The Captain's Log

Join us for the 8th anniversary retrospective, which we've now declared will be called a Grand Prix! Just try to stop us!! Kyle and Melissa gather for our annual pizza awards banquet for favorite Review Show topics, best performances, biggest surprises, and for the first time ever, a two-time Dream Date winner. We also debut a new structure for the Review Show and Captain's Log starting in 2024! M...

Episode 262. Kyle shares some uplifting conversations overheard in an airport. Melissa brings us another historic moment of hot dogs in cinema. It's the final episode of the year, and we're catching up on movies we've watched recently, including box office hits The Boy & The Heron, Godzilla: Minus One, and Renaissance: A Film By Beyonce, and box office "huh?"s like Dream Scenario, Eilieen, and...

Episode 261. It's that tomato time again! We continue our annual tradition of guessing the Rotten Tomatoes critics scores for upcoming movies from December 2023 through November 2024, our biggest and broadest list yet, covering major franchises, favorite directors, Oscar material, dumb fun action movies, sci-fi epics, musical numbers, and sad and sexy sports stories. Kyle attempts to explain the B...

Episode 260. Kyle recaps a vacation nightmare and explains the bizarre Marvel animated series Hit-Monkey, about a monkey that becomes a hitman. A regular monkey, not even the talking kind. Melissa is here for the depravity of Saltburn, Napoleon, and The Killer, as well as the nostalgia of Good Burger 2. Finally, we've both seen the millennial comedy goldmine that is Hot Rod! We note the intersecti...

Episode 259. Melissa has made good on her years-old promise to finish watching Hannibal! She is free, free to watch bizarro horror movies like Infinity Pool, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, and Lamb. Kyle is catching up on everything from crime to superheroes to Canada's finest comedies, and admitting to being that person who buys 10:00 PM movie tickets. We list the rest of the 2023 movies we plan t...

Episode 258. If you get lost trying to find your local Freak Festival, look for the nearest goth girl and she will light your path. Kyle is excited for the mundane experiences of a high-end cheese grater and truly noise-cancelling headphones. Melissa defends a dog accused of theft, and tries watching Rocky Horror Picture Show quietly at home and not in a rowdy movie theater for once. Finally, a po...

Episode 257. Your ghost hosts Million Dollar Grape and A Single Hot Dog are here for another Halloween special retelling Captain's Log anecdotes as spooky stories. Curse that fool Bob Chili and listen to our tales of monster truck invasions, corn blindness, human cocktails, a skeleton that grows faster than your skin, doing a Bloody Mary in a mirror but instead you summon a college kid who keeps p...

Episode 256. This week, we truly thirst for the taste of legend as we dig into urban legends from our states, which includes several wedding dress ghosts but no tuxedo ghosts. Melissa went to the Beetlejuice stage musical, and offers the deal that if Kyle goes to one play, she'll watch one Spider-man video game playthrough. We look at fictional characters who share our birthdays, and discuss DC re...

Episode 255. Kyle likes Speed Racer, but doesn't like-like Speed Racer, not enough to take him to prom. He does like when F1 camera operators randomly zoom in on a butt. Melissa is reading old Stephen King stories (bought in a fifty-cent paperback from a rummage sale, the only way to do it) and watching news B-roll of mundane settings from the 90s. We also talk about Marvel reorganizing how they m...

Episode 254. We celebrate 666 subscribers, and look forward to the next milestone: 8,008 because it spells "boob." Melissa is Johnny Sodapop this week, bringing us Strawberries & Cream Dr. Pepper. Kyle fights a knob. We discuss anime references in The Creator, a Dragonball baby, big suit, grape head, the bird clap, and we attempt to brainstorm Halloween costumes themed to our podcast content t...

Episode 253. Every writer in Hollywood got together at a Panera Bread and wrote Kyle a letter to tell him personally that the strike was over!! Melissa weeps at the artistry and STUNTS of Disney on Ice, and demands that in 2024 we add a fourth flavor stripe to Neapolitan ice cream. We discuss how often we actually "like and subscribe" on YouTube, and try to summon two more of our own subscribers s...

Episode 252. We discuss A Haunting in Venice, the endearing mediocrity of the Poirot franchise, and how much we want a crossover with Benoit Blanc. Kyle is beverage detective for the Mtn Dew VooDew mystery flavor again this year, and Melissa is building multi-page spreadsheets for a movie fantasy league. We talk about nasty man movies, the trailer for Aquaman 2, and specific spooky titles to watch...

Episode 251. We discuss adding caffeine to unexpected foods, seeing only the third Equalizer movie, Bob Chili, the origins of the word "tidbit," how much you have to know about the Star Wars cartoons before watching Ahsoka, a ship full of screams, how long a short film can be while still being a short, and if you can do a monologue at a karaoke night. We both went to see Satoshi Kon's classic anim...

Episode 250. We woke up this morning and got ourselves some fun! Special draft correspondent Jacq joins us to celebrate episode 250 and pick the best TV show opening credits. You're in for a scare as we discuss spooky tone pieces, shocking choreography, iconic tunes and imagery, hidden easter eggs, and 90s bangers. 3 2 1, let's jam! Click here to watch a video of this episode. ★ Support this podca...

Episode 249. Kyle returns from his return to Richmond, Virginia. Melissa sees The Last Voyage of the Demeter entirely alone in a ghost town of a cineplex. We both went to see Blue Beetle! We discuss replacing movie posters with screens, chaise lounges, elaborate April Fools Day pranks, Batman Beyond, and an update to the Brave Boy Challenge. Kyle has also combed through the Whatnauts archives to g...

Episode 248. Kyle has a teeth surprise and feels hoodwinked by Netflix. Melissa encourages you to commend your dad for being a "brave boy" when he undergoes a mundane procedure. We discuss Luxembourg, lotto scratchers, and how we listen to the Patreon-exclusive feeds of our podcasts. But wait, there's more! We also react to the trailer for the John Wick spinoff show The Continental. Click here to...

Episode 247. Kyle is back on that Perry Mason bullshit. Melissa is blessed with a new season of Good Omens. We discuss the diverse appeal of TMNT: Mutant Mayhem and the chaotic party vibes of horror movie Talk to Me. We also discuss artificial banana flavoring, a kid in a Columbo costume, the trailer to Loki season two, trained Shakespearean actors just flailing around, and we take "which Power Ra...

Episode 246. [holding a mic in front of a brick wall] What's the deal with gum? Is it food? Why is it such a staple but we never talk about it? These questions and more, answered. We also discuss prank sodas, bad luck, plumbers on the roof, a hole in your yard, and big puppets. In pop culture news, Futurama is back, baby!, we have the winners of the Eisner awards in comic book excellence, and an i...

Episode 245. We discover Sasquench, the cryptid of Mtn Dew flavors, and we question if a stack of 20 slices of American cheese constitutes a "burger." Kyle reviews Duolingo after several months trying to learn Korean. Melissa names some of her favorite corn movies. We talk about the highest buildings we've ever been in, eating foods for a challenge, and who exactly is the bear on The Bear. Also, i...

Episode 244. Would you like to meet Mtn Dew? As a person in a mascot suit, like the weird candy characters walking around Hershey Park? Melissa wants to hug some bottles. Kyle had a joy ride seeing Joy Ride. We talk about both Akira and Bartkira, Superman Legacy casting news, fictional characters we would draft into a new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and read the results of Melissa and a lit...

Episode 243. Art is all around you! Really look at fireworks and determine your favorite shape. See the musical Chess, or throw a chess set in a pond. Go to a street fair and buy a Simpsons poster. Read Nimona and watch Nimona. Drink a new Mtn Dew flavor and think about the color. Art!! We also discuss joining Threads, how the 2003 Daredevil movie plays today, a new Superman and Lois, and the trai...

Episode 242. Ignacio, Kyle, and Melissa gather again for our annual trivia night tradition! We trade questions about pop culture, science, technology, and snacks. Can we name the electric frequency of the average American household? Is a fight between three people called a "truel"? What horror movies have been turned into a Broadway stage musical? Join us for the thrill of competition, the joy of...

Episode 241. Kyle has watched the new TV shows Drops of God and American Born Chinese, while Melissa is decades behind and has just watched all of the Indiana Jones movies for the first time. We discuss sweaty adventure hats, stores that close too early, buying our tickets for specific formats of Oppenheimer, the practical effects of Beetlejuice, the digital effects of Avatar, if the Final Fantasy...

Episode 240. Friend of the show Jacq joins us again for a fantasy draft of our ideal dads! All our own original dads remain, and we are drafting new people joining our lives in some sort of paternal role. They don't have to be real, they don't have to be dads, they don't have to be men, they don't have to be human, they just have to project dad-like energy. Which characters played by famously fath...

Episode 239. Do you think you could pick up Paddington? Is he heavy? We know he must get heavier when he's wet, but he's dry in this scenario. We also discuss rewatching the Mission Impossible movies, getting out there to see live theater, glow sticks, and "buffoon dramas." We're halfway through the year for our Rotten Tomatoes predictions game, and we take this time to watch some trailers and add...