The Cartoncast

Ben and Zane were surveying Midland’s military campaign from the front lines. On order from Guts himself, Ulysses was given the task of teaching them what was going on and how to not get themselves killed. It turns out, the whole of the war effort against Chudor could be summed up in three simple points. One - Always keep your sword clean, and make sure it’s at least as big as you are. Two - if yo...

Welcome to Frank, the horrifying existential crisis/feel-good buddy story/personal fitness list of don’ts. Osmosis Jones is two movies of different tones and levels of quality stapled together to take advantage of late-90’s-era stars and tropes in a way that actually kind of works. Join the Cartoncast as we watch the movie and immediately sign up for a gym membership and brush our teeth.

Ben and Zane were over their heads. While in the midst of an innocent-looking carnival ride, they wound up in downtown Manhattan (a totally magical realm). Luckily, a magical being of immense power, a dungeon master (some call him Tim) knew the ropes of this magical world, and was willing to share his wisdom with them. The Cartoncasters had no idea what they were getting into. Note: Tim’s connecti...

As the longitudinal study wrapped up, Ben and Zane looked proudly upon their work. Three years watching how teenagers develop when they are carefully kept away from any wacky nonsense, it had shown that even teens are capable of weighing complex situations, developing loyalty, and growing over time into young adults that anyone could be proud of. The control group…eh, not so much, but one of them...

Ben and Zane were rifling through ye olde felt shoppe (it’s a holiday tradition), when a wayward Gary showed them something they had overlooked. In the bargain bin were some adorable yet soulless plush darlings. They didn’t look like much, but Gary picked one up and squeezed it. It uttered, in a nasally, poorly filtered voice, “Por favor, não me aperte”. The Cartoncasters were sold. Don’t bother w...

There’s just no experience that compares to roughing it in the woods - campfires, fishing, the clean air of the great outdoors. Needless to say, Ben and Zane were delirious from hunger and fear almost immediately. Thankfully a very well-spoken and, dare I say, handsome slab of man rescued them from their plight and helped the two get back toward civilization. Granted, it wasn’t the right civilizat...

Damn Graves comes by the Cartoncast once again to look at one of the most over-the-top adaptations of the classic Divine Comedy. Is it fun? Hell yes! Is it sinful? Heavens no! Does it stay true to the source material? Eh, kinda. This movie based on a game based on a poem based on theology goes down smooth if you just want a cool action flick, and holds up to actual analysis for you brainy types. J...

The Cartoncasters were on their way to locate the fabled thirteen treasures of cool (they needed the help), but had no idea how to find them. Thankfully, a helpful local by the name of James happened to know the waters since he was a child, and within a minute they were on a boat, off to engage in some high-seas adventure. They might not have been able to find all thirteen, but they came away from...

Ben and Zane were enjoying their trip to China, investigating some mythical springs that would turn them into wacky slapstick martial artists. When they got there, however, the park was fully occupied, with people fighting due to long-standing grudges or one-off gimmicky misunderstandings. The Cartoncasters didn’t really notice though, as they were completely absorbed reading their mangas. Alas, w...

When Sealab sent the call for brave young documentarians to accompany them on their underwater adventures, Ben and Zane jumped at the chance. Little did they know that the captain was utterly insane. Actually, scratch that - they did know that, it was pretty obvious. Hell, that was why they wanted to go down in the first place. That, and M.C. Chris was kind enough to provide the bathysphere music.

Ben and Zane decided to enroll in night school. They felt like they knew enough science, but someone on the internet warned them that night school would ruin the education they already received, and they just had to follow up on that. The Cartoncasters found, however, that the class was exactly the same as it was during the day. They were tired, so the classroom looked a little weird to their blur...

Generally our Bootlegg’d segments look at the great, the awful, the sensational and the weird. But what if a movie was… blander? Balto is the very model of a standard kid’s feel-good movie from the mid-90’s with a gimmick of being based on a real story. But what it provides in spectacle and good-will toward dogs (dogwill), it lacks in pacing, message, and character development. Listen in as we tal...

After buying a lemon from a shifty, fast-talking salesman, Ben and Zane worked tirelessly to spruce up and modernize the Cartonmobile. Turbo jets, gyro-stabilizers, Matroyshka shell shields, this baby had it all. They thought it would just be for show, but it turns out it’s the only vehicle on Earth capable of competing in the Star Race, with the fate of humanity hanging in the balance. They may n...

How many years had it been, since the Egg boys first left the Cul De Sac to search their fortune? They say you can’t go home again - would the place from their youth even remotely resemble their halcyon days, affixed in amber and reinforced by nostalgia? Surely they weren’t the same bright-eyed youths that left, so sure of their strength and conviction. The Egg boys were silent, but they each thou...

It’s not every day that the Cartoncasters get to just hang out and talk about themselves with their podcasting buddies - in fact, we only let ourselves do it once every five years! But Dan and Nic (and special ghost Andrew) join in for thought-provoking discussions, random bullshit, and even a quiz! Thanks to everyone for listening!

Ben and Zane were in a pickle. Due to a gaff in their taxes, it turned out half of their podcasting efforts needed to be written off as a counter-terrorism media operation to defend America from the villainous Cobra (over both land and air, to get full recompensation). They were in a bind until a G.I. Joe member, Egg Head, told them that the real secret to protecting America was to start in your c...

For your consideration, an update about our network’s activities. Thanks for listening!

Ben and Zane had set up this stakeout weeks ago, but it might all be for nothing if their informant, Josh "Most Extreme" McCloud, shortchanged them with his tip. He told them to stay frosty, that the perp always returns to the scene of the crime. And when the crime is piracy, X marks the spot - X middle school, that is. They watched the target - one Cornelius Fillmore - for hours. He quipped, he d...

Put on your best tux and shine those shoes, because today we have a special guest on the Cartoncast for our Bootlegg'd segment. Jeff Ryan, author of 'A Mouse Divided', has agreed to talk to us about the creators of the immortal Mickey Mouse, and how their falling out propelled one to greatness - and the other to obscurity. Today we tackle "Fiddlesticks", an Ub Iwerks production shortly after he le...

The Cartoncasters had an embarrassing problem. Someone - and we're not pointing fingers at anyone - stapled their butts together. Was it hilarious? Yeah, I mean it had its moments. Was it interesting? Not as much as you might think. Maybe it was a commentary on society or a dark look at the long-term effects of ostracism, but pretty much everybody just focused on how their butts were stapled toget...

It started innocently enough - Ben and Zane decided to go shopping for matching overalls. Little did they know that a cursory simultaneous trip to the bathroom would herald decades-spanning, dimension-hopping struggle for their very souls. They were whisked away to colorful, fantastic realms, curiously vertically-designed in nature. Strangely, no matter where they went, everyone knew who they were...

A short time ago, on a podcast network pretty nearby, Ben and Zane were trying to unravel the mysteries of the force. Thankfully, a nearby Jedi known as 'Ulysses' set them straight. It was really complicated, what with balance being ill-defined, and the whole mind-control thing. Basically, he claimed, the force just did whatever it wanted, and you either caught the wave or got out the way. They di...

Ben and Zane had a problem. Or rather, they had no problems at all. All their cares had been danced away. Sure, their society was a fractured class-divided race-divided shantytown without access to electricity or felt cleaner, but none of that seemed to matter. The Cartoncasters had each other, they had music, and they had Hawaiian shirts as far as the eye could see. Which was not very far, living...

Welcome again to our Bootlegg'd segment, where we tune in this time to watch "Sita Sings the Blues", an animated adaptation of The Ramayana, a famous and hugely influential Indian epic. This incarnation of the story focuses on a woman's struggle to be worthy of her husband's love, but the movie is about a whole lot more, including thinly veiled domestic abuse parallels, the author's own personal s...