The Chronicles of Critic

Depending on who you ask, The Boondock Saints was either a gritty cult classic or an over-hyped bar fight, merely proof that nostalgia looks especially "Sean Patrick-flattering" through shamrock-coloured glasses. Regardless of which side of the pew you sit on in that debate, one thing is certain: its follow-up,  The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day , leaves its viewers praying for a MacManus bro...

While we're not quite ready to wave goodbye to the crunchy leaves and glow of jack-o'-lanterns that close out October, The Holdovers  makes a strong case for skipping the pumpkin spice season altogether and diving headfirst into the cozy, boozy melancholy of a 1970s New England Christmas, courtesy of Alexander Payne's delightfully nostalgic film. Paul Giamatti is the perfect troll of a man to embo...

If the devil appeared to me and offered to grant me seven wishes in exchange for my soul, I'd use every last one of them to try and erase the hot garbage that was Harold Ramis's  Bedazzled from as many planes of existance as humanly possible. The eternity I'd have to spend roasting in hell would undoubtedly be better than the 90 minutes I spent in the purgatory that was watching this awful movie....

If someone told me that the 1991's Frankie & Johnny was required viewing for police services and psychotherapists alike, all I could reasonably reply with would be, "Say no more, fam"! Mixed in amidst this movie's snappy quips, world-building, and incredible acting is the story of an absolute lunatic stalking an uncomfortable abuse victim. Seriously, all you have to do is re-jig some of that backg...

We can't say the title of this movie without immediately hearing our favorite singing crab, but rest assured 1997's crime-thriller  Kiss the Girls is a very different kettle of fish. This movie doesn't really know what it wants to be. It tries to sell itself as a Se7en / Silence of the Lambs –style crime thriller, but inevitably devolves into "insert-generic-underwhelming-90s-action-thriller-here....

I know we've all heard a few "Urban Legends" about our old pal Jared Leto, if you know what I mean, but for now, let us head back to a simpler time, a spookier time, a slashier time! The central premise to this film is quite arguably that one girl is an absolutely abhorent driver and should have her license revoked immediately... no seriously, hear us out. This movie acts as the latest vehicle to...

Welcome to Charlestown, Baahston! The city where everyone's a bank robber, the women are all on drugs, and all the little children can dream of is an ice rink. Even Fergie's lookin a little rough in this piece! They say if you watch this back-to-back with The Departed, The Boondock Saints, and Good Will Hunting, the mayor of Boston will ship you a key to the city, a box of Bruins jerseys, and a sm...

Aaaand they're back! This week, we shoot back to 2006 and a movie that left royalists, monarchists, and Anglophiles alike clamoring for more—the award darling, Oscar-bating, The Queen . This film serves up all the hallmarks of British luxury: a picnic in the Cairngorms (featuring a full bar, I might add), Barbour waxed jackets, Land Rovers, gaggles of corgis, flawless diction, painfully rigid prot...

GET DOWN with the latest episode of The Chronicles of Critic where we are taking a look at the highest grossing movie that came out this week way back in 1993. While perhaps oveshadowed by the groundbreaking film that was Jurassic Parc, Last Action Hero came out the next week to... not much fanfair... We thought this movie was the bees knees and arguably holds up even better now that we're all a f...

While Scooby-Doo technically topped the box office this week back in 2002, we made sure to send one of the Treadstone assassins to do to that dog what they did to poor Eamon's retriever in The Bourne Identity . This one's our first 10 on the nostalgia-meter — and quite possibly my favourite film. We get to explore the seedy underbelly of international espionage while witnessing a brand-new way to...

Ah, The Mummy ... sacred, ancient, cinema-treasure of a bygone childhood. While I doubt anyone who saw Tom Cruise's effort at the property when they were nine years old will look back with the same level of nostalgia upon the 2017 version as we do the 1999 edition, we're pleased to say this effort wasn't a total loss! We went into this expecting that watching it would be like going to the video st...

Not sure if this should be called Notting Hill or Nodding Off ... I kid — though it does run a bit long — because honestly, it's hard to fault another Curtis classic brimming with snappy dialogue, charming meet-cutes, and... manic emotional blowouts? Thankfully, Hugh's signature floppy-haired aloofness, paired with an outstanding turn from "Spike" in the co-pilot seat, brings enough charm and hila...

Little did we know that it would actually be the "Disney Live-Action Remake-a-verse", rather than the MCU, that would end up being the bane of our existence when we started this project. But alas, here we are. Why, oh why, did someone decide that this movie needed to be "Part of Our World" , when truly, the ideas for this meandering sea slug should have been left "Under the Sea" with the rest of t...

At first when we saw that Mel Gibson had left us a voicemail, we were really thrilled... but then we listened to said voicemail. Yikes. What a lovely day it is when you find yourself speeding through a post-apocalyptic wasteland, guzzling mother's milk, guzzoline, and sand... so much sand. Mad Max: Fury Road is a "barely-time-to-stop-and-catch-your-breath" production that manages to divert the ene...

Well... out of respect for the subject matter of this movie, we'll probably keep the horsing around in this description to a minimum. But if the film can open with an intentionally light-hearted, borderline stereotypical depiction of young gay men in the early '80s, then let me just say—what a lifestyle these lads were living at the outset of this film. It was the Top Gun volleyball scene meets th...

In the immortal words of DMX, " X Gon' Give It 2 Ya!" — and boy, does this movie ever give it to us! The costumes, the miniature work, the sets, the acting, the stunts, and Huge Jacked-Man's guttural Wolverine yell that sinks Rod Steiger's ' January Man' yell-acting to the bottom of a medical-grade aquarium faster than a she-ninja full of Adamantium. This might just be the movie that made the stud...

Well, it finally happened... we've stumbled into Martin Scorsese's favourite innovation in film—the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Before the corporate juggernaut that is Disney began force-feeding us this particular IP ad nauseam , there was a brief period of time known as "Phase 1," when we all finally got to experience what it would be like to watch the ultimate crossover episode play out in all it...

A tiger, a bear, a black panther and a man-cub walk into a bar - and manage to re-create the true Disney classic that is... checks notes ... The Lion King? Seriously, the number of shot-for-shot recreations of that movie is astounding, considering that the source material for this production was supposed to be some other intelectual property altogether. The visuals are stunning, (voice) acting is...

Bridge... Brijet... Bridjt.. Briget.. how on Earth do you spell this damn name? Oh well, guess I'm illiterate. You know who definitely isn't illiterate? The amazing team of, book-writing, script penning, comedic geniouses that created the razor-sharp and laugh-out-loud movie that may just even be Emily's favourite flick! Expertly acted, the delightfully witty characters fly of the page and onto th...

What, another DOUBLE FEATURE?! What is it about movies from 2004 that makes us itch to watch more than one at a time? Speaking of itching, something tells me a few characters from The Girl Next Door are no strangers to that particularly 'prickly' sensation... Join us as we watch a walking bag of hormones, morning wood, and teenage naïveté, fumble around in the dark trying to land the insert "shall...

Come for the creature fights, stay for the VFX. But don't forget to bring your tomatoes to throw at the screen, because the real monsters in this movie are all the scenes that force you to endure what might be the most expositional dialogue you've ever heard since that time you accidentally turned on "descriptive video" on your TV or "Windows Narrator" on your laptop. And yes, rolling your eyes as...

This movie has the same energy as excitedly going to grab some ice cream from the freezer but discovering that the only flavour left in the neopolitan container is strawberry. Or when you go to chow down on that perfect sandwich you made earlier and have been craving all day, only to take a bite and discover that the tomatoes, pickles, and sauces have made the bread all soggy. Or when you entrust...

Get your tea and crumpets ready as we travel back to enjoy the absolute staple of the British institution that is Four Weddings and a Funeral. You may have never realized that the likes of Love Actually, Bridget Jones's Diary, and Notting Hill were all born of this O.G. cultural touchstone and box office smash hit - that's ok because we'll tell you all about it here in excrucuating detail. Never m...

This movie will have you asking questions like, "where are we?" and, "is it ethical for white people playing non-white people to have dreadlocks?" or perhaps, "do the dinosaur-deniers have a point?" and maybe even, "how do the druid guys get any slaving done with nails that long?" I don't think that the 'BC' in the title of this movie stands for "Bull-Crap"; but, if it did, it wouldn't be a comple...

If there is a limit to how much borderline-problematic representation of native american culture can be stuffed into a single movie, this film makes every attempt to find out. Watching this movie made me feel like I was shot into an alternate universe wherein Jonathan Taylor Thomas is a little shit (dare I say - future serial killer) and Chevy Chase is a bona-fide good, kind, soul. It made my skin...