The Daily Ascent

In today's episode, I'm sharing something a friend of mine came up with that I found so spiritually alive I couldn't stop thinking about it — a shame fast.  She was at a church lecture about why spiritual traditions throughout history have honored fasting, and had this lightning bolt moment: I need to do this with my shame thoughts.  Mark Nepo writes in The Book of Awakening that loving yourself i...

In today's episode, I'm sharing one of the most useful questions I know that I learned about two weeks into my recovery when I was catastrophizing about going to Italy, which I had absolutely no plans to do.  Eckhart Tolle writes in The Power of Now that all worry and anxiety are caused by too much future and not enough presence.  Today's episode is about coming back to the only moment that is act...

In today's episode, I'm talking about something I'm genuinely proud of — and something that took me a very long time to build. Consistency. The small, quiet, unglamorous practice of showing up for yourself every single day.  Taking your meds. Trash on Thursdays. The walk even when you're tired.  Karen Casey writes in Each Day a New Beginning that each action we take clearly indicates the person we...

In today's episode, I'm talking about something a client said to me recently that stopped me cold — she wanted to ask her roommate to move food that was making her recovery harder, but she wasn't sure she was allowed to ask.  And it made me think about how often we decide for other people before they've ever had the chance to respond.  Brené Brown writes in Rising Strong that in the absence of dat...

Someone in a spiritual circle I'm part of said something recently I have not been able to stop thinking about — wouldn't it be amazing if our fear voice came in a different accent, so we'd always know it wasn't our truth?  Iyanla Vanzant writes in Acts of Faith that having the thoughts isn't the problem — what sets us back is when we pay homage to them, when we keep entertaining them until they be...

In today's episode, I'm sharing something I've learned about community the hard way and the beautiful way — that if you want a village, you have to be a villager.  I talk about the women's recovery meeting that saved me during COVID, the Sunday morning chairperson position I almost said no to, and what happened when I said yes anyway.  Brené Brown writes that true belonging is a daily practice — a...

In today's episode, I'm talking about a woodpecker I had never seen before — and what it reminded me about the ordinary moments I walk through every day without really seeing them.  Brother David Steindl-Rast writes that everything is a gift, and that the degree to which we are awake to this truth is the measure of our gratefulness — and gratefulness is the measure of our aliveness.  Today's episo...

In today's episode, I'm talking about something a workout instructor said to me that I couldn't shake — and a pattern I catch myself in that I think a lot of us share.  Fragilizing yourself. Deciding you can't before you've tried.  Parker Palmer writes that if we are to live our lives fully and well, we must learn to embrace the opposites — to live in a creative tension between our limits and our...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about Danny's first girls' night back — and what happened when my 75 pound lab mix couldn't find his ground.  A dog trainer taught me years ago that sometimes you have to hold the leash until the spinning stops.  Thich Nhat Hanh writes that our breathing is a stable solid ground always there to take refuge in — that whenever we're carried away, we can return and...

In today's episode, I'm talking about the loneliness you can feel in a crowded room — and why I think it might be the most dangerous kind.  A client of mine hadn't left her house in weeks, completely convinced she needed to stay in her bed. I understood that completely. Because I know what it is to be right there, surrounded by people, with the ice forming around my heart and nothing getting in. ...

In today's episode, I'm talking about a friend who asked her prayer circle to support her in her joy — and what that brave, honest request revealed about why joy is so hard to receive.  Glennon Doyle writes that she wondered if joy had as much to teach her as pain did — and that what the world needs right now is to watch one woman at a time live her truest, most beautiful life without asking for p...

In today's episode, I'm sharing something I learned in my SOS group that I had never heard named before — post-collapse syndrome.  My first sponsor told me years ago: it's not the event where the danger is. It's the exhale after.  And this isn't just about hard things — it's about any big expenditure. Amazing concerts. Dream vacations.  Finished projects. The body doesn't distinguish between good...

In today's episode, I'm talking about a client who couldn't let herself be out of sorts until she could explain why — and what that pattern is costing all of us.  Tara Brach writes that pain is not wrong, and that the moment we decide something is wrong our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat it.  Sometimes understanding why you feel something is a real gift. But making und...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about something a friend said at dinner that I had to write down.  She called it driftwood — the idea that when you see someone else have what you want, it's not a sign it's not coming for you. It's evidence that it's real, that it exists, that it's on its way.  Tosha Silver writes that abundance is something to be, not seek or await — and that when you let the...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about Grandma Bev — who just turned 100, sharp as a tack, the woman who opened her doors to my mom and me when we moved across the country — and the thing she said to me seven times over dinner that I haven't been able to stop thinking about.  Richard Wiseman spent a decade studying hundreds of lucky and unlucky people and found something that stopped me cold: p...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about Danny's first walk after two weeks of bed rest — and what it felt like to watch him encounter a fire hydrant like Andy Dufresne walking out of Shawshank.  Mary Oliver wrote that the instructions for living a life are three things: pay attention, be astonished, tell about it.  Danny didn't need the instructions. He just did it. And I couldn't stop thinking...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about something my mother said to me about Danny — my 75 pound lab mix who just had surgery and is currently on the mend — that I genuinely cannot believe I had to be told.  It changed how I think about recovery entirely.  Pema Chödrön reminds us that the trick is to practice gentleness and letting go — because whatever we practice, we strengthen. Question to ca...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about an amend I almost didn't make — because I was certain I already knew how it would end.  My spiritual teacher said something to me that I have never forgotten.  Thomas Merton writes that we have to stop depending on the hope of results and start concentrating on the value, the rightness, and the truth of the work itself.  She didn't pick up. And something i...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about a wedding vow that stopped me in my tracks — and a question my spiritual guide has had to ask me more than once.  It starts with a marriage, but it ends at Trader Joe's.  Anne Lamott writes that love is a piece of toast and a diamond — sturdy and imperfect — and that what we stand to lose when we truly love someone is the illusion of control. Question to c...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about a friend of mine who had a real breakthrough — and spent the whole time describing it like a prison sentence. I had to stop her.  Because what I was actually watching wasn't a burden. It was one of the rarest invitations a person can receive.  Henri Nouwen writes that the only way to get to the new country is naked and vulnerable — and that trust is what's...

In today's episode, I'm talking about one of the greatest gifts of being human: the ability to rewrite our stories.  I've done it over and over — getting sober, healing my eating disorder, changing how I relate to friendship, work, love. The EMDR reached the stories that were cemented deepest in my body.  But you don't need EMDR to rewrite your story. You need the willingness to see the old versio...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about the time I got the flu, cancelled my whole week — including patients, which was not easy — and thought I had surrendered. And then discovered that the real surrender was still coming.  Post-viral fatigue taught me that my body doesn't check my calendar before deciding it needs more rest.  And the distance between the bratty scream and the surrender? It's g...

In today's episode, I'm telling you about the time my kitchen turned purple — and how the worst thing about my house in Charlotte turned out to be the very best thing about it once I got Danny.  It's a story about perspective, about how fast we decide something is a disaster, and about what happens when we stay long enough for the gift to reveal itself.  John O'Donohue reminds us not to be afraid...

In today's episode, I'm sharing the phone call where my friend and I were deep in fear about the state of the world — and then she pivoted to asking about a supplement. And the sacred pause that followed when she realized: I'm not looking for a supplement. I'm looking for an escape from how I feel.  Geneen Roth reminds us: "All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to...

In today's episode, I'm getting honest about why the EMDR intensive hit so deeply... I have no idea.  What I do know is this: you never know which healing experience is going to be the one that cracks you open.  And because you can't know, the only option is to stay open, stay relentless, and keep walking through doors.  The Al-Anon daily reader Courage to Change reminds us: "Building trust takes...