The Cult I Left Behind

Amanda and Kyle discuss the IBLP cult's stance on how a godly couple goes about family planning...or doesn't, because God will plan your family. We learn things like the role of proper music and abstinence in conception, the many "hidden designs" in the Bible, and how the pull out method of birth control can get you killed.  Support the show

As Kyle puts it, this episode is all about "connecting with your spouse through abstinence." Join us as we talk about Bill Gothard's view on completeness in marriage and how not eating and not having sex play a big role. We also answer some listener questions about how to talk to people you know who are still in a cult, why the word "encouragement" was such a popular adjec...

To celebrate the one-year anniversary of The Cult I Left Behind podcast, Amanda and Kyle share their favorite moments, favorite episodes, insights into the creation of episodes, and their deep appreciate for the community that has formed around this podcast.  Support the show

Let’s talk about sex…again! Amanda and Kyle talk through Bill Gothard’s teaching on pleasure in the marriage relationship. In a shocking turn of events (haha), everything revolves around the menstrual cycle. It turns out abstinence plays a big role in marriage pleasure, as well as in healing all manner of physical ailments. All of this wise relationship and sex advice from Bill, a man who was neve...

Did you know companionship in marriage is really about the menstrual cycle? Did you also know you’re in a covenant relationships with everyone with whom you’ve shared a meal? And that abstinence is important in marriage? Neither did we. But this is what we learn about in the IBLP Advanced Seminar materials. We also learn more about Bill Gothard’s sex rules for married couples. They’re super weird....

Time to wrap up how to go about courting in the holiest manner possible. Amanda tells Kyle the final steps to a godly pre-marriage relationship. Kyle is confused. We learn why Ruth is way more chaste and holy than other female Bible characters, Amanda's Bible college and seminary training pays off, and Kyle issues a complaint with the way IBLP uses the word "purpose."  Support the s...

Amanda and Kyle embark on a perilous journey through more cult ideology around dating, sex, marriage, and purity. Bill's vision (for everyone except himself and his brothers) involves some pretty steep expectations of young men that are, dare we say, impossible in 2024. Young women fare much better under Bill's system in that they aren't supposed to do anything but be quiet, gratefu...

A special guest joins us to discuss the case against Amanda's brother. Jennifer, an Assistant District Attorney and podcast listener, prosecutes sexual assault cases in her state and has some interesting thoughts on Amanda's experience as a witness, the politics that impacted the case against her brother, and the legal outcome of the case. Amanda, Kyle, and Jennifer have a heartfelt conv...

Amanda and Kyle discuss the IBLP Advanced Seminar seven-step chart about how a woman becomes immoral. Obviously, this is all “supported” by random verses from the King James Version of the Christian Bible. So, normal cult stuff. Amanda shares her childhood judgement of females who wore clothes that actually fit (so immoral) and her fear of becoming a Strange Woman.  Support the show

The Ten Unchangeables make a reappearance in the courtship process. The IBLP Advanced Seminar Textbook lays out intense instructions for how to interrogate a potential romantic partner. Kyle is incredulous, Amanda is shocked he's still shocked by cult material, and much laughter ensues.  Support the show

In the next installment of courtship in the cult, Amanda tells Kyle all about the IBLP Basic and Advanced Training Seminar's instruction regarding the four levels of friendship and how they govern dating or courtship relationships.  Support the show

Amanda shares her own courtship experience and the ill-fated romance that followed. She explains purity culture concepts such as "giving away your heart," being a "chewed up piece of gum," and being a "trampled garden." Amanda and Kyle discuss how Amanda's ex found out about her childhood abuse and how that information impacted their relationship, and Amanda expl...

A conversation Amanda has put off for a long time plays out amid trauma laughs, real laughs, and incredulity (on Kyle's part). Join us for a conversation about an IBLP cult staple: courtship. Presented as an alternative to "secular dating," courtship is Bill Gothard's highly controlled and supposedly impeccable standard for relationships. Amanda and Kyle talk about the espionag...

Amanda and Kyle are reunited for another episode! They answer some listener questions, then Kyle asks Amanda about something she mentioned in passing that startled him and required further investigation.  Support the show

What do Celine Dion and Wisdom Booklet #1 have in common? Well, it's all coming back to me now as Amanda and Kyle go down the rabbit hole (or up the mountain?) into the world of ATI where male supremacy makes an immediate appearance. Listen along as Kyle reacquaints Amanda with the concepts of the cult's flagship homeschooling curriculum. And if you were ever curious as to why Christians...

In the most vulnerable episode to date, Amanda shares her songwriting diary and describes how the music helped her cope with reporting her brother, losing her biological family, going through a divorce, struggling with her mental health, and, ultimately, finding hope, love, and joy in life.  Support the show

Kyle teaches Amanda about the experience of growing up in public school. It all started over a dinner date conversation that resulted in running back to the Airbnb to record Amanda's questions/shock/terror about "evil public school." The IBLP cult taught that public school was immoral, so Amanda had a lot to learn about the concept of public education in general. Additionally, Amand...

Coming to you live from the middle of a cross-country move, Amanda and Kyle answer more listener questions. They discuss the impact of cults/trauma/sexual assault/sin on health, and Amanda shares how she overcame her IBLP cult-induced beliefs that her medical struggles were punishment from God. Amanda also recommends some books written by people who left other cults. Books: Uncultured Educated A B...

Thanks to some help from a listener, Amanda and Kyle finally tackle their long-awaited topic: Bill Gothard's teachings on sex rules in marriage! To absolutely nobody's surprise, the IBLP cult has a lot to say (ahem, dictate) about how married people go about their sexual relationship -- including days they should not have sex. Amanda and Kyle also answer a listener question about how to...

In an angsty and emotional conversation, Amanda tells Kyle about the complexity of Mother's Day with an abusive mother. Amanda shares how the IBLP cult enabled parental abuse and what it’s like to cut ties with abusive parents.  Support the show

Amanda tells Kyle about Bill Gothard's teachings on adoption. It turns out adoption is considered a medical situation. It also turns out couples who can't have biological children shouldn't adopt because, according to Bill, God doesn't think they should be parents. Amanda explains the concept of "sins of the father" and how Bill taught adopted kids brought the sins of...

Amanda and Kyle discuss what it's like to leave a cult and be that "weird" person trying to navigate the real world. Amanda shares the hurdles she faced as a weird person after leaving the IBLP cult, the process of recognizing she was different than those around her, and how she made non-cult friends. Amanda and Kyle talk through the challenges of assimilating to society after leavi...

Amanda and Kyle respond to many listener questions about reaching a healthy sex life after experiencing sexual trauma in or outside a cult. They discuss different therapy modalities that helped Amanda heal, why females in the IBLP cult dissociated from their bodies, and why distance from harmful people helps the healing process. Amanda mentions Rosen therapy for somatic healing. If you are interes...

Amanda tells Kyle about Bill Gothard's made up "Law of Crying Out" which - surprise, surprise - places equal blame on victims and perpetrators. Amanda grew up being taught this ideology as part of ATI's educational curriculum and bought into it for much of her life until adulthood. She tells Kyle about the different responses humans have to crisis and assault and considers that...

Amanda shares some of the most embarrassing moments from her military career. Turns out growing up in the IBLP cult means there's a lot of slang and innuendo that goes right over your head. A best practice is probably not to repeat any new phrases until you Google them, but sadly that is not what happened. Amanda also tells Kyle about some of her greatest successes in the military and how gro...