya, baby. Let's be honest. It's a challenge to develop anything new for cruise sh...
Oct. 2, 2026 Crystal unveils a new ad campaign that the Guru could have written. 02.10.2026 35:38
Royal Caribbean tells guests that the toilets will be rationed for a few hours! New York is named the number one place travelers look for romance! Police confiscate 200 lbs of marijuana that was being flown commercially into Orlando! Carnival plans and more short cruises out of Galveston. Yee Haw!
Oct. 1, 2026 NerdWallet says the cruise industry is growing quickly! The Guru knew that! 01.10.2026 36:11
Miami police locked up a mother who left her four kids in the bathroom at home so she could go on a Carnival Cruise. I guess she hadn't heard about the food. Have you ever been in line at TSA with a guy who was a turtle in his pants? Some travelers have! Soon, TSA ID checkers will have to stand while checking you out. Why? Because the bosses took away the chairs! During the Nor'easter in New Jerse...
Sept. 30, 2026 Carnival Corporation will not play follow the leader and invest in land base resorts! 30.09.2026 37:54
Boeing might have another 737 MAX jet safety problem to deal with! The Alaska Air Group will start chasing that premium seat-dollar revenue by installing seats for humans on their planes! US Customs and Border Protection has arrested and deported 87 crew members as part of its criminal crackdown! Don't forget to book now to join Dottie and Tom for America's funniest cruise on February 14, 20...
September 29, 2026 MSC opening their wallet for river boats and another private island! 29.09.2026 35:15
Airfare will keep rising, and airlines will keep making money by flying fewer planes at higher prices! Holland America is bringing a special pudding aboard to celebrate 30 years of having a private island! The Guru feels total relief after ending his 13-year relationship with T-Mobile! Like Taylor Swift, he will probably have to write a song about this breakup. 100 men on Royal Caribbean who were...
Sept. 28, 2026 Moron alert! If you hide a pocket knife inside a tube of toothpaste, it is not hidden from the TSA scanner! 28.09.2026 36:31
Travel tip from the Guru! Before you visit the UAE, make sure your prescription drivers are allowed. Better yet. Don't visit the UAE. The Atlanta zoo has two new pandas who flew from China on a $275,000 charter flight. Soon that'll be the cost of two first-class seats on Emirates. Have you ever wondered what it means when flight attendants say "disarm doors" and "crosscheck"? New Guru...
Sept 26, 2026. A new Saturday podcast available here!! 26.09.2026 37:11
Royal Caribbean reneges on its offer to give an Australian guest five cruises free because they found out he won in the casino! The first two hurricanes of the season are creating chaos for cruises in North America. Wine growers in America are slowing production because young people aren't enjoying a nice Pinot! Watch ships transit the Panama Canal with Tom and Dottie on the Crystal Symphony...
Sept. 26, 2026 Here is a shocker. Brightline files for bankruptcy protection. 26.09.2026 37:02
Royal Caribbean reneges on its offer to give an Australian guest five cruises free because they found out he won in the casino! The first two hurricanes of the season are creating chaos for cruises in North America. Wine growers in America are slowing production because young people aren't enjoying a nice Pinot! Watch ships transit the Panama Canal with Tom and Dottie on the Crystal Symphony...
Sept. 24, 2026 Oceania Sirena will now be the Ambassador Kreuzfahrten. Seriously? 24.09.2026 33:40
Royal Caribbean and Sandals Beach Resorts plan to conquer the world. A flyer with 14 fake IDs gets arrested after his Xbox raises questions. After it's sold, the Oceania Sirena will also become the home of Semester at Sea. That's a long way from the best food in the cruise industry. And a new Guru Music song, "Sounds of Philadelphia" style!
Sept. 23, 2026 Does Royal Caribbean to buy the Caribbean one place at a time? 23.09.2026 35:02
Norwegian Cruise Line Holdings employees join many others to clean up the South Florida coastline. Great job! A New Jersey contractor team cuts a fiber optic line and shuts down all major airports. Oh well, time for coffee! Zac Brown becomes Mr. Margaritaville at Sea, replacing Jimmy Buffett as the face of the cruise line! Five Carnival ships are bringing back full muster drills. Relax, people; it...
Sept. 22, 2026 The overhead space is empty, but I still had to check my bag. Why? 22.09.2026 34:36
Would you want to stay at a hotel with dormitory bunk beds and no TV's? I hope not! TSA in Tampa arrested a flyer who hid a double-edged knife inside a fake baseball bat, and he wasn't even a magician! Four EasyJet flyers were put off the plane because they continued to vape after they were told not to. Next time, put them off at 30,000 feet. Join the Guru next year for a fabulous cruise from Live...
September 21, 2026 - check out our new Suno song- "Stay out of my space, you moron" 21.09.2026 33:37
Somebody find the Guru good news to talk about! Travel and Leisure recommends that solo travelers to Jamaica bring a portable door lock, an anti-theft bag, a personal safety alarm, and a secure holder for their passport and money! What. No Bazooka? The brand-new pier in Whittier, Alaska, that caught on fire has been declared a total loss! It's a shame there wasn't water nearby! Join Be...
September 18, 2026 Trying to smuggle $1 million worth of part of the Japan is not the brightest idea you've ever had ladies! 18.09.2026 31:25
Royal Caribbean has chosen an amazing military veteran as the godmother of their new mega-mother. A glitch in the air traffic control system left thousands of English flyers stranded. Here's why. 13 young morons are banned from sailing to Costa after starting a massive brawl on board. No new cases of Norovirus. Well done, people. Keep washing those paws!
September 17, 2026 Airlines only care about profit and shareholders, and not their customers! 17.09.2026 33:36
A man from Oklahoma gets arrested in the Keys and ends up with a $150,000 bond and nine felony charges. Welcome to Florida. The TSA is giving serious thought to allowing you to bring your water bottle through security. TSA and serious thought? There's a joke there. The Royal Canadian Air Force airlifted a seriously ill guest from a Celebrity ship. Great job!! Join Dottie and Tom February 26 on Cry...
September 16, 2027 Duh! Taping your camping knife to the bottom of your carry-on will not fool TSA screeners! 16.09.2026 34:10
A metal pier in Whittier, Alaska, burned because the new pier was metal, but the wood underneath wasn't! Child alert! Your kids' squishy toys will not make it on board unless they're in the checked bags! Are the check-in people at Frontier making up the carry-on rules as they go along? The Chinese government has new rules restricting freedoms in that country. Cancel your visit. Want to keep...
September 15, 2026 Hot Flash? A woman on an American Airlines flight takes all of his clothes for no reason! Oliver close for no reason 15.09.2026 34:24
Miami police arrest a man for sleeping underneath a hotel bed while the guests are sleeping on top! United will have Airbus aircraft outfitted with no middle seats in economy plus for trips across the pond! Are Canada and the European Union dating? Mt. Etna in Sicily is erupting again and many tourists are complaining that they're getting ash on their cannoli!
September 14, 2026 Two more morons are zip tied by fellow flyers on the way to Doha! 14.09.2026 37:56
Princess joins Royal Caribbean and oversells the Island Princess! Royal Caribbean canceled many of its cruisers' Casita reservations because it was priced incorrectly. Too cheap! If it was too much, they would've shut their mouth! Justin Trudeau has been booked to speak at the World Tourism and Travel Conference. That announcement should sell one ticket. Maybe! Here is a shocker! According t...
September 11. 2026 25 years. A day to remember! 11.09.2026 37:41
What exactly is Explorations by Norwegian? The Bomb Bozo who called in the Disney bomb scare is blaming Disney! NCL and Carnival stocks dive because of high oil prices! So, you want to be a travel agent? Is it worth it?
September 10, 2026 A Miami Judge throws Frank Del Rio's lawsuit overboard! 10.09.2026 39:18
A&K is offering a trip to the world's largest salt flat! This is not on the Guru's bucket list! NCL shut down half the services on the Norwegian Sky during its final voyage! A 20-year-old moron from Chicago was indicted for calling in a bomb threat on a cruise ship! Are people really flocking to the new Lake America? It's the same water, right?
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