The Captain's Log

Kyle and Melissa are here for a chill end-of-year celebration, looking back on our year in podcasting and looking ahead to our 2025 goals. We give out our Review Show awards, play a game of "What the Hell Were We Talking About?", run through our recent cinema experiences, talk about fancy cocktails and fancy mansions, and finally share our thoughts on the weird twist in the otherwise conventional...

Episode 286. We're back for a feature-length discussion on movies! We go over our predictions for the Rotten Tomatoes critics' score for the past year's movies, and create predictions for the year ahead. What movie got an even 50? What's the lowest score we've ever seen? Do we think Mission: Impossible -- The Final Reckoning could match or beat the score for Dead Reckoning? Which will score better...

Episode 285. We have a lot of existing movies to talk about, like Conclave, Anora, Heretic, and Piece by Piece, and we have an exciting pitch for a new Inspector Gadget movie that's a Substance-esque body horror but also one of his hands is a different vape on each finger. Hear us, Hollywood!!! Melissa reveals the most mysterious song on the internet. Kyle looks at all those chickens (it's just on...

Episode 284. Your ghost hosts Slimer and Mimer are here for another Halloween special re-telling old Captain's Log anecdotes as "scary" "stories." Enjoy your szechuan McFlurry as you hear tales of the last two Kyles in the world, a life wrapped in foil, being kicked by the NFL robot, the fate of The Boobie Bouncer, your life being mysteriously tied to a movie marketing stunt, German Monday, the sc...

Episode 283. Kyle gets attacked by a falcon. Melissa dares to ask if vests are just adult bibs, and if you can make a paper football out of a Fruit Rollup. She eats an entire bowl of Kelce Mix cereal while Kyle recaps his old roommate's wedding in great detail. We read through our Movie Fantasy League drafts, marvel at Maymont Park, praise Liquid IV, ask if Saturday Night needed more chaos, and ap...

Episode 282. Get out your T-squares, we're talking Megalopolis! Melissa tries to sell us on The Substance, and Kyle shares the cartoon joy of Transformers One, Avatar: The Last Airbender live in concert, and being the first and maybe only person in his city to buy a ticket to see a Gundam movie in theaters. Melissa recaps her trip to Disney World, featuring edutainment and a biiiig cookie. We also...

Episode 281. With the success of Beetlejuice Beetlejuice and Dune: Part Two at the box office, is a sequel to Tremors far behind? What if it's already secretly on the calendar, masquerading as a normal film, but surprise, a big worm pops out at the end? Kyle gives us advice on surviving a plane trip. Melissa shares the mystery of Celebrity Number 6. We discuss your new stepdad The Boobie Bouncer,...

Episode 280. Kyle goes kayaking in Tampa and sees dolphins and maybe the world's largest sand dollar. Melissa goes to a metal concert less for the music, more for live snakes and big demon puppets. She also deals with her office moving to a new building full of liminal white hallways, heat traps, and incessant beeping. We talk about the prolific crime series Homicide: Life on the Street now that i...

Episode 279. Now that the Olympics are over, it's time for fall to begin, with random sightings of kids out in public already wearing their Halloween costumes. We get nostalgic with Didi and confounded with Borderlands, and discuss two new movies based on true events starring the actual people from those events, Kneecap and Sing Sing. We recap movie and TV news from D23 and beyond, including Pixar...

Episode 278. Kyle almost witnesses a road war. Melissa is blindsided by a new holiday and eats the best brownie that she may never encounter again. We discuss the wild rides of Longlegs and Trap, and recap the news out of Comic-Con! RDJ is our new Dr. Doom, but what if Marvel kept going and just announced more Dooms every couple weeks until we had a movie of nothing but Dooms? We talk about the po...

Episode 277. If our slogan is that we "thirst for the taste of legend," and Oklahoma City is building the world's tallest building and calling it Legends Tower, we understand the bargain we've unknowingly struck to lick that building. Kyle tries a new gin and this leads him to the world of evil video game mods on YouTube. Melissa reads us a list of Street Shark names and feels the wind at a showin...

Episode 276. Ignacio, Kyle, and Melissa gather once more for our annual trivia night! We trade custom questions about pop culture, science, soda, and shockingly, sports. What is the longest-running anime series? What year did the first Funko Pop debut? What type of food was the defunct Taco Bell item known as the "Bell Beefer?" Join us for the thrill of competition, the joy of learning! Click here...

Episode 275. We identify a rival beverage enthusiast podcast, and ask how we can experiment more with our taste-tests, by wearing lab coats and drinking Mtn Dew out of beakers. Melissa advocates for the geriatric crime thriller Thelma, and goes to comedy podcast shows to see pizzas delivered live on stage. Kyle visits a wet n' wild paint room and catches up on the reboots of Twin Peaks and Clone H...

Episode 274. How many movies does a person need to go see in a year to maintain a prosperous box office? How many Kyles need to gather in one place to get a world record? How do we continue to find new qualms and gripes about the one M&Ms commercial with the mime? We answer these questions, and discuss recent horror movies I Saw The TV Glow and In a Violent Nature, casting news for the next Be...

Episode 273. It's the return of our annual tradition: Kyle and Ignacio force an oblivious Melissa to predict what video game news will be released at Summer Games Fest, and she has to compete against a Magic 8 Ball to see who can get the most correct guesses. Will we see a new Grand Theft Auto trailer this year? How about a new Metroid game? How many Goku variants will appear in DragonBall Sparkin...

Episode 272. Kyle asks if modern screen acting performances have more spit and snot than ever before. Melissa ponders a reverse Godfather where the mob puts a bed inside your horse. We praise the new Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, including a break for spoilers and a debate on low box office vs. a theater full of people on their phones. We also discuss new releases The Fall Guy and Challengers...

Episode 271. Kyle spots the menacing figure from the Neighborhood Watch sign in real life. Melissa asks when in your TV and movie watching you're supposed to fit in time to stare at a keepsake digital photo frame. We discuss robot restaurants, how good a person's clapping skills can be, recent TV hits Shogun and Under the Bridge, cinema oddities Sasquatch Sunset and Boy Kills World, filling out a...

Episode 270. You think you know what Bulbasaur looks like, but how accurately can you draw him in three minutes with no visual reference? We challenge ourselves to draw Pokemon from memory, and proceed to screw up some arms and legs, forget most things that go on a head, ask if there are any Magmar stans out there, and interrogate the uncanny valley of Hitmonchan. Kyle reminds us of his superhero...

Episode 269. If you can dream it, can you dog it! For this year's annual "Eat Vision and Snack" culinary episode, our theme is hot dogs. Kyle and Melissa have each prepared their own custom gourmet hot dog dishes to show off and snack on while we discuss our kitchen nightmares and triumphs. We also plan the logistics of recording an episode live from Chili's, share our mildly pleased thoughts on G...

Episode 268. Every episode of this podcast is an indulgent bachelor's weekend, and this week's indulgences include: a discussion of the hottest M&M characters, cheering on bad soda experiments, throwing fries at your friends, and a slice-of-life anime but also Grimace is there. We recap the Oscars, puzzle over the mystery of the title Venom 3: The Last Dance and the blandness of the Agatha sho...

Episode 267. The Wet Awards return, our annual ranking of the year's Best Picture nominees on a scale of wettest to driest. Kyle finally experiences the magic of live musical theater with Wicked. Melissa and her co-workers bond over their favorite Alan Tudyk performances. We imagine a Whatnauts breakfast cereal, and catch up on movies we've seen recently, including Dune 2, Drive Away Dolls, Perfec...

Episode 266. Is a Hot Pocket a Gusher? Why are there a hundred different kinds of apples and only one kind of celery? When will restaurants start offering proprietary cereal? Listen to our pitch for a fancy chicken nugget restaurant with new nugget shapes, and our discussions on Madame Web, Lisa Frankenstein, the Fantastic 4 casting, a double feature of the 2005 airplane thrillers Red Eye and Flig...

Episode 265. Melissa makes good on Kyle's challenge for her to explain what football is, in this week leading up to the Super Bowl. Our football newbie is here to teach you about gameplay basics, piles of men, and the signature hometown foods of each team going to The Big Game this year. We also discuss Kyle's neighborhood cat council, unexplained butt jiggles, and Universal Studios resurrecting t...

Episode 264. Would-be car thieves leave something strange behind after breaking a window in Melissa's beloved Hyundai. Kyle introduces us to "egg shots" and wants you to consider Godzilla for Best Lead Actor. We talk about the tragedy of The Iron Claw and the kid reporter drama Home Before Dark. This episode is our annual Planarama, brainstorming for future Captain's Log episodes this year. Ideas...

Episode 263. We welcome the new year with a complete discussion on our entertainment experiences in 2023, including Kyle's watch time stats and number of comics read, and Melissa's extensive movie Top 10 lists and playlist of favorite YouTube videos of the year. Kyle searches for a missing book and Melissa watches the surprisingly horny and bloody Perry Mason. We also try to teach our parents abou...