The Chronicles of Critic

This movie is the third installment of the Ace Ventura franchise, wherein Ace is depressed, lets down his guard, contracts rabies from a rabid dog, and falls into a hallucinatory fever-dream psychosis, and I will die on this hill! From the time where alt-rock bands and the second British invasion were dominating haircuts and fashion, comes a script that could only have been pitched as "too many ma...

Air humping, butt cracks, questionable breakfast foods, alligator wrestling, glasses of "shut-the-hell-up", Bob Barker's fast hands (thanks Chuck Norris), and - what we feel - is an unforgivable and uninvestigated PR strategist's ploy to ruin a man's life for golf ratings. Happy Gilmore was the cornerstone of immature comedy for young folks in school halls and playgrounds the world over. The numbe...

If before recording this episode you told me this movie came out eleven years ago and I still hadn't seen it... I would have walked right by you without another word because I'm obviously too high-society, snobby, and cultured to waste my time with an animated children's movie based on toys. But now that I'm doing this podcast, my shock and alarm that I let this one slip by me before has my mouth...

Wow its a DOUBLE FEATURE! Why? Because this dude cannot abide that a movie about men dancing sensually in the rain while still claiming to be "straight street" and "straight hood" was the highest grossing movie released this week in 2004. And because my nostalgia-meter was off the charts for an MTV Movies production from the heyday of my skateboard-rock teenage years.  You Got Served features more...

Serenity! No, not the good 'space' one, the unhinged, Black Mirror -wannabe one released January 25, 2019. The one that has us asking those classic, existential questions like, "What does it all mean?", "What even is reality?", and, "Given the movie's twist, does it make sense that the main character shows as much butt as he does throughout this film?"... Let's discuss how the people are baited (s...

Only the 1980s can deliver a film whose synopsis is, "Disgraced Manhattan ex-cop re-hired by the mayor as a last ditch effort to solve the mystery of eleven women murdered by a serial killer" and say it's a comedy. This movie has it all - from wooden performances to hysterical yell-acting, protagonists with astoundingly poor judgement and ethics, to sub-plots that are wholely brought up and then d...